Day 119: Zumba

This morning I went to a Zumba class down the street.  It was an "audition" of sorts to see if I would be a good candidate for a sub.  Turns out I am.  However, it was a tough class.  Tough in two ways: one, it's a martial arts studio, so there are no shoes in the dojo and thus, we danced barefoot; two, it's really hard to move my body like I used to with 17 extra pounds hanging around. 

My feet still feel raw from all that twisting on the rubber floors.  Plus, I felt like such a heifer  the whole time cause I hate being fat, but also because the instructor was so tiny, her spandex pants didn't stay up well.  Regardless, she liked me enough and said to keep coming to classes and when she takes off, she'll use me. Yay!

I just have 18 weeks to lose 17 pounds... then keep it off.  It's hard cause I have to keep my caloric intake up to breastfeed, but my OB said it's also going to be hard because of my thyroid.  Despite my hormone levels being normal, it'll still be difficult to lose the weight -- yaaaaay :(

I think I'm going to talk to my parents about doing the surgery before Thanksgiving or Christmas... help cut down on the caloric food-intake.  If I can only have soup and smoothies, then that'll really help me not overeat during a time filled with delicious treats. 

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We went to Heights today to check on the house/show it to Grammie, mow the yard, and get the loan papers so I can fill out the HAP paperwork.  My dad bought two new sprinkler timers, since the others were busted, plus he bought two short hoses, so the sprinkler timers could lay on the ground, since the tension/weight of the hoses combined with the water pressure is causing leaks overtime and wasting water and money.  

On our way home we stopped at BJ's by the Domain for dinner.  My parents are apparently not huge fans of BJ's.  My dad got soup and salad and my mom got a pizza... I've never gotten those things, but the entrees I've always gotten are delicious -- always.  I always get something new, too, so it's almost surprising that everything has been good every time. 

Well, I'm pooped and I finally got Eis to sleep.  

Day 118: Mom's B-Day

Poor mom didn't have a good birthday because no one at school knew it was her birthday, thus no one wished her a "Happy Birthday."

Meanwhile, I had to go buy her birthday present and pick my dad and Grammie up from the airport.  I figured I'd leave around 1400 and run a couple other errands, then get to the airport by 1615 -- right on time.  However, at 1400 I realized I had to take the big Lexus and there was no car seat in it.

I searched for the "other" car seat, then realized I didn't have the base for it.  Eventually, I found it in the trunk of the small Lexus.  My dad had previously tried to put my car seat into the GX, but said it didn't work, so I didn't want to unhook my car seat and it not fit.

After some searching, I found the "bars" for the "latch system."  Though the picture by the bars showed the straps coming over the top of the seat, I knew the straps wouldn't fit -- and they didn't.  I decided to try putting them through the seat (as they were on the back of the seat), but they were still too short.  I tried folding the seat down, but realized that was totally wrong and undoubtedly dangerous.

I eventually got my car seat and tried it, but the straps were too short, too.  I know you're thinking, "Just take your car," but Grammie's wheelchair can't fit in my trunk with her walker, so I had to take the GX.  I finally found a long strap on the back of my car seat and hooked it over the seat, but that made the car seat face forward and babies aren't supposed to face forward until they're 40 pounds or something.  I didn't think that was a good idea, since I didn't want to push my luck and get in an accident and have Eis hurt because I put the car seat the wrong way.

I then had a genius idea to turn the car seat the right way and string the strap under the car seat and through the seat cushions to the bar in the back -- it worked! I then strapped the whole thing in with the seatbelt and it was quite sturdy.  I was very pleased with my work.  It had only taken 40 minutes and a lot of sweat.  Luckily, it was only about 100º outside.

I came inside and got Eis and all our junk and piled it in the car and took off.  I didn't have time for all my errands, just Bed Bath.  We headed out and I noticed that it was already down to 94º -- it'd cooled down while I was packing the car and taking out Puck.  As I drove on, the temp fell to 85º; apparently a storm was coming in, though I was irritated it hadn't come in about an hour sooner, so I wouldn't have gotten so sweaty.

I was much quicker than I realized at Bed Bath, so I actually had 20 minutes to kill before heading to the airport.  We sat in the car and I played around on my phone until it was time to leave.  I drove to the airport and pulled into the baggage claim passenger pick-up area at exactly 1615.  I drove slowly and looked for dad and Grammie, but then I got a text, "Go home. Will call and explain."  Well, that didn't sound good.

Turns out they were diverted to Corpus and I'd have to go get them later.  I drove home and as soon as I unpacked the stuff, I got a call that said to pick them up in an hour.  Based on the traffic I saw on my way home, I needed to leave fairly soon.  However, as I brought the bags back out and debated waking and changing Eis, my mom came home.  She said I shouldn't go, but should stay and take care of the baby.

At 1815, I started dinner and they arrived at the house by 1905.  It wasn't but ten minutes later that dinner was ready, though it was just for Grammie and me, since my folks went to a Barton Creek members' party.

Grammie and I ate and chatted until the padres came home.  We all went to bed fairly early, since dad and Grammie were tired from flying, mom was tired from work, and I was just tired (plus had to Zumba in the morning)

Day 117: Grocery Store

I used the Ergo carrier today while at the grocery store.  It is just too darn hot to use the wrap.

It worked pretty well. Eis slept the whole time and I went as quickly as I could.  I had planned on buying lamb, but I didn't see any... though I didn't look at the meat counter area... that's probably where it was.  I bought some turkey to cook and veggies.

When I got home, I had to edit this woman's paper for some college class.  One of the ladies my mom works with has been asking for help with various things.  However, my mom volunteered me to edit her paper... for free.

I was sent the paper this morning and had to have it back to the lady by 1430.  So, by the time I got home from the grocery store, I had very little time to edit.  It wouldn't have been so bad, had the paper not been terrible!

Yes, the writing wasn't the best, but the content of the paper is what was so awful.  She had to do a SCAMPER paper; take an object and change it: substitute, combine, add, rearrange, put it to another use, eliminate, and modify.  True, it takes some creativity, but it's not terribly difficult.

She chose soap.  Soap!  You can't choose something that's just one piece -- there's nothing to rearrange or eliminate or really, modify.  Her ideas were all fairly similar, but worded differently.

*Use it to write on clothes, instead of chalk
*Use it to write on the floor, instead of tape
*Carve it into a statue
*Carve it into a bath toy
*Put different pieces together to make a puzzle
*Lay them around "as beauty"
*Use it to make you smell good
*Write on a car window to make a secret message for all to see

First off, the idea is to create things that are NEW and DIFFERENT and haven't been done before.  Also, the uses shouldn't be ideas that have already been done.  If you can cite examples to "prove" you have a good idea, then it's inherently a bad idea because it's not creative and new. Duh!

Second... a "secret message for all to see" on a car is not so much a secret, as it is an advertisement.  Her reasoning for soap being put to another use as car chalk is because "lipstick is hard to wash off."  Now, who writes on a car with lipstick?!

I told my mom that this woman is an idiot.  Makes me irritated that she's got some cush job TEACHING children at a private school.  Too bad teachers aren't forced to take IQ tests.  They really should not be allowed to teach beyond their own level.

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On another note, I have two Zumba auditions coming up.  Yay.  Hopefully, I'll at least get one of them!

Day 116: Re-Do

I had to go back to Camp Mabry because Eis wasn't enrolled in Tricare Prime, but standard Tricare.  It really makes no sense because I'm in Prime and I didn't know active duty family members could be enrolled in standard.

Then I had to go to SAMC to have them fax a note to Tricare saying Dr. E would accept Eis as a patient.  I asked if they'd call me after it was done so I wouldn't worry about it.

The rest of the day was pretty relaxed, but dinner sucked.

My mom had been talking about this "big pork dinner" she had planned and when she was going to make it and blah blah blah.  So, I assumed it was something she'd had before, knew how to cook, and didn't want my help with cooking.  Unfortunately, none of that was true.

It was peppery and the meat was rubbery and the veggies weren't thoroughly cooked.  She later told me she wanted to try something new... too bad every time she tries something new, it sucks.  I looked at the recipe and noticed she didn't combine the condensed soup and water, but put them in separately, which made it really hard to combine after it was on the meat and veggies.  She used regular carrots, instead of baby carrots. She cut the potatoes into big chunks, instead of slices.  Plus, she put in the pepper it says to use.

Her excuse was, "I don't like to cook."  I told her, "No, you don't like to read."  I also told her it's a terrible idea to just look at a recipe with no picture and decide you want to try it, but not follow the recipe explicitly.  Because she did the veggies wrong, it had to cook 3x longer and the meat got rubbery.  Plus, I said, "If you're not going to follow the recipe, at least follow it to make it better and take out the spice that I don't like."

I told her she needs to ask me for help and not just wing it, then say she doesn't like cooking.  Needless to say, I'll be going to the grocery store tomorrow and figuring out dinner.

Day 115: Good Day

I had a rough time sleeping last night.  Eis woke up at 0330 and went back to sleep at 0400, but I couldn't go back to sleep until 0500.  Ugh.  My brain just wouldn't stop whirring and rambling.

We left at 0930 for the doctor and stopped by Starbucks on the way.  I got a soy pumpkin spice frapp and they gave it to me without a straw or sleeve, so I walked over to the "sugar bar" to get those items.  My mom got my straw and I picked a sleeve out of the bin of sleeves and slipped it onto my drink.  I took a few sips and thought that maybe it wasn't soy.  I looked down at the sleeve and saw that it said "Jeff" and had no markings in the "milk" box.

I immediately became worried that I stole someone's drink!  I looked around and tried to remember who was in line in front of us or if someone was waiting for their drink.  We went up to the counter to ask the barista if she'd used soy in the drink, but as I put it on the counter, reality slowly sank in...  I had my mom hold the sleeve, so I could pull my cup out of it.  There on my cup, it said "soy" and "no whip!"  I started cracking up because I felt so dumb.  I had to explain to my mom that it was ME who had picked up the sleeve and put it on my drink and it was the sleeve that said "Jeff," not my drink...  Ay ay ay!

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The doctor was great.  We agreed on what we wanted to do to help manage my pain.  He gave me three lidocaine shots in each trap and referred me to physical therapy.  I have to call Tricare in a day or so and ask them if the referral went through them or if it was just given to me -- I don't want to to PT and it not be covered by insurance!

After we finished at the doctor, we drove over to Camp Mabry to enroll Eis in DEERS.  I was shocked at how quick it was.  I was also surprised because the DEERS website says all these things I need, but I didn't at the place!  It was only a matter of minutes before I was done.

I dropped my mom off at the PX while I nursed Eis in the car and figured out where to eat lunch.  We decided to go to Quack's 43St. Bakery.  We split a croque monsieur panini and got some cupcakes.  I know I shouldn't have had one, but I was craving one more than I'd craved anything in a loooong time.  I got a chocolate cupcake with peanut butter frosting -- it was deeeeelish.

We headed home after that and I took a short nap.

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To backtrack...

When Eisley woke up at 0630 and I put her on the change pad to change her diaper before nursing her.  I took her diaper off, set her on it, wiped her down, then put a clean diaper under her.  I tossed the dirty diaper and put lotion on my finger to put on her bum, but as I approached, she started pooping.  I quickly retracted my hand and closed the diaper.  I figured I should let her finish pooping, so I stepped back and waited.  Eventually she began to cry, so I assumed she was done.

I undid the new diaper, wiped her with it, then sat her on it.  However, as I grabbed a wipe, she lifted up her tooshie and poop shot out!  It was flying toward the bookshelves, but I was not quick enough to pull back my arm, so the flow was stopped by my arm :(

Needless to say, I was totally grossed out and Eisley thought it was great.  I used the wipe to clean off my arm and Eisley's feet, since they'd been sprayed a bit, then I tossed the diaper and folded up the diaper cloth she'd been laying on.  Luckily, she didn't get any poo on her gown, so I didn't have to change that.  As soon as I had her all cleaned up and a new diaper on her, I went and cleaned my hands and arms with Dawn dish detergent.  She nursed, then I headed back to sleep.

How totally gross, right?!

Day 114: Out of the House!

I finally got out of the house today.  It wasn't tons of fun or anything crazy, but it was nice to be somewhere other than here for a change.

I had found a GrouponNow for a place called Tea Embassy, so I wanted to go there first.  I didn't buy the Groupon, since I knew we wouldn't get there before it had to be redeemed.  I was very right, as traffic downtown was horrific.  There was either a run going on or it was just due to the Pecan Street Festival... if that was even continuing to today... However, when we got to Tea Embassy, it was closed.  Boo.

We then decided to get something to eat, which is never as easy as it seems.  My mom always wants high tea or something that they don't do here (or at least isn't common here).  She finally decided on Galaxy Cafe, but she didn't know how to get there and we drove around for a bit before going to the Triangle.  We stopped at Chedd's, but they were out of brats (if she couldn't have English, she wanted German, I guess), then walked over to Mama Fu's.

Eisley did great, but woke up near the end of our meal, so I left to go nurse in the car.  As soon as I got to the car, I got a text from Ty.  He'd had to do a last minute flight, which I don't like, but I have zero power over anything.  Words like "infiltration" and anything to do with "special forces" are not words I like to hear, but I'd rather know than not.  I know he's good at what he does and I know that my worrying doesn't prevent anything, so I don't worry (actively).

Once my mom got to the car we talked and I told her about Ty's mission and she made some comment about how he's risking everything to be there: family, home, life, etc.  However, she didn't say "life" because she doesn't like "putting that out there."  I told her, "I can't worry about it because my worrying doesn't determine whether or not he kicks it." She said, "How can you say that?!"  I told her, "It's a possibility whether or not I say it.  If I say it, it doesn't mean it will happen and if I don't say it, it doesn't mean it won't."  She agreed with that point.

We then went to SAM's to exchange some diapers. Size 1s are big on Eis, but I didn't like how small the swaddlers were seeming to fit.  As we walked around, I saw they had a Keurig for sale for $129, which is a good price, but I was telling my mom that Ty and I don't care for regular coffee, so it would be tricky to see if you could just buy Kcups that were things other than plain coffee.

Once home, I gave Eis to my dad and took a nap.  I was exhausted and my back was killing me.  I'm looking forward to seeing Dr. P tomorrow and getting this thing underway.  I'm hoping they'll combine injections with some sort of rehab/PT to get the injections to last longer.  I filled out all the paperwork tonight, since I had a dream last night that my mom and I got lost and we were late, then I thought I lost the baby once I made it to check-in...

We will also register Eis in DEERS, since this is the last week to do it.  A bit last minute, eh?!  It wouldn't have been had the Vital Records tard not kept my stuff for three weeks.  Ugh -- irritating.

Anyway, I best not use up any more of Eisley sleep time.

Day 113: Television Much?

I feel like I sat in my chair in front of the tele all day.  Due to that, I feel gross and fatter.  My mom said she'd take me somewhere tomorrow, since I've been stuck in the house (and alone) for the past two days, as they had company.

I found out that Recce ("wreck-ee") is short for reconnaissance, so it's all recon air force guys from my dad's days. They had things both yesterday and today, so I was left with not much to do... except play with Eisley.

Babies are not very fun to play with... and I'm wondering when they become more fun and interactive.  I mean, Eis loves getting her diaper changed.  She grins at me and thinks it's funny when she can pee mid-change.  I lay with her during tummy time, I read to her at night, and I sing to her, but it's just me doing stuff and her being there.

I did make a flyer today for tutoring.  I am going to email it to a couple teachers at the high school, then maybe the middle and elementary schools.  I am certified to teach many things, so I think I could make some money.  I would charge $20/hour, which seems awful expensive, but my mom says many tutors charge $50/hour!  Yikes!  I think I'll get more hits if I charge less, plus I'm no professional (tutor, that is... I am a professional teacher).  My mom suggested putting those tabby things at the bottom, but that requires the teachers I email to have to cut them and I don't want to make them do extra work, so I made a QR code!  How technologically advanced am I?!  I figured the kids could just scan the QR code and get my info.  It's genius, I know.

I have been reading two of "Harry Potter's textbooks" from Hogwart's the past few nights.  I figured if I'm reading UK-based books, then I should read in an English accent.  I think I'm doing pretty well, though I know there are some words they pronounce differently than we do and I am sure I'm missing some.  I would love to have some of my UK friends do an audio recording of the Harry Potter books, but I'm pretty sure that'd be asking too much -- they're quite long and it's rather difficult to read aloud.

I don't really have much to say, since I didn't do anything today and neither did Eis.  Tomorrow we are going to SAM's to exchange a box of diapers.  Turns out we are ready for the next size up.  We figured she could fit for two weeks, but I'm pretty sure she's going through a growth spurt right now, since she's eating almost constantly (at least that's how it feels) and she's sleeping a lot.

Today and yesterday she's spend about half an hour nursing, but want to eat every hour and a half.  Keep in mind, the time starts when she starts nursing.  Example: She starts nursing at 0800. Stops at 0830.  Wants to nurse again at 0930.  When she's not nursing, I am changing diapers or she's sleeping.

Day 112: Still Productive

Not only did I set up my spine appointment for Monday morning with Dr. P, but I called Tricare and changed the referral from Dr. G to Dr. P.  I chatted with Ty for a couple moments at the same time, plus I was getting ready to leave the house.

The maids came today and my mom likes to get out of the house so we're not in their way.  We were going to go to the mall to take Eisley around in the stroller, but I decided to stop by and get my cervical and lumbar X-rays done so they'd be ready by the time I went to my appointment on Monday.

We had time to kill, so we went to the mall after the X-rays were completed.  As soon as we got there, we had to change Eisley.  Then we stopped by the Nordstrom drink bar and I got a soy vanilla latte.  It was not cold enough in the mall to warrant a hot drink.  I was sweating as I was walking around -- gross.

It wouldn't have been so bad had I not seen my friend from middle school and said hi.  I told my mom as we walked away, "Good think I got to see Jenny while sweating, fat, with coffee breath, beet-red eyes, and with hair and clothes I haven't touched since yesterday. That ought to make her want to hang out..." She was, of course, beautiful and skinny.  I miss being skinny.

The only good thing about not having money to go shopping with is that I'm too chunksy to want to buy clothes to put on this gross body.  It'd be a waste to buy something nice because I have nowhere to wear it, plus, hopefully, it would be too big within a couple months.

I had a microwave veggie burger patty for dinner, since my folks went out to some military reunion thing.  Then I got on skype and sat in on the FRG meeting.  It was nice to see the ladies... considering I knew what none of them looked like.  I told Christine we need to do a yearbook-esque thing cause I have no idea what 99% of the people look like.  It would be most beneficial for spouses, I think.

The meeting/social went well.  Sun-young, Elizabeth, Dawn, Lisa, Ashley, Christine, and two of Christine's friends were there.  They did a short meeting and then did an international food demo.  Ashley cooked Puerto Rican food.  Next meeting will be Elizabeth cooking some other kind of food -- I don't know where she's from.

I tried working on the iMovie of Eisley, but my folks have iMovie '08, so it doesn't have a lot of the features I use.  It's possible they'll buy the upgrade, though if they're going to do that, they may as well buy Lion.  Perhaps I can talk them into doing that and I can just pay for part of it and put in on my laptop, as well.  I really need to update my computer.  I deleted most applications, since it was running so slow.

I think it'll be an interesting night with Eisley, since she slept from 1900-2100.  Hopefully, she'll go to bed again soon... though my brain is not ready to sleep.  Oop... she's getting fussy. I best be off.   I still want to hear about that big mission Ty was talking about the other day...

Day 111: Productivity

Eis slept four and a half hours last night -- yay -- then two separate hour and a half stretches -- boo.

I applied for two different Zumba instructor positions.  I hunted down James to ask if he'd be a reference.  Then I tried to nap.  My brain wouldn't shut off, plus I was worried Eis would wake up as soon as I fell asleep.  Then Ty texted, so I got up and chatted a bit.

I called TXDPS or whomever and asked about getting the title for my car.  I apparently lost it -- oops -- or I never got it -- possible.  Either way, I don't have the title and I want it.  However, when I bought my car, I was unmarried and living in Heights.  Though when I called, the guy was telling me about something if I financed my car, but when I told him I paid in cash, he was surprised.  I guess a lot of people don't do that.

I also called Dr. G's office to try to schedule an appointment.  I never got a call back, so I'll have to call again tomorrow.  Then I spoke with ARA about getting my x-rays done and they said I can just walk in anytime; I don't have to have an appointment.

I also made meatloaf.  I know Ty hates meatloaf, but I love it.  I don't understand what's to dislike.  It's like a thick hamburger patty without a bun.  I used some gloves to make it, since I don't like mixing meat by hand... bare hand, that is.

I bathe Eisley.  She did great.  No crying or anything -- what a good girl!  Then we sat outside by the pool with Puck until the Colonel got home.  By then it was time to put the meatloaf in the oven.

Mom walked in as I came inside and Puck had just rolled in something, so I gave Eis to my mom and gave Puck a bath.  Both my babies are now clean as a whistle.

After dinner, I had my parents take Eis again, so I could shower, since I'd been spit up on and generally felt gross.

I also began making an iMovie with my Eisley clips for Ty.

I've done quite a bit today... or so it seems, compared to what I normally do.

Tomorrow I am going to try to walk Eisley around the mall (inside) because it'll be less dusty, less hot, and less far, and hopefully, easier.  I've already got the stroller in the car, so I just have to leave after she's eaten and I've changed two-ish diapers.

Day 110: Hike and Bike

I'd written a lot about our trip to the hike and bike trail, then I pushed delete, but my cursor wasn't in the right box, so it moved to me different web windows and I lost it all...

To recap:

Tried to go to the hike and bike trail. Traffic was terrible. Two main parking lots closed/blocked off.  Found new spot.  Walked maybe 1/4 of a mile and had to turn around cause Eisley had peed and she was upset.

By the time we got home it'd been three hours since she'd eaten, so she was famished.  Oddly, I was only gone for a little over an hour.  Everything takes a long time with a baby in tow.

Needless to say, I'd rather take Puck.  However, it was still way too hot to walk outside.  I think I'll try to mall tomorrow.

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Eis keeps waking at 0600 regardless of what time she's previously gone to sleep.  It's becoming quite irritating and I keep hoping and praying that she'll sleep til 0700 or later, but it's not happened yet.  So, I was quite tired today.  I finally got a chance to nap around noon, but couldn't fall asleep until 1300.

Ty texted at 1350ish, but I was so tired I couldn't text for long and he let me sleep.  He went to sleep shortly after (at least I hope).  I woke an hour later.

Eis is fairly fussy right now, so I'm not sure how the night will be.  I'm hoping that she'll sleep and I can do the same.  She's with the Colonel right now :)

... and I am watching one of the most crap movies ever... it's called Marigold, starring Ali Larter.  I really expected better from her.

Day 109: A Trip Alone

We've started keeping the swing in the nursery to help with my sanity.  I put Eisley in it for her first round of sleep and her last round of sleep -- the two that she is most reluctant in which to partake.

After nursing, I'll change her, put her in the swing, then read to her until she falls asleep.  When she wakes up during the night, she'll nurse and I'll put her into the bassinet.  She, unfortunately, enjoys waking up in the 0600 hour, so after nursing, she'll go back to the swing, so I can sleep more.

This morning I woke up at 1045 and showered, which was a good idea considering how much I sweat a bit later.  Eisley woke up, was changed, dressed, nursed, then left in the crib to watch the mobile while I got ready, took out Puck, and made and ate a sandwich.

I kept thinking Tyler was going to call, so I made sure to keep my phone with me at all times.

I got the car ready, then came to get Eis for our trip to the doctor (for me).  Dad was golfing and mom was at work, so I was left to manage on my own.  It's times like these when I realize how spoiled (in some aspects) Eisley and I are.

As we drove to see Dr. E, Ty called -- yay, but sad.  Yay because I lovelovelove talking to Ty on the phone.  Sad because I knew he had to wait in line to call and I was already driving to the doctor, so I knew we wouldn't get to chat too long.  We discussed my irritation with Dr. H from yesterday and the impending Thyroid quandary.

It would be difficult to schedule, yes.  I would rather not schedule it in the "middle" of EML, but there's no way to pin down dates for Ty's homecoming.  Surgery at the beginning is no good because then we're left dealing with my recovery.  Surgery at the end is no good cause if something were to go wrong, then he'd be stressed cause he would have to leave.  Surgery in the middle is no good cause we spend the beginning waiting around and the end sitting around.  However, I do like knowing he's here.  It was one thing to have a baby with him gone (sucked, but I knew nothing was likely go wrong), but surgery -- under general anesthetic -- is a bigger deal and there are more possibilities of complications.

If I have the surgery before his EML, then we don't have to worry about it and I'm already recovered and it's less stress, but I don't have him there as my support.  He takes really good care of me and I like that.  I know my dad will take great care of me, too, but it's different -- obviously.

I think, overall, that it's better to have the surgery before he comes back.  It's less selfish.

Anyway... back to the doctor visit.  We got there and I had my purse, the diaper bag, the rubadub, my phone, and the baby to carry in to the office.  I did pretty good, but Eis did not want me to sit still.  I walked around and then bounced her til I was called.

I was assured (by the scale) that I'm doing an awesome job at staying the same freaking weight.  And eventually Dr. E came in to the room.  I discussed how worthless Dr. H was as far as my needs were concerned and how I want to go back to Dr. McD in Temple while seeing these TX Ortho guys to try to figure out "what's wrong" and how to make the injections last longer.

We discussed that I'd rather not drive to Temple, but I don't know anyone here and it's scary to go to just anyone for the epidural injections cause I've had some dude mess up and it was agony.  I trust Dr. McD -- he's the best.  She said the guys down here have rehab attached to them, so I wouldn't have to go to two places... She said she'd research who would take my insurance and if she didn't find anyone good enough, then she'd send me to Dr. McD.

I should hear from someone in about a week.

We came home and I uploaded videos and pics to my parents' computer.  Flickr is up-to-date (sorry that took so long) and I have a video I need to make...

I also talked with MIL and gave her the loan info for HAP.  I am going to have my dad help me with the application tomorrow.  Hopefully we can get something done... and soon.

Day 108: Dr. Worthless

I'm not sure who called the guy I saw today a "spine doctor" because he was not.  He is a neurosurgeon.  I knew this, but I assumed (stupidly) that that just meant he had more insight to what could be wrong with my back and would be of more help.

Stupid stupid stupid.

They called me this morning and told me he'd not yet begun his surgery and my appointment would need to be pushed back to noon.  That messed up my schedule with Eisley a bit, but I tried to make it work as best as I could.

The irritating part was that throughout the visit with Dr. H, my mom didn't realize how much NOHELP he was, as far as me and my back were concerned.  He kept talking about how he doesn't think surgery is a great idea -- no shit, I don't want any -- and how it's important to get second opinions, it doesn't seem likely that I have substantial degeneration in my cervical or thoracic spine, though he doesn't have the MRIs from 2009 to refer to...  My mom kept asking him about the injections I was getting prior to the pregnancy, which, of course, he had very little opinion of because he only deals with surgery.

I wanted to leave because I felt like my time, at the moment, and for the previous two months had been wasted (that's how long I spent waiting/trying to get an appointment).  He said he'd order some X-rays to see if my fusion took and asked if I wanted to be called or come in and I said I preferred to be called because it's easier with the baby.  Then my mom opened her mouth and said, "I can watch her." I wanted to say, "Shut-the-Hell-up!" but was left to say, "Well... ummm... I suppose..." while thinking, "You clueless loon. Why can't you be on the same page as me and understand that this is a waste of my time?!"

I left extremely irritated with Dr. P for recommending him, with Dr. E for telling me how great he is, with my mom for being thick, and for the fact that I had wasted two months.  I wanted to cry and kick and scream, but I have to appear composed, so I didn't.  I did, however, call and make an appointment to see Dr. E tomorrow afternoon so I can get a referral to something that will be helpful.

I plan on explaining to her that I need to know what is wrong with my back. I don't want surgery. I want someone to LOOK at it and see what can be done.  I also want a referral to Dr. McDavid back in Temple because he was the best and I know it'll take a while to get this sorted out.  I'll undoubtedly be moving before anything helpful can occur as far as looking into my back.

Thanks Dr. H for stating the blindingly obvious that I'm "a little young" to have such problems.  Yeah, great, but that doesn't mean there are no problems. Stupid.

I'm so angry.  I'm too sleep deprived to deal with such irritations because I can't just say, "Yeah, well that was a bust... What's next?"  I stress out and can't cope properly and I get headaches from trying to contain the rampaging emotions in attempts to appear calm and only mildly irked.

I am also hating all this body fat. I need it gone gone gone.  I need it gone now.  I can't stand to sit down because my tummy creases and skin touches skin. It's gross and makes me hot.  Not to mention the fact that I can't fit in anything and I'm tired of looking frumpy all the time.

All in all, not a good day.  I need to calm down.

Day 107: Dead (Wo)Man Walking

Let me start by saying: 
Someone from Russia read my blog -- sweet!  I apologize for it's mild boring-ness.  

Holy crap.  My ENTIRE body aches.  The only parts that ache far less than everything else are my abs and quads, since I'd been doing some inner thigh/quad squats and crunches for the past couple weeks.

It hurts to move, sit, stand, breathe, laugh, sneeze, cough... The muscles in my back and over my ribs ache so bad that it hurts to breathe!  If anyone ever thinks Zumba isn't a full body workout, they're not doing it right or being lazy.  Though I was being a bit lazy with it and I'm still in pain.

I knew I had to take it easy, since I'd not worked out in five months.  My left trap seized up bad around 1500 yesterday, so that was fun to dance with, plus at some point I did something to my left foot.  It was screaming for the second half of the Jam Session.  I don't think I messed up any bones... I'm guessing I just strained something in the arch area.

Today I put Eis in the swing in the living room at 0700 and went back to pass out in my room.  At 1030 she was getting her diaper changed and I got up to feed her.  My dad left for Heights around 1045 and I was up with Eis for a bit, then I put her in her swing and decided I should nap while she slept.

I woke up at 1400, after an hour and a half.  I fed Eis, changed her, let my mom dress her, then we headed out to run a couple errands.  I knew it would be good to move around and walk, rather than sit, regardless as to what my body would have preferred.

We went to Target.  It was nice to walk around, despite how much it hurt.  Then we went to SAM's.  We were only gone three hours, but it was good.

I would like to take Eis to the Hike & Bike trail as soon as it's cool enough.  That'll be a nice segue to working out as hard as I did yesterday, plus it'll be nice for Eisley.

For some reason, she has been quite fussy tonight.  I didn't eat anything weird today... at least not that I think of as weird.  Nothing dairy-heavy.  My mom brought the swing in here, so I have her in it now to sleep, then when she sleeps again, I'll put her in the bassinet.

Ugh... even those funny bone-area tendons/ligaments ache!

Spine doctor, here I come.

Day 106: Zumba

Not much to say about Eisley today.  I left as much milk as I was able to pump in two days (3 oz. -- not enough) and headed out for a five hour endeavor.

I nursed Eisley at 1100, as she had been nursing for close to an hour each time for the past day and a half.  I left at noon, arrived at Fuego Fitness in Round Rock at 1230 and we began at 1300, at which point my boobs thought it may be time to nurse again.

I noticed a couple things at this Zumba Jam Session.  1) I was by far the fairest one there... fair, meaning pale.  The only one close to my skin tone was a natural blonde.  2) I was one of the tallest.  Everyone was so petite that I felt quite tall.  I'd say the average woman there was 5'1" or 5'2".  3) I was not the fattest, though I felt the fattest.  4) Zumba should not let ANYONE become an instructor.  Sure, it's a great way to suck money out of people, but it's not nice.  There were some terrible movers there.

At around 1500, I was pretty darn pooped.  It is very difficult to move this much extra weight around!  I cannot move as fast as I used to be able to do.  Plus, there is not one single move that I felt even remotely sexy doing -- cause I was too preoccupied by my fat... my twenty extra pounds of fat.  Many Zumba moves are sexy and supposed to make you feel sexy, but it's hard when that is the last adjective ever that I feel (at this weight).

I left at 1600, though pics were still being taken and some networking was happening, but my boobs felt like they were going to explode and I knew I had a hungry baby at home.

By 1700 I was home and showered.  I had to express some milk in the shower because I knew there was no way Eis would be able to latch onto my rock-hard boobs and if she did, the milk would probably shoot down her throat, which would be unpleasant.

My folks left for the night at 1745 and I was on my own.  It wasn't too much later that my body began aching.  I was exhausted -- even more-so than usual.  Then my body decided that I had worked too hard and it wasn't sure what to do except give me mud-butt.... oh, and bleed again.  Thank you, lochia, I stupidly though we were done.

I took a very small dose of Pepto and drank a lot of Gatorade -- thank goodness it worked.

My folks came home around 2345 and I had put Eisley in the swing in the living room, since she refused to sleep in her bassinet.  When I saw my mom, I patted her on the arm and said, "Have fun. I have to get some sleep," and went to my room.  Apparently Eis slept (as did my mom) until 0330.  I woke up to crying and realized they were in the nursery doing a diaper change.

Day 105: Shopping

Eisley slept for SIX hours last night.  0115 - 0715. That's all I was able to get cause there was no sleep before or after...

However the morning and afternoon held a number of things for us:
1. Birth Certificates = purchased and finally in hand.
2. MamaRoo returned = gift card in wallet
3. Tutu, sunglasses, baby "Uggs", socks = swooned upon, then purchased
4. Diamond ring = cleaned (Dan says hello)
5. New store (to me) = found

Chinatown for dinner with cutest baby in tow:

Day 104: Out

I had a few two hour stretches of sleep last night.  But after the 0630 feeding, I wanted to sleep longer.  I knew she'd sleep if I put her in the swing, which I don't like doing because I want her to be able to sleep in her crib/bassinet and not just in a swing.

However, I was sleepy, so I put her in the swing and laid on the couch because I knew she'd scream if I went back to my bed.  My plan was to wait until she fell asleep, then go to my bed, but I apparently fell asleep on the couch.

I woke up when my dad came out of his room. I woke up when the phone rang. I woke up when he made coffee. I woke up when he left for golf. I woke up when I was totally uncomfortable.  I woke up and stayed up when I was tired to trying to sleep on the couch.

Most of my day took place in the living room in the recliner.  Very boring, yes.

I found out that foreclosure is not an option for the house because if we foreclosed, then it would apparently ruin all of Tyler's options for anything he wants to do in the next seven years.  That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard of, honestly.  The coast guard not taking someone because the military made them move and they couldn't sell their house and the payments were ruining ..... shoot, I can't think when she cries nonstop...

She's wearing these jammies that zip from the top middle down one leg to the foot.  However, it's the biggest pain in the ass when it comes to changing diapers.  I have to upzip the whole thing, then take that leg out (easy enough), but then get her to bring her other foot to her chest so I can try to pull it out of the pantleg.  It's idiotic... especially considering she pees every 8 minutes for hours on end after she eats... maybe not hours on end, but long enough to last until the next feeding and do it all over again.

It's highly likely I'll have hearing damage by the end of this year.  I have started playing music on my phone through headphones and I have to have it SO LOUD to make it to where I can't hear her.  But I have to drown her out because she stresses me out.  I know this because I feel my traps harden into rocks when she cries, then pees, then cries, then poops, then cries, then cries, then pees, then pees, then pees, then pees, then eats, and then cries instead of sleeping.

And because she pees so frucking often, I have to check her and can't let her just cry for ten minutes straight.  It's really the most irritating thing imaginable. I don't like listening to music this loud... in my ears.

I don't like being so irritable.  I need to take up boxing or karate or something where I can hit stuff.  I don't like knowing that I will never ever again be fully in control of my life.  My days of doing what I wanted are long gone. I feel like a suitcase... a beat up suitcase.  Just dragging along going wherever I'm taken.

Holy crap, shut up, baby.  She's not dirty.  She is sweaty-ish.  I don't know if it's those stupid pajamas -- of which we have three pair, damnit -- or if she's sick.  I really should figure out how to use that thermometer.

-----------------------------

I keep thinking about my thyroid.  I apparently need to have the other half removed. It's also highly recommended that I have the radioactive iodine treatment.  However, I will not do the iodine until Eisley is done breastfeeding (ideally a year).  The surgery won't affect her, so I can do that whenever.  I was told I would have to stay the night in the hospital because it's a bit more invasive of a surgery, as they have to remove the lymphs that are around the thyroid and it has to be done under general because they have to monitor for nerve damage.

Wouldn't it just beat all if something happened and I was either horse or unable to talk forever.  I guess that would ruin my teaching career.  I'd have to figure out something else I could do cause there's no way we can just do one salary with a child and a house payment (whether renting or not).  I suppose if we eat spam and bread and never go anywhere, then it's possible.  But I don't want to live like that. I never have and I don't want to start.

The doc wants to do the surgery within the next six months.  Ty said he wants to be here for it.  I don't think we'll have enough time after he redeploys home -- it'll just be too stressful.  I can't recover from surgery and pack and move and take care of a baby.

------------------------------

I learned why Ty always worries/thinks I think he's "too stupid" to _________ (insert anything here).  I talked to Michelle about this and she said it's her fault.  She said he's always seen his dad try to do something and Michelle has to take over because he can't finish it without her help.  Her words were a bit more harsh.  I wonder what she genuinely thinks of Tim.  She told me, "He's an idiot," too many times to count.  I certainly don't think Tyler is dumb, stupid, or an idiot.  I couldn't marry or even date someone who I thought wasn't at least as smart as me.  I have told him that tons of times, but it's a deep-seeded insecurity, I guess.

That's unfortunate that Ty feels that way at times.  We are not his parents. I am not Michelle. He is not Tim.  I don't think of him as inferior in anyway.  Sure, I get irritated at him and occasionally wish he'd do things differently, but it's because we're different people and I'm extremely particular and set in my ways... doesn't mean he's wrong or dumb.  It means he needs to do things my way -- kidding -- it means I need to be more open about certain things.

I somehow thought about this while thinking of my thyroid, but now I can't think of anything because Eisley has officially cried waaaaay too long.  Something better be wrong to warrant this kind of crying.

Day 103: Marathon

Wow.  Wow!  All I can say is, "Wow!"  (Dirty, Rotten Scoundrels)

So I slept for what felt like NO HOURS last night.  Really, it was four.  But sheesh...

Here's how Eisley slept: S=sleep; A=awake

S 2300 - 0130
A 0130 - 0345
S 0345 - 0400
A 0400 - 0430
S 0430 - 0432
A 0432 - 0630
S 0630 - 0830
A most of the rest of the day...

I slept from midnight to 0130, then six minutes before she awoke at 0400, and then the two hours at the end.

It was a rough night.  She wasn't crying for all of it, but she was a-freaking-wake, which was enough to almost send me over the edge.  I swear that if I could have found a gypsy, she'd be gone.  It's tempting to sell her with the house... or just give them both away.

So, not only did she not sleep last night, but she hasn't slept much today.  I've stupidly spent the past two hours trying to get her down cause I stupidly thought she may be tired!  Apparently not!  She wants me to die.  She's mean and sadistic and hateful.  Despite the fact that I feed her, change her diapers CONSTANTLY, and do everything else, she wishes me dead.

There's no other explanation or reason to be that mean to someone.  Sleep deprivation is a form of torture -- literally.  I can only hope she tortures Tyler as much as she's tortured me thus far.

Unfortunately, it's really hard to be sympathetic and caring when filled with rage because you can't sleep.  Not only do I not get to sleep, but it's reached the point (again) to where it's DIFFICULT to fall asleep when I have the chance cause I keep thinking this little monster is going to make me get up.  I try to hold her close, swing her, take deep breaths, pray, and think of Tyler because if I don't, I feel like the lunatic part of me (dying to come out and take over) will smash through the window and fling her into the woods.

Then I think, "Well, I'd never really do that."  Of course not and for many reasons: I'd get in trouble and probably go to jail or insane prison; Tyler would be really mad at me (probably forever); she'd probably keep crying once outside and I still wouldn't be able to sleep... I'd have to put her in the car (it's cool enough at night).  However, as most moms who are so painfully sleep deprived and on edge, the thoughts do dance through my head.  Terrible, I know.

I can pretty much assure myself that the only people who would think it ghastly for me to even utter such words and entertain such thoughts are judgmental jerks who've never pushed out a baby, then not slept in weeks, and are subjected to a continuous loop of very LOUD crying.  It's like being kidnapped and tortured... you can't help but occasionally wish ill upon your captor.

If she'd quit waiting to go to the bathroom once she had a clean diaper on, then it'd be a bit easier.  But noooOOOOooo. She cannot even fathom peeing AND pooping in the same diaper!  That's crazy-talk.  And peeing all her pee at once?  Never!!! She must pee some in one diaper, then scream until I change it and then pee the rest in the next 2-3 diapers.

I am so frustrated and filled with anger that she can't just go the fuck to sleep!

I stand by my not wanting kids quite strongly at this juncture.

Day 102: Sleep?

I don't understand why it has to take so damn long to get her to sleep?!

Every evening is the same, but there's no way to alter what is going on to cut out the stupid bits and make it all efficient.

She falls asleep on my dad while we're watching tv.  I bring her in and put her in her bassinet or crib.  I stare at her for a couple minutes to make sure she's asleep, but as soon as I walk away she's awake and crying.

or

I bring her back and slowly wake her along the way to cut out the wasted time of us pretending she's actually going to sleep at whatever time we come back to the nursery.

Regardless, she undoubtedly has a dirty diaper and must be changed, at which point I also put her in whatever she's going to sleep in for the night.  It's during this that she decides she's hungry and gives me 10 seconds to give her food.  As things don't happen that fast, she decides she's starving and must not have been fed in years and begins crying.

We go to the glider and I put the Boppy around me before setting her down (on the Boppy, of course).  I then have to reset the diaper timer, make sure my water is within reach, put a burp cloth on my arm (so her face doesn't rest on me), and undo my shirt -- all of which takes maybe 20 seconds tops.  This seems like years to her, so she's screaming about how hard life is and how she'll die of starvation before -- and then she's silent and nursing.

If she falls asleep while nursing, I can put her down -- she'll wake up within seconds -- or I can hold her for a bit, then put her down -- she'll wake up within seconds. Either way, she's up.

If she's tired, I let her cry for a bit, but if it doesn't stop, then I check her diaper.  She's dirty. I change it.

She's wide awake now.  I walk her and bounce her.  She dozes off and I put her down.  She wakes up because she's stretching and wriggling too much in her "sleep."

I pick her up and swaddle her arms.  Then I have to walk her and bounce her til she's sleepy again.  I put her down while she's awake, but tired, so she can fall asleep and I don't have to "wake" her when I put her down.

She wriggles and squirms and fusses.  I check her diaper, just to make sure... it's dirty.  I have to start all over again!

I can read. I can sing. I can nurse. I can swaddle. I can walk. I can bounce.

It does not matter!

She has to make me think she's ready for sleep a minimum of five times before she'll actually go to sleep.  And by that point, I'm paranoid that she's not really asleep!  Or she'll pee or poo and wake herself up.  I go and refill my water for when I'm back in the nursery in a couple hours.  I do a couple laps around the room and check on her again.

Is the lamb or giraffe making the heartbeat noise? Yes.
Is she adequately covered, but not so much that she'll get too hot and wake up? Yes... maybe...
Is she comfortable?  I think so... at least enough so for this round of sleep
Is anything going to get in the way of her breathing?  Not at the moment, but she moves a LOT while sleeping and likes to bury her face in things...
Is she really asleep?  I don't know.  I'll try getting in bed and sleeping.

Then I look at the clock and PRAY -- literally -- that she'll sleep AT LEAST three hours.  Three is ok.  Anything under it hurts miserably.

However, even if it's a three hour stretch from 0400 - 0700 -- the "whites" of my eyes will be so red it will look like I belong in 28 Days Later.

--------------------------------

Tomorrow, Dad and I have to go to Temple to see Dr. L for my thyroid check-up.  I have my previous blood tests and one from last Wednesday has been faxed to him.  I should get an ultrasound and a biopsy, if there's anything worthy of concern.  He'll determine if I need radioactive iodine or anything and then we'll swing by the house on the way home.

There have been fires at Union Grove... not the middle school.

I told my mom that if Ty and his BDE were here, they'd be sent every single day to do bambi bucket and fight any and all fires in the area. "In the area" being a loose term... I'd bet they'd be sent anywhere in TX to help.
But have I heard anything on the news about 4ID(?) helping to fight the fires? Have I heard anything about anyone from Fort Hood Army Post helping anywhere? No.  Are they helping? I'm not sure, but I would venture a big fat NO.  They are just as capable as Ty's BDE... I guess they're allowed to be with their families when "home."

Irritating.  Just like my vasovagal syncope rearing it's ugly head again -- though more ferociously.  Yikes.  I have to be real careful now, especially when I'm holding Eis.

Day 101: Doctor Part Two

The morning was the same as any other... Zombie mom and BabyAwake.

Eventually it was time to go to the doctor.  I put the carseat back together after our poop incident during the last outing.  It seems like it was put together strangely before because she was sitting funny... I just reminded myself that I need to check out how to loosen the seatbelt straps -- they seem like they're getting too tight.  Anyway, I moved the car to the shade and reassembled the carseat, got the diaper bag, the lotion I'd been putting on her, and the two items we would be returning to BBBaby.

When we got there, Eisley was weighed at 9lbs and 1oz.  Holy moly!  She's a growing beast.  No wonder my back hurt so bad the other day carrying her around.  I don't know what I'm gonna do if my back doesn't get fixed soon -- I won't be able to carry her at all!

Anyway... Dr. E said it looked viral, which means we can't do anything but watch it.  She also said she wanted Dr. Canon to see it, in case it got worse and we needed to come back and she wasn't in.  He said it could also be extreme neonatal acne.  Regardless, there's nothing to do for that, either.  So we were left with the instructions to "watch it" and "continue putting the cream on" and to "come back if it gets worse."  Helpful... thanks.  I love not having definitive answers.

Anyway, we went to Jamba Juice next, since I was staaaaarving.  The smoothie didn't taste like it did last time I had it.  I don't know if my tastebuds changed since being preggo or if the guy just made it different. I suppose I'll have to have it again to check.

I was next dropped off at BBBaby to return our two items, which took a surprisingly long time.  Then we ran into Home Goods and I saw lots of things I wish I had and it made me sad I didn't have a job and couldn't spend monies.

I was also dropped off at Target to get some California Baby Calendula Cream for Eisley's face by recommendation from Nelena.  I like it.  It seems to be doing great for Eis.

Eis did pretty well last night.  Minimal fussing, but didn't sleep for longer than a three hour stretch.

She's getting sad now, since she's been in the crib while I've been typing, so I best go get her.

Day 100: Whoa... 100

Just 265 more to go... give or take.... twenty.  My countdown calendar says 273... I guess I'm optimistic with that only being 8 days over a year.

Today was a sleepy day.  Eisley slept for three hours, then two and a half, then one hour and forty-five minutes, then I gave her to my mom (as it was morning) and I slept more.

I awoke to my dad changing her diaper and she was fussy. I knew she'd be hungry soon, so I told him to give her the bottle from the fridge.  I got up, showered, then checked on him.  He'd never used the bottle before and was a bit irked cause she was fussing and not getting anything.  I explained how to get the milk to the tip to start it off, then how he had to hold it really firm so when she sucked it wouldn't push out of her mouth.

He took over and I took Puck to give him a bath.  I actually saw two fleas on him -- one of which I washed off and down the drain.  After his bath, I got the flea stuff out and applied it to him to kill those bastards.  Then I got Eisley and finished feeding her, since I knew two ounces from that bottle wasn't enough.

I'm not sure what happened the rest of the morning/early afternoon.  But eventually I fell asleep at 1530 for three hours cause my mom had Eisley and I was exhausted.

I got to chat with Nelena for an hour or so tonight and it was great.  I never found the receipt for the MamaRoo though, so I'm not sure what to do... and Nelena doesn't have any of the info anymore.

Unfortunately, Eis is fussing, so I must go get her.

I miss Ty.  I wish he could come home and stay home.

Day 99: Wiped Out

Eisley's rash was so bad yesterday that I decided I needed to take her to the doctor.  Luckily, our clinic is open 7 days a week.  I called at 0900 and got an appointment for 1130.  

Here's her face from the night before:

We left the house at 1115 and got to the clinic at 1130 on the dot.  We waited a minute before they called us back.  Dr. Smith said it looked like eczema and to buy something like Eucerine (lotion) to put on her face and to make an appointment for Monday or Tuesday to see Dr. Easterling to see how it's progressing.

We decided we should run a few quick errands, since we were out.  We should know that "quick" never happens!  

Buy Buy Baby was first on our list.  We bought some sun shades to put in my car on the backseat windows to keep the sun off Eisley -- as of now we'd been using a blanket (not in a ghetto way though). I also bought a bottle warmer, more long sleeve tops, some eczema lotion for babies, travel wipes, and some cute onesies.  

Turns out I'm going to take back the bottle warmer -- I don't want one -- and the onesies were bibs, so those will go back, too.  I am also going to take back the MamaRoo.  I just don't think Eisley likes it enough to warrant that much money.  

We needed to run by Specs and Sams, but Eisley was hungry.  I drove us to the parking lot between the two stores and parked so I could hop in the backseat and let Eisley nurse.  I also got to talk to Ty for a short bit while nursing, which was nice.  Eventually, she was finished and we headed inside Specs.  

I asked about unoaked Chardonnays, since I'd read about them and wanted to try one.  I also asked where their Martin Ray was, since I think the 2009 may taste similar to the 2005 that I love so much.  However, they didn't have any Martin Ray, which I found strange.  I then checked out their Moscato wines and stared at the one that I love so much, but didn't get it.  Finally, I checked out their hard cider to see if they had Magners, which they did, so my mom agreed to buy some for me. Yay!

We were pretty hungry, so we went over to the deli they have and bought a sandwich.  I ate half and took the other half home for dinner.  At some point, my mom went to the bathroom and then went to get the car.  It was moment later when she came back and asked if I had her purse.  Of course I didn't, so I asked if she left it in the bathroom -- she did.  She said she was flustered... because it was hot... outside...?!  I dunno...

Sams was our next stop and we only needed a few things, but it's a giant store and my mom wanted to try every single sample they were offering, so it took a long time.  It seemed even longer considering I'd been carrying the baby all day and my back still kills.  Eventually we got out of there and my mom said she wanted to stop by HEB before we got home... ugh!

I dropped her off and she ran in, since I didn't want to walk anymore.  Luckily, she was quick!  We were headed home to take care of Eisley, who had now had enough of running errands.

When we got home, I picked Eis up out of her carseat and there was poop everywhere!  On the carseat insert, on her diaper, on her shirt, on her shorts, and obviously her back, too!  I left everything and brought her in to clean her off.  My parents got everything out of the car while I changed Eis and then fed her, as she was starving, too (or so she thought).

Steve, Gail, and John came over for wine before they all went out for dinner and they planned to come back for dessert, but my mom didn't have dessert.  I found something online that looked really easy to make, so I volunteered to make it while they were gone.  

Too bad it took the entire time they were out to make this dessert!  I was pooped by the time the night was over.  

I took a pic of Eisley's face after using the lotion a couple times.  I'm not sure if it burns when I put it on, or if she thinks it's cold, or what, but she cries and I feel bad for her.  I'm not sure if it's helping... as of this pic it looks like it made her face just all red, instead of patchy red.  

I've only been putting the stuff on one cheek, so I can see if it's making a difference. I am also cutting milk out from my diet.  Not necessarily things made with milk, but milk alone.  I want to see if that has any effect.  Here's her face as of last night:

I also took our first casual family photo:

Ty said he didn't want to take the monitor off his neck, since it was just a quick pic.  We also discussed her face.  I said I didn't like the lotion going close to her mouth or eye, so I would use Lanolin there, since it's gentle, too.  I figured if it's good for healing butchered nipples, then maybe it'd help her skin, too.  I think it may be doing the trick... but she shouldn't have to have gunk all over her face forever.

Hopefully Dr. E will have some more insight.

Day 98: Wiped Out

I got a nice three hour nap this morning... and that's where my sleep ended.

My folks had doctor appointment this morning, so I was on my own -- no biggie.  However, I was lucky enough to get to talk to Ty early!  Sadly, it was because he wasn't feeling well :(
We chatted for quite a while, too!  Eisley was fussing, so when my folks got home, I gave her to my dad.

Ty and I got to Skype -- I love seeing his handsome face.  However, he wanted to see his daughter (go figure), so I had my dad bring me Eis.  It worked for a little bit, but then she got fussy and eventually it was too much and too loud, so I sent her away again.

We got to video chat for a few minutes longer before his internet went out.  I certainly hope he didn't spend forever trying to get back online.  I always home he'll try for five minutes, then just go to sleep.  It's not worth losing sleep -- especially when he wasn't in tip-top shape.

I grabbed a shower before the maids got to my "wing" of the house and headed outside.  My parents had two patio chairs and the swing out in the grass sitting in the shade.  It was funny to see them sitting in the middle of the yard like that.

Eisley was fussy most of the afternoon.  She didn't want to sleep and was exhausted.  My mom took Eisley for a bit, so I could try to nap.  I got twenty minutes before I was up and trying to help.  She oddly wouldn't take the bottle I told my mom to give her cause I was too exhausted to get up, but nursed when I got up cause she wouldn't quit screaming.

She promptly passed out after nursing.  Wooo!

I ate a Lean Cuisine for dinner and stayed in while my parents went to dinner and a movie.  They wanted me to go eat with them, but the timing was off with Eis and I didn't really want to go out.  It's a good thing I like staying in or I'd go insane... though maybe not cause if I wanted to go out, I'd make it happen.

I hope Tyler feels better and isn't getting sick.  He needs to take better care of himself, which includes sleeping.

I find I'm very torn about when I want him to come home.  I know it'll be easier (after) for both of us if he comes later, but March seems sooo late.  I wonder if he could do late January/early February? Would four months be too long to suffer through?  Would it be better for him to be here in March for weather and Eisley being older?  I don't know.  I don't know anything and I wish I did.  I wonder what Ty thinks.

Day 97: Homebody

I can't really remember this morning.  Hoorah for sleep deprivation!

I remember I made eggs.  I put dried, chopped onions in them, which I liked when I was preggo... it doesn't taste so good now.  I was pretty grossed out, but I ate them, since I went to the trouble of making them.

I also made hummingbird food.  I made 16 cups of it and a fairly medium-sized mess :-o

I do remember one thing, but it's not a good thing.  I've come to dread afternoons -- particularly from 1300 to 1600.  Afternoons used to be the best part of the day because I'd get to talk to Tyler.  I still get to talk to him, but it's gone from a noonish chat to anytime between 1300 and 1600 -- usually around 1430.  Now I am not a huge fan of the afternoons because I find I hit a wall around 1300.
I then debate whether to nap or not.  Will I hear from Ty sooner? or later?  Will he text as soon as I fall asleep?  Should I just try to wait?  Will Eisley continue to sleep?  Will she wake up when I finally pass out?

It's all these concerns that keep me from napping.  Then if I do fall asleep or get almost there and I do hear from Ty, I don't always enjoy talking to him as much as I want to and would otherwise.  Today he said he was going to sleep and I was happy cause I was about to pass out, but then he asked me a few questions and the delay in responses irritated me cause I was so tired.  Then when he did go to sleep, I couldn't sleep and Eisley woke up by the time I got sleepy again.

His new and unimproved schedule (later nights) makes for terrible timing.  Unfortunately, I know his schedule can't change to accommodate my exhaustion and I can't not be tired -- at least not for a long time.  I keep praying for more patience and I've gotten some, but I still need more.  I think it would help me to not be so selfish and better appreciate getting to talk to Ty when I can.  I've already said that I get depressed when I don't get to talk to him, so I can't forego our chats in favor of naps.  Plus, I don't want to beat myself up if I miss a chance to talk or am short and stressy when I do talk to him and don't get another chance.

Hopefully I can do better.

On another note, Eisley has had her diaper changed FOUR times since 2100... that's two hours! Ugh.  I am spending $22 per WEEK on diapers!  That comes out to about $1150 on just diapers in one year.  That means we need to pray harder to get out from under this house.  

I'm still waiting to hear back from the rental agency.  Jessica told me who to email and that they charge 9% of the rental cost.  I wonder which company Billy, James, and Jason use...  I wonder what percentage they pay the agency...

I best try to sleep while Eisley is down.  I'll bet I've got between an hour and three to sleep before I'll be called back to the nursery.

Day 96: Great Timing

I began my day with a 0600 feeding.  Eisley ate for about thirty minutes, then peacefully went back to sleep.  I was absolutely exhausted and praying for her to sleep three hours, so it only made sense that she'd wake up at 0730.  

I didn't have it in me to walk her around, so I walked her to the living room and put her in the swing.  I sat for a minute or two and watched her to see if she'd doze off and then I made my way back to bed.  I checked my phone, set two alarms, then laid down.  It felt so nice to lay down and cover up -- I sighed in content...  

Wah!

I ripped off the covers and stalked back to the living room.  She'd ripped Rubadub out of her mouth!  I stuck it back in, then covered her so it'd be harder for her to move him too far.  I waited... a bit less patiently, then went back to my room.  Again, it was like heaven for my head to hit the pillow.  I pulled the sheets up and felt myself melt into sleep...

Wah!

Holy crap. Are you kidding me?!  I flung my body out of bed and trudged into the living room.  She wasn't wet. She wasn't hungry. She was probably tired, but she kept ripping Rubadub from her mouth and upsetting herself.  Just leave it alone and you'll be fine!  I helped her out again, but she spit it out and whined.  I stared at her, not really caring why she was upset, but only wishing she'd shut up so I could sleep.

Seconds later, my dad opened his door and came out with Puck.  I looked at him and said, "I don't care why she's crying. I have to sleep!" and stumbled back toward my room.  I called back over my shoulder, "She ate and she's been changed."  I collapsed into bed for a third time and readied myself for sleep, but I lay there wide awake.  

Really?  I finally have the chance and I can't go to sleep?  I thought I'd finished with that already!  I lay there thinking whether she was hungry or not. It was an hour and a half since she'd eaten... but that was as of 0730.  It's 0800 now... that's two hours.  I don't want to feed her now.  It'll mess up my plan if she eats now.  I'll just wait to see if she stops crying.  

I focus on the white noise, trying to hear only that.  Is she still crying? Am I just thinking she's crying? Stop trying to hear, stupid. Just listen to the white noise and go to sleep.  It's hard to sleep when there's pressure to nod off, especially knowing I only have an hour fourty-five if I can go to sleep right now...

Finally I drift off and wake up to my alarm.  I hop in the shower and wash my hair in record time. I'm out, dry, dressed, and blow-drying my hair when I hear my dad go into the nursery with Eisley.  I brush my teeth and sit in the chair as he's done changing her.  It's 1000 and I have to leave in 45 minutes for my OB appointment.  

I nurse Eisley for 35 minutes, then get her dressed and head out to find my dad.  I've got to go soon...

I find him in the office.  He tells me, "Just a second," and I walk in a circle, gently swaying Eisley.  As I turn around, I hear "bleh" and feel spit-up launch down my cleavage. "Ugh! She just spit up."  I head back toward the nursery as she spits up twice more onto my arm and down the front of my dress.  I grab a paper towel and mop up what I can so nothing will drip onto the carpet.  

I lay her on the changing pad and wipe her spit-up-covered face, then pull off her onesie.  Dad heads back as I am digging through her drawer for another outfit.  I let him take over, so I can take care of myself.  

I grab another dress and change as quickly as I can.  Eisley is dressed and Dad is set.  I grab my keys and hop in the car, but as I get to the end of the street, my "Check tire pressure" notice comes on.  I jump out and check for flats -- none -- then back up down the street and into the driveway.  I run inside and ask to borrow the little Lexus, since I don't want to drive that far when my light is on -- Dad agrees.

---------------------------

OB takes forever -- as usual.  I discuss birth control. I discuss bloodwork for my thyroid. She tells me that I have until Eisley is six months to lose whatever weight I want to lose.  At that point my body will "reset" and it'll be extremely difficult to remain at a weight lower than where I am.  I leave and get blood taken.  The whole appointment takes two and a half hours (including driving time).  

I get home in time to nurse Eisley again. My dad heads out to hit some golf balls for a while.  When she's done, I take her to the living room and put her in the swing.  I watch some tv while she falls asleep.  I turn the volume down, so I won't be able to hear it, then head to my room for a nap.  

Unfortunately, I'm now super concerned about losing weight.  I'm TWENTY POUNDS over my starting weight!  I have four and a half months left to lose it.  Five months would leave me to lose four pounds a month, but now I have to lose more than that!  I have to lose at least one pound a week.  

Stressful much?!  

I finally fall asleep, then awake to wonder where I am and what's going on.  Everything is still quiet.  I go into the living room -- Eis is still sleeping. No one is home.  Oh... I only slept for an hour. Ugh.  I grab a sheet, then pass out on the living room couch til my mom comes home.

------------------------------------

Later in the evening...

I take Eisley to the changing table because she's peed.  I pull her dirty diaper off, then quickly put a clean one under her -- I'm onto her tricks, she'll not pee or poo on the change pad on my watch!  I toss the diaper, then begin to wipe her.  However, when I wipe her bum, I hear a toot. I wipe again and hear another toot.  I decide not to push my luck and cover her little bum with the diaper as she poops.  She looks at me and smiles.  That little rat fink!  She can't pee on the pad, so she tries to poop on my hand -- mean.  Not to mention, she's totally wasted a clean diaper. 

Day 95: Outing

Today I had to pump because tomorrow I am going to the OB and Dad is watching Eisley while I'm gone. That means he needs to have something to feed her should she get hungry.  Unfortunately, I can only pump after Eisley has nursed because if I pump at other times, she could want to eat, then be unhappy because I'm empty.

We started this morning at 0900 or so.  She ate, then I put her in the swing so I could try to pump.  I got a quarter of an ounce... if even that!  Disappointing.  The next time she ate, I didn't have time to pump because I needed to go to the store and didn't want to waste time where she doesn't need to eat or be changed.

I convinced my dad to go, too.  We went to the post office to mail Ty's box and something for my dad.  Then we stopped by the mall and I exchanged a top at Motherhood Maternity.  Next, my dad decided he wanted to stop by Starbucks to get my mom a new cup, since she accidentally broke hers.  He was nice enough to get me a frapp while we were there!  After that, we headed home.  Errands are always quicker with my dad than with my mom -- he's not much for shopping.

Once home, I fed Eisley again, then pumped once more.  This time I got about an ounce -- not too shabby.  However, the third time I pumped (a few hours later), I only got a few drops.  Therefore, I need to pump again, especially since Eisley is sleeping.  Too bad I need to sleep too... I guess it'll have to wait til I finish pumping.

I got to chat with Ty twice today.  Only for a short bit, since I was running errands earlier and he was getting ready for mission a bit ago, but it was better than not getting to talk at all.

I can't wait til he's back.  I've been working on the baby book and I am excited to show him.

Day 94: Hmmm

There were a couple things that I wanted to write about, but after numerous two hour naps throughout the day, I can't really remember anything.

This morning around 0700, I took Eisley to the living room and put her in the swing.  I figured my mom would take care of her, but I wasn't concerned because I need sleep desperately.  At 0900 or so, my mom told me she was going shopping and Eis was in the swing.  She asked if she should turn off my noise maker so I could hear her if she cried.  I said I'd hear her anyway and to leave it on.

I think we ended up waking up around 1100 or so...

Ugh. Freaking Eisley's arms!  Drive me nuts... I want to bind them to her body so she won't flail them about and wake herself up!  I swaddle her so tight and she wriggles out of it or just wriggles the blanket up around her face and I have to fix it.  So irritating.  Hold on...
Ok. Swaddled her extra tight, then bounced her a bit, then put my boob compresses on her to weigh her hands down.  Should work...


Anyway... woke up at 1100 and fed her.  Shortly after waking, I brought her in, put her on the change pad and proceeded to change her diaper.  I sit her on the old one, wipe her, then throw away the old one, put a new one under her, powder her, then close it up.  However, this time, as soon as I removed the old one to throw it away, she starts to pee!  She peed all over the changing pad, so I put her new diaper on her, scooted her over, then changed the cover of the changing pad.

We decided to go sit outside with Puck, since the weather was the most beautiful and perfect it's been since I can remember.  However, she pooped shortly after we sat down, so we were back inside changing diapers again.

I decided I was hungry, so I put her in the swing in the living room and grabbed some breakfast while she swung.  She started crying when I was close to finished eating, so I turned off the swing, picked her up, then held her in one hand while I finished eating my cereal with the other.  I checked the bottom of her diaper as I put my bowl in the sink and noticed she needed to be changed again!  We went back to the nursery and I began the routine, but as soon as I removed the dirty diaper to throw it away, she pooped on the changing pad and then started peeing on it!  I was shocked that she'd dirtied both of my change pad covers in a matter of an hour!

Needless to say,  I did a load of laundry immediately.  I had plenty between the two covers plus all the stuff she spit up on last night...

I gave her to my dad cause I wanted to go sit outside with Puck and knew she wasn't up for being still and calm.  Puck and I sat outside for probably close to an hour.  It was around this time that I got to chat with Ty, but also got extremely tired.

I went inside and laid on my bed.  I wanted to nap so bad, but wanted to talk to him, too.  I just hoped he would need to go to sleep soon.  Luckily he did, but unfortunately, Eis was crying about 20 minutes later.

I fed her, changed her, then gave her to my mom so I could sleep.  I slept for two and a half hours and then decided I should get up and eat while she was sleeping.  She had a three hour nap while I slept and ate, which made for a late night tonight.

She nursed for almost an hour before I began writing and she's actually gone to sleep (I think) without having to cry and squirm first! Yay!... Well, she squirmed, but I fixed that.  I must go to sleep while I can, since who knows how long I'll actually get to sleep.

My goal is to take Eisley to the post office and mall by myself tomorrow.  I need to mail a box and return a top.  Maybe if I take too long at home, dad will go with me after he returns from golf.  We'll see.

Day 93: Heights

Eisley did not sleep for five hours last night... good thing I wasn't holding my breath!  She slept for three, then was up for an hour, then slept for an hour twenty, then up for an hour, then slept two, then woke up again.  After I fed her, changed her, and put her down, she began crying after 15 minutes... However, I heard someone in the kitchen, so I called out for them to come get her.  I then got three hours of sleep.

I woke up at 0956 when she cried and my dad was changing her diaper.  I knew it was time for her to eat, so I got up, got ice in my water, then came in to nurse her... let her nurse...?

I must interrupt myself because every time I write about breastfeeding, I question what I'm writing.  I know she nurses, but can I use that term with me as the subject?  I feel like I can't because then I would be the one at the boob... thoughts?

Anyway, she ate.  By now it was 1040, so I passed her off to my dad so I could eat breakfast.  I decided we should head to Heights around noon.  I checked on my mom to make sure she was getting ready and we decided that Puck should get to go, too.  Then I headed off to find clothes to wear.

I readied myself and got Eisley's things together, then threw Puck's belongings in the diaper bag, as well.  No point in carrying multiple bags when everything can fit in one.

My dad was outside moving the car-seat to the "big Lexus" but wasn't having the best luck and getting a bit stressy.  I figured I should go help before he blew a gasket, but when I got outside, he was taking the car-seat back to my car!  I stood next to him and watched quietly and asked if he wanted me to help -- to which he didn't reply.  I eventually went to the other side of the car and got in to try to help.

Instead of using me and my eyes, he was trying to latch the car-seat into the seat where he couldn't see and he was getting even more frustrated!  Finally I said, "Want me to do it?" and he said, "Yes!" in his snarky tone like he'd been waiting for me to say something.  I asked where it was supposed to go and he explained.  I latched it and before I could say anything, he pulled the strap to tighten it and it got twisted and wouldn't tighten enough.  I stopped him and was trying to untwist it, but it was too tight, so I then was trying to unlatch it to try again.  Eventually I got it unlatched and untwisted, re-latched, then he tightened it again and twisted it up!  I told him to stop cause he kept making it twist and he needed to slow down.  I untwisted it, then held it steady and slowly tightened it again.

Once it was in, he made a big show about how crappy the latch system was and how with "his little finger" he could flip the top of the car-seat and it'd tip toward the back of the seat (the direction it faced). I didn't say anything because when he's stressy, there's no logic. Not to mention, he was dripping sweat all over the car seat and I wanted him to go inside.

When we finished, I said, "I'll pack the car and you go do what you need to do."  I packed Eisley and Puck's things, then put Puck inside, started the car, and went to get my parents to head out.

The trip was miserably uncomfortable for me because I was in the middle of the backseat and only half my bum was on the "hump" because Eisley's car-seat took up a lot of space... as did Puck!  He tried to lay on my legs and the other seat through the whole ride.  I knew that he'd have to sit in the middle on the way home.

When we got there, Alea showed up, then Amy, about 15 minutes later.  I felt bad for Alea because Amy kept talking (baby) "shop."  I wanted to talk about school and work and other things, but Amy made it mildly difficult.  Amy must be lonely because she overstayed her welcome and talked nonstop the entire time she was there.  She's sweet and I enjoy talking to her to an extent, but I am reminded of Jamie when I'm with someone who can't stop talking.

Eventually she left -- after many hints from my mother -- and we ordered pizza from Old Chicago.  My parents drove the truck to go pick it up, while I stayed back and fed Eisley.  She was nice and quiet throughout our dinner and while we packed up to leave.

As I headed to the car with her, I notice her diaper was extra squishy, so I grabbed the diaper bag from the car and went back inside to change her.  I was blown away when I opened her diaper to the biggest poop I'd seen in her month of life!  I had my dad bring me some wet paper towels, since we were out of wipes in the diaper bag and he helped me change her.

She was awake for much of the drive home, but didn't fuss at all... she just stared out the window.  Once home, she was hungry again -- it had been three hours, since she'd eaten.

She nursed for 40 minutes and I spent an hour trying to put her down, then she nursed for 50 minutes!  She just finished twenty minutes ago.  She was sleeping, so I put her down and of course, she woke back up immediately.

She is intensely fussy because she's tired, so I will undoubtedly change her a few times, then have to let her fuss her stress out so she can fall asleep...

Day 92: Errands

Eisley slept for five hours last night (2345-0445), then from 0600-0900 this morning.  I'm not holding my breath for a third repeat performance, though it would be nice.  Someday...

She's really having trouble letting herself go to sleep tonight.  I've been at it for at least two hours.  Now she must cry for at least 10 minutes to release her "stress" so she can relax and go to sleep... who doesn't love to sit and listen to screaming for what feels like forever?!

Four minutes down...

This morning was spent getting parcels ready to mail out.  I got my surprise (small) box ready to mail to Tyler, while my mom got her stuff ready.  When Eisley woke up from her nap, I fed her, changed her, then got ready and we headed out for the afternoon.

We first went to the post office, which was closed because of the holiday weekend, apparently.  We were surprised, along with many other patrons who'd stopped by to mail things.  Luckily, there's an automated system at our post office, so everyone else's things could be sent... just not my box for Ty.  I'll have to wait until Tuesday... boo for customs.

Next, we stopped by Starbucks, which was nice.  It'd been a month since I'd had any!  Eisley was still asleep, despite being taken in and out of the wrap and car-seat, twice!  We relaxed inside Starbucks for a bit, since it was calm and cool in there.

Then we got in the car and headed out toward the Galleria.  We had to stop by Petsmart to refill Puck's thyroid meds.  They only gave me a month's supply, since he needs to have his levels checked.  I'll have to make an appointment to see the doctor sometime in September.  That should be a good trip with a baby and a dog or perhaps just a dog and a parent at home to babysit...

While at Petsmart, Eisley woke up and peed and therefore began crying.  My mom took her to the car to change her while I waited for the pills, then checked out at the front.  I bought dental stuff for Bub and I bought poop bags to keep in the diaper bag for safekeeping of dirty diapers -- clever, I know!

We drove a couple stores down and my mom went in World Market, while I stayed in the car and let Eisley nurse, as she was hungry, even though she ate right before we left home only an hour-ish prior.  Eventually, my mom came back and we drove over to the Galleria so she could look at some shoes.  Eisley was again asleep in the wrap and in the car-seat as we went home.

Once home, I heated my leftovers from Mimi's and ate while my dad held Eisley before they went to dinner.  It was only 1645, but I was hungry and I wasn't sure if I'd have time later.

FYI: Eisley finally got her fidgets out and passed out... I think it was 10ish minutes of crying, then four of relaxing and going to sleep.

Anyway... After I ate, I let Eis nurse and then she went to sleep for three hours.  I watched tv, despite being tired.  She was in the swing in the living room for her nap and I didn't want to sleep on the couch and I knew she'd wake up if I moved her.

She woke up around 2015 and after I let her nurse, then changed her four times, read her a book, sang her a song, and walked around with her, she's fallen asleep... it only took... three hours?!  Sheesh.  I don't know how I got off with my time... well, I guess an hour was nursing and changing and reading.  It was two hours of actively trying to get her to go to sleep.

Let's just hope she stays asleep for at least three hours.  Three is what I pray for at night... anything over that is just a blessing and not to be taken for granted.

I did get to chat with Ty for a bit today.  It was nice.  It's really hard for me to go for days without getting to have a decently real conversation.  I know he gets in late and needs to sleep, which is why we don't get to chat, but it doesn't make it any easier.  I'm much calmer overall when we can chat.  I can now empathize with my elementary students with deployed parents... You don't think your whole demeanor is based on whether you've spoken to your loved one, but apparently it does and it can get ugly.  Poor kids... poor me.

While I was chatting with Ty, his net kept going out and I'd send a message, then get another text saying he was offline.  I don't like having the "he's offline" texts in my inbox, so I delete them after they come.  However, I accidentally deleted all my messages back and forth with Ty for the past three months, instead of the "he's offline" messages.  I was quite distraught and pissed off with myself.  I thought I'd done that back in July and could have killed myself for being so careless, but I hadn't made that mistake, so I promised myself I'd be slower and more careful.  Apparently I didn't tell myself how long I'd be slow and careful.  It's comforting to have all his messages and texts because (as horrible as it is...) I never know if what I hear from him will be the last thing I hear from him and I want to have it all, just in case of the worst.

I think positive thoughts and imagine him home and pray for his safety, but I'm a realist, too, so I can't overlook the fact that he is at war. For a year. Around bullets. And rockets. And other explosives. So I have to be both optimistic, yet realistic cause I don't want to kick myself for being only optimistic if something happened and I didn't have everything possible to remind myself -- and Eisley -- of him.

Well, Eis is out, so I'm off to sleep. Pray for five. And for our house to sell. And for Ty.

Day 91: One Month

Eisley is one month old today.  Wow! How time flies when you don't sleep...

We went to Mimi's Cafe for dinner with the grandparents.  It wasn't too bad and she only cried a little at the end...

She slept for five hours last night 0030-0530 and then four hours from 0600-0945.

Yay!