As much as I love Zumba, it's just not the same taking someone's class as it is teaching. I don't put as much effort in and it's really irritating when she keeps using songs that I have routines for and she'll introduce a routine that is just awful. Today she used "Que Te Pica" and the moves were so horrible that I stood there in shock at some moments because I didn't want to make my body do something hideous when I have great moves to the song. Not only is it getting harder to remember my routines because I never get to do them, but I don't push myself to learn new ones, since I'll never get to do them either. I need to find a place where I can teach... and not in the morning.
I've thought about teaching at Riverbend, but I don't know if I can do that. I'll have to figure out who to contact. Perhaps I'll do the first three classes free or something, just to get people to come. Who knows?!
After Zumba, I showered and had to turn off the noise makers and turn on the lights before Eis would wake up. I had to have her wake up so I could nurse her before I left for my doctor's appointment. When she finally woke up, I nursed her, then I had to help my mom colour her roots before I left.
As I was heading out the door, Ty called. I was somewhat expecting some sort of apology, but I guess he's not read yesterday's post. Though it's for the best. I don't want a verbal apology (weird, I know), but I'd rather have a written apology. I feel like it would be less awkward. It should not be awkward for me, since I am not the one who did something inappropriate, but it is because I found out and I feel like a toolbox because of it. So so stupid. She must have felt quite smug seeing my picture every time he said he had been thinking about her. Ugh... harlot.
Although I am still feeling both humiliated and heartbroken, I did a good job of talking normally with Tyler. I was quite pleased with myself. I know I'm non-confrontational almost to a fault, but I don't want to have some discussion because I know exactly how it would go...
Tyler would become defensive and get mad that I was on his FB and bring up that I spoke with an ex two years ago. Then I would have to point out that there shouldn't be secrets and it shouldn't matter if I'm his FB or he's on mine and that I did not flirt with the ex, nor he with me. Plus, I apologised profusely for it and said I realised that it's not appropriate, even if there was no flirting. Then I'd feel even worse, though he was the one who had made contact with an ex and not only not mentioned me or his baby, but flirted and alluded to indiscretions past. However, I'd have to remind him that we're having the discussion because of his inappropriate behaviour.
Unfortunately, it would all be done over typo'd text messages and he would be tired and stressed from work and it would just not be pretty and would take days to iron everything out before it got better.
I would rather get my feelings out here, so I can leave them out of our rare phone calls or texts, since I can't afford to be mad at him to him, since there's always that risk of something I say to him being the last thing I say to him and that would eat me up far worse than this. This way, when he reads, he won't have to be immediately defensive and can take his time to compose his thoughts and feelings before writing me an email of apology to which I will not have to respond because then it would come back to a discussion. I want:
Jen: I know.
Ty: I'm sorry ... followed by whys, hows, whens, wheres, whos, whats and probably more whys.
Anyway... Dr. P said my neck looked structurally alright, despite it being straight and having some degeneration. He put in for a different kind of physical therapy and scheduled an SI injection for January. I could have scheduled sooner, but I am on my own with the baby starting next week and figured it'd be better to wait until after the holidays.
Being on my own with the baby means that I can't go to Zumba because I have no one to watch the baby. I just had to skip workouts for the past three weeks -- I don't want to miss more! I have eight pounds left to lose and it won't just fall off, though if it did, I wouldn't be in the same vaguely toned shape. Dunno; beggars and choosers and all.
I am going to rehab on Wednesday. Dad will watch the baby, then we will go to Heights to finish packing things up. It will be difficult because I'll have the baby, but I'll probably call the student up to see if he can help. I think it'd be worth $10-20.
When I got home from the doctor, Eis napped a few short naps throughout the afternoon and I made eggs one time, then I made a new flier for the house (in Word) and contacted a realtor. I am propositioning her with the option to try to sell the house before I get renters in it.
This evening, I put Eisley in her jumperoo. After about 15 minutes she figured out how to work it and started bouncing around on her own. I put a few videos on Flickr. After a bit, I looked at her and she was asleep! She'd worn herself out!
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