Day 242: Loungin'

Argh... had an issue and lost my post. Frownyface.


My back hurts.
I'm going to Zumba, regardless, tomorrow.
I have rehab at 1245.

I took pics of Eis.

1. She was "posing" in her the boppy

2 and 3 were after dinner. She was in the bebepod, which sits on a towel, so the chair doesn't get dirty.  She was playing peek-a-boo with the back of the towel.

Day 241: Rough Night

Eis woke fairly soon after being put down, last night.  She was extremely fussy and inconsolable, so I decided to take her to my room, since I knew she'd be up a lot.

I cornered off an area for her against the wall and laid down next to her.  She was quite unhappy, despite being in my bed in my room.  I checked the timer and figured she could be hungry, so I nursed her, then spent a while trying to get her to burp.  She finally did and quieted down a bit -- she had obviously had some painful gas.  She was still fussy and I was not about to hold her and walk around, so I put on Beethoven's Piano Sonata and used an app on my phone that makes the screen change colour and I just held the phone in front of her.

She calmed down immediately and watched the screen and listened to the music.  After a few minutes, I changed the screen to show a moving spiral... that made her get sleepy.  After a couple more minutes, I turned off the screen and music and she fussed for about three minutes, then fell asleep.

She was up close to every hour or two, though she did get in one 3-4 hour stretch.  Usually, when she woke up, she'd just cry.  She wasn't hungry. She didn't have a dirty diaper.  She was just in pain from the  teething.  It was terrible.  Needless to say, I knew around midnight that I wouldn't be going to Zumba.

She woke at 0800 and mildly fussed for 40 minutes before giving in and going back to sleep.  Those 40 minutes were full of me trying to sleep, but constantly being awoken by her verbally fighting against sleep.  Then she woke up at 0950 and I was able to stay in bed for 15 minutes before she got fussy enough to where I got up and gave her to my mom.

I went to rehab and she mashed me pretty good and said that my muscles were really tight and it's hard on my body when I don't get sleep and am unable to exercise.

Yeah, tell me about it.

Today's picture is of Eisley during dinner.  I was feeding her sweet potatoes and as I came in with the spoon, she moved her arms and head and I got sweet potatoes on her forehead. Oops...

Day 240: The Misery

I fell asleep at 2330.
Eis woke up at 2337.

I fell asleep at 2348.
Eis woke up at 0103.

I fell asleep at 0118.
Eis woke up at 0514 -- thank goodness for a four hour stretch.

I fell asleep at 0530.
Eis woke up at 0945.

I was so irritated the first two times she woke up because I was so exhausted and just wanted to sleep.  Of course she had a wet diaper and of course she thought she was hungry.

However, her mood all day today made me grateful that she wasn't as fussy last night as she was all day. She didn't want to nurse easily. She didn't want to sleep easily.  She didn't want to play.  She even fussed when she was being held!

I don't know if it's still the first tooth that's just moving more and causing pain or if it's tooth number two that's trying to push up through the gums.  Either way, I hope it ends soon because she stresses me out when she's this fussy.

I ordered a remote control for my Sony NEX-5. It should be here soon. I can't wait!

Day 239: Anxiety

I'm developing some anxiety.  It's fairly general and most likely due to the thyroid meds, however, I am also having specific anxiety regarding Tyler's calls.

The past few times Tyler has called, I have missed it.  My phone didn't ring, I couldn't get to it in time, or I just didn't have my phone with me.  Usually, he would call back because last deployment, I would get all panicky when I'd miss a call, since they were so infrequent.  For the most part, when he would get a chance to call, this deployment, and I 'd miss it, he'd call back.  However, the past few that I've missed, he has not called back.

I seem to have missed his calls by seconds to a single minute.  Thus, I have then stopped whatever I am doing and just held my phone, staring at it, waiting for the "call back."  Unfortunately, as I said, there has been no second call.

My heart hammers in my chest, my breathing becomes shallow, and I fight the urge to scream and cry. Seconds tick by, then minutes, until, eventually, I realise he won't be calling again.  At that point, I become surly and on-edge.  I have missed a call.  I won't get to talk to him or hear his voice.  What if that's the last call I will get?  How could I be so stupid to put my phone down?  How could my phone not ring?  How come it didn't answer -- I was swiping my finger?!

I had my phone on, ringer up, in my hand all day long, just in case he called.  However, I accidentally left it at home when we went to dinner.  I was a basket case through dinner.  I checked my pockets repeatedly, along with my purse and the diaper bag.  How could I have put my phone down and not picked it back up?  What if he calls? What if I miss it?  What if... What if... What if...

I get home and search everywhere -- my dad finds it for me.  Luckily, he hasn't called and I haven't missed anything.  I carry it around as I get new water, as I draw Eisley's bath, as I change into shorts.  I take it with me when I bathe Eisley and when I get her ready for bed.  I put it on the bed, so it doesn't fall down into the chair where I won't be able to get to it, but I switch it to vibrate, so it doesn't make noise as she's trying to fall asleep.

Then when I miss a call and my moods are swinging hither and yon, I can't sleep and I crave sugar and carbs and everything unhealthy.  I try to eat myself into a state of calm, but it doesn't work because I'm not sleeping and anxious and food doesn't erase that.  To top it off, my back seizes up from the stress of it all and I get terrible headaches, which make my back tighten further.

Here is a pic of me and Eis, shortly before I missed a phone call from Tyler:

Fourteen minutes later, Eis is in her crib and I have race cars speeding through my veins.

Day 238: Sad, Sad Baby

I had to skip Zumba today because I was too tired.  Eis woke up at 0300, then 0500, then 0617, then 0638, and I was supposed to be up at 0720, so I knew there was no way I could do it.  Instead, I got up around 1000, showered, nursed Eis, then left for rehab.

I did the total gym, then what felt like a million leg-lifts, then she mashed on me.  I am way sore now -- yeesh!  However, when I got home, I grabbed Mom and Eis and we left to go run errands.

We found a store called Baby Bugaloo, which was expensive baby stuff.  There were some cute things, but nothing worth the price, as far as I was concerned.  We did find out they would be at Le Garage Sale this weekend, at the Convention Center, so that's what tomorrow holds for Mom and me.  We were starving, so we stopped at The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf, since it was right across the street.

While there, I saw the CBTL version of the Keurig.  It was much sleeker and stylish:

It can brew espresso, coffee, or tea -- as of now.  The price? $150.  There was also an accompanying milk steamer/frother for $60.  I didn't see prices on the capsules of espresso/coffee/tea.  I would have to sit down and do some serious math and thinking to be able to determine if a machine like this would ever be worth it.  I know I considered purchasing Angela's Keurig, but she was selling it for $100 because she was including a bunch of coffee.  That wasn't the greatest deal, since neither Ty nor I drink regular coffee.  It was also not a great move, since we will be moving and didn't want more stuff to move.

We ran a few mundane errands in Westlake, then drove up to Jo-Ann Fabric at the Arbor Walk.  I have decided I want to make a dress for Eisley, so we went to buy fabric and buttons.  I want to do like a smock/jumper dress... a bit A-line like this one:

I think I can do it. I had a pattern, but I decided I could do just as well without a pattern, so I didn't buy one.  I'll have to take pics... I'm not sure my mom thinks I can do it.  I have a feeling she thinks I will try it, but it won't work or it'll be ugly.  I'll hope for the best.

I had to skip dinner out with the folks, tonight, since Eis wouldn't nap and was fussy... almost as fussy as she was in Jo-Ann Fabric!  She was inconsolable in Jo-Ann's.  She wasn't wet. She had just napped.  She had just eaten before her nap.  The only thing we could attribute it to was her tooth.  So, I sent my parents off to eat, since Eis had to nap and get rid of her fussies.

Day 237: Blogs

I have a few blogs I read, daily... They're all from people with whom I went to high school.  Allison and Amanda are twins, with separate blogs of their separate, married lives... and Katie whom I have known since elementary school and whose photography/"photoshop" skills I covet.

They're all so different.  Allison and Amanda both had to use fertility treatments, though Allison's worked after a short time and she now has a nine month old son.  Amanda has been at it for over a year and still is not pregnant.  Sometimes, I feel guilty that I got pregnant and had a child when I didn't even want one.  Don't get me wrong, I love Eisley, but I can also picture my life if I hadn't had her.

Katie apparently became a "free spirit" and from some of her FB pics, she reminds me of my sister -- wild. She seemed into desert raves and cochella and such.  She had tiny clothes and crazy hair, but apparently she got married, had an adorable little girl, and seems to be a great mom.  Her photography skills are great, but her use of photoshop (or whatever program she uses) is what's most impressive.  It gives her pictures an ethereal quality... though it doesn't hurt that she seems very free and lack inhibitions.

I suppose that's easy to do when you're comfortable with your body and you've grown up in a more relaxed household.  I think I could take/be in the pics she's done, though I wouldn't feel comfortable with my parents seeing them, since they're so worried about what other people think and always giving their unsolicited opinions.  I wish I were more carefree and had slightly more open-minded parents.  They're very judgmental and I am not sure they realise it.  When Eisley is a bit older, I will have to tell them to mind what they say because I don't want her judging or feeling bound by others ideas.

That's one of Katie's photos.  It's just so striking and unique... beautiful, but not something I could do.  I don't want to blame my parents for everything, but I think it must be their "fault" that I am somewhat the way I am... so careful, sheltered, and shy... I never do anything remotely wild or crazy or carefree.  I don't think you can grow up and always hear lectures and speeches about every possible consequence of any move you could ever make and judgments of everyone and then be carefree.  I suppose that's wrong because I could have gone the complete opposite way and be more like my sister, but with my brain, it just was not meant to be.

Anyway, Allison's blog is amusing, though workaday.  Both she and Amanda are, and have always been, funny, but there's nothing extraordinary going on in their lives.  Don't get me wrong, I know I am not writing anything extraordinary, nor even funny, but I also resist the urge to comment on their blogs, often.

For example, today, Allison wrote a "wish list" of sorts.  Some things were vaguely plausible, while others were on the "occupy" level of outrageous, for example, having all her meals and grocery lists prepared by someone else for the rest of her life, or a free, live-in barista to make her frappuccinos whenever she wants.  She invited others to comment and add their own wishes.  Amanda wished to be pregnant and others wished for gardens, new wardrobes, for clothes to fit perfectly, for babies to change their own diapers, to live somewhere else, and to not have to do laundry.

I thought about adding my own wishes, however, my wishes aren't crazy things that could never happen or completely boring.  I would wish for Tyler to be home (happy, whole, and healthy). I would wish for a solid year of health.  And that's all that I would wish for...

However, if I really think and try to come up with wishes with which others could related, I would wish for a body with which I am comfortable... to have hair that always looked great... to have a job that I loved... though those are all things I could have with the proper amount of effort on my part.  Wishing is hard.  I don't want to spend time wishing for things that are unattainable, but I don't want to wish for things that are, either, because if it is attainable, I'd rather work toward that goal, than just wish for it.
... obviously I'm not a democrat!
I suppose I have things I pray for, instead of wish.

I don't comment on her blog because I don't want to make her feel bad for wishing for "pointless" things.  I also don't want to come across like I want pity.  Thus, I don't comment because inevitably one of those things would occur.

On a completely unrelated note, I talked with Tyler yesterday about what to do with my life.  I am getting old and had that feeling of, "I haven't done anything with my life."  I know Tyler cannot possibly relate because deploying three times to fight for your country IS doing something.  Not only that, he has a career he loves and his life is grand.

You're probably thinking, "Ummm, Jennifer, if his life is grand, isn't yours grand, too?  I mean, you share your lives with each other, right?"

Yes.

And no.

We are married, but we live two very separate lives -- especially right now!  I have our child and am living with my parents.  He (in essence) has no child and is living the Army life of missions, flying, crap food, and man-stuff.  He can't talk to me about what he does and he can't relate to my topics of conversation.  He'll be home soon, but the majority of his time is still spent with the Army and at work and I have very little way to relate to that.

I can and love to listen to him talk about what he does or vent about things, but I can't empathize.  I can just listen and give my advice or opinion if he's interested in it.  As for me, I have a degree that provides me a job that I don't much like or care about -- though I am excellent at it.  I am decent at many things, but excellent at none.  What I would like to do would require money put in before money could be made from it and I don't like the idea of doing that, should it not pan out.

Tyler suggests I write books, though I don't feel like I would be a good writer, as most of my writing is more along the stream-of-consciousness type of writing.  I don't think that necessarily appeals to many audiences.  I found the "book" I started writing in 2007 and I found it entertaining, though I wish I hadn't stopped writing because I was at a very different place in my life then and it's hard to get that voice back.    I am not sure what the general public would think of it and I hate the idea of failure, which is why writing books of any variety seems so incredibly daunting.

What if I just can connect with any audience?  Perhaps, it was the children's story I had to write in middle school that has me unnerved... it was total crap and I am well aware of it.  I would like to think I could do better than 12 year old me could, but what if I can't?  What if I'm destined to just be a great teacher and hate it...?

Pic of the day is Eis in her Ramones onesie.  It's still a bit too big, but it was soft and she looked cute in it.

Day 236: Rain and Toofies

Between the extreme storm and Eisley, I was up every hour to two last night.  She went down around midnight and woke up at close to 0300.  I don't know if it was for baby reasons or if it was because of the super bright lightening and deafening thunder.  I think that storm had a microphone because it was louder than any storm I can remember.  However, I am glad that Eisley wasn't scared of the noise.

I had to skip Zumba because of the no sleep and it was still quite stormy and I didn't want to drive in terrible weather combined with school and work traffic. Eis woke up around 0845 or so and my dad came and got her, while I kept dozing.  I finally got up at 0945, since I had to shower before I left for rehab.

I dried my hair only a bit, dressed, then came into the nursery and saw my dad in the glider with the boppy and Eis sleeping in his arms.  It was sweet.  However, she sensed me and was hungry.  My dad passed her over and went to enjoy a few minutes of peace before he got her back.  I nursed her, then put her down to finish/start her nap.

Rehab was great, today.  I did the 10 minutes of side-stepping on the treadmill, then she worked out the muscles in my mid-back.  She straightened me out and mashed me back into place, then I did 10 minutes on the "total gym," which caused some muscle in my lower back to ache, so she took me back to the table.  I laid on my side and she mashed on something that was insanely tight and cranky.  She checked the other side, which wasn't too bad, then she had me twist and make sure everything was ok.  Finally, she had me lay on my back and use a band and strengthen my shoulders and shoulder blades, since my upper back is still so weak.

I had to stop and get gas on the way home, since I was out.  The 7-11 was next door to the Randalls in Terry Town, so I ran in and got my parents some milk, since they were out.  Despite it being a small Randalls, they had a lot of things that our big HEB doesn't have, such as gallon-sized Lactaid.  They also had a Lucerne brand of lactose-free milk, which HEB doesn't carry.  Their tea and coffee selection seemed larger and I can't remember what else they had, but I was impressed.

Eis took a few naps throughout the day, but they were all short and she was fussy half of the time she was awake. I made an au gratin ham potpie for dinner, which was delicious -- a recipe I think Ty would like, unlike yesterday.  Don't get me wrong, the beef burgundy baskets from yesterday were divine, but I don't think Tyler would have liked them.  I don't know how he would have felt about the chunks of onion, though I think he may be ok with the mushrooms... it's hard to tell.  I loved it and thought it would be a great meal to make for company.  Tomorrow will be scalloped chicken supper -- hopefully it'll be as good as last night and tonight's dinners.

I fed Eis her carrots while we ate dinner, but she didn't eat as much as usual.  After dinner, I showed my mom nine items from Children's Place (online) that I thought were cute.  She had forgotten to peruse when the sale was 40-50% off, but things were still 25% off, which wasn't terrible.  She ended up agreeing to buy the clothes, which came out to about $75 including tax. She's so generous!  It's items for this summer, this fall, next winter, and next spring.  Though everything was $11 or less, I am confident that Tyler and I will be buying Eisley's clothes at Target, since they have many things for $5, which will be plenty for us.

There was one outfit on Zulily -- a site I need to stop looking at -- that was so freaking adorable.  I imagine her running around in it with her chunky little legs:

As my mom held her, I put my finger in her mouth, since she likes to chew on it and she bit down and I felt pain.  I realised at that moment, she was getting her first tooth.  That is exciting, but it sucks, since she is so incredibly fussy and screams like a banshee when it comes time to sleep.  I hope this ends quick.

Day 235: Rain, Rain, Stay Awhile

... Eisley won't stop screaming.


:(

Day 234: Stymied

I went to Zumba this morning and felt like I had some energy, which was nice.  I always get out of there pretty quick, though, because no one ever talks to me and it's awkward standing around pretending like someone might want to say something to me.  I showered when I got home, then nursed Eis a bit before I left for Dr. P's.

We decided to keep going with rehab, and he wants to lay off the neck injections for a while, though I think they've been helping in conjunction with the physical therapy.  He did mention the procedure that burns nerve endings, though he doesn't do it, but he said that it is an option if we can say without a doubt that the SI injections are helping... as steroids are not a permanent solution.

I scheduled an appointment for five weeks from now and then left for my laser hair removal session.  I had a lot of time before I needed to be there, so I found a Starbucks and made a call to Tricare to see how many rehab sessions I have left.  After I got my latte, I went to Alite and they took me in after a couple minutes, despite the fact that I was 20 minutes early.  

I chatted with the technician, Dallas, and she zapped me and we were done in a matter of 10 minutes from start to finish.  I went out to reception and they said that they're doing a special where everything is 50% off, so that bikini, which is usually $160, was $80, and the underarms, which is usually $100, was $50.  Thus, my total was $130.  I had ten $50 gift certificates, so I pulled out two and planned on dropping $30.  However, she said I could only use ONE.  I told her that I'd always used more than one at the other location, but she assured me she would only accept one.  

I had to pay $80, plus a tip.  Due to my having to drop $80, my tip was only $15 because I didn't have $80, much less $95, to be spending on laser hair removal.  I know, it seems logical to not go, however I got all the gift certificates when I had a job and money and I didn't want to waste them.  Though, if I can't use more than one at a time in RR, then I'll just eat the money I originally spent, since it'd be cheaper to do that than to spend MORE money trying to get rid of them.

Ugh. 

The rest of the afternoon was spent playing with Eis and watching some of Justin Beiber's documentary movie from awhile back... it was on Netflix and I was bored.  Though, he is a talented young man.  It was strange to see how crazy all those girls go over him.  I can't imagine what that's like.  I don't think I'd ever want to know what that's like, since I think it'd be a bit scary.  He seems like a good kid and I hope he doesn't turn into a Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, or Christina Aguilera -- crazy, druggy, slutty, or just a horrible role-model.  I hope he can keep a good head on his shoulders and surround himself with the right kinds of people.  Selena Gomez is adorable, too, and I like them as a couple.  

We went to Berryhill for dinner for $2 tacos and it was yummy.  I fed Eis carrots (homemade) while we ate dinner and she made crazy faces, but she ate them all.  She's funny because she'll make faces like what she's eating is disgusting, but she keeps opening her mouth and wanting more, so I guess they're just faces and don't necessarily portray what she's thinking about the food.

The picture of the day was when she was in her jumperoo and her eye caught the frog bouncing around above her.  She stopped bouncing, leaned back, and stared at it for a minute or two.  It was cute.

Day 233: Crazy Dreams

My sleep shifts were shorter than last night -- go figure. However, I did have time for some incredibly strange dreams.  I don't remember all of all of them, but I have found I dream of certain locations (or variations of) often, like my high school, my grandmother's house, and a few other places.

I had one dream involving a variation of my grandmother's house and it involved long drives and prom dresses and being late for something, but I couldn't find something and two of my friends said there was one car left and they'd make it wait for me. However, when I came out, they were sitting on the wheel-wells and it was driving off, but going slow enough to where I was running after it to try to jump on, so I wouldn't get left behind.

Another one involved trying to do something on the computer and Tyler's brother, Brandon, being around and he needed the wireless, too, but you had to be within two feet of the hub to use it.  I was sitting on the floor next to the hub and he had to sit next to me and he was so upset by having to be within a couple feet of me that he started crying, then ran off.

The third one, I didn't remember until I was in the shower and noticed a small cut on the inside of my right hand on the meaty part of the palm by the thumb.  I only remembered a flash of the dream where I looked at my palm (that part where the cut is) and there was something black barely sticking out of the skin.  It was like a splinter, but it was the size of the clippy part of a mechanical pencil (see picture below)...

I used my left thumb and pushed on my skin on the far side of the "splinter" to try to push it out.  It slowly starting pushing out through my skin and when about a centimetre's worth was out, I was able to grab the exposed end with my fingers and pull it out.  However, I had only pulled out the plastic, there was still a rubber strip left in my hand.  I tried the same technique, but because it was rubber and not plastic, it wouldn't push out as easily.  I had to get tweezers and stick them inside the opening of the "cut" and pull the rubber out.  Needless to say, it was gross.

I don't know what any of it means, though I'm not sure I would want to know what removing plastic and rubber that was stuck in my hand means.

I slept fairly late this morning, since I had no reason to wake up.  My mom was kind enough to take care of Eis and make waffles, too.  I woke up at 1100 and had a waffle, then put Eis down for another nap, while I showered.  When I got out, I dried my hair and, by then, my mom was dressing Eis for our errands.  She went out to tell my dad where we were going and decided it was too warm for long sleeves, so I changed Eis into a little short-sleeved dress with some matching chonis underneath.  She was adorable, but I didn't get any pics on my phone.

We went to the library because I decided I should jump on the bandwagon and read The Hunger Games, but there were out and the waiting list was a mile long.  I don't want to buy it, since the last thing I need is more physical books.  Then we drove to Babies R Us, since I have $100 there, but they didn't have what I was looking for -- a silicone freezer tray for prepared baby food.  I was disappointed because I don't like shopping there, since the stuff is fairly expensive (the clothes are adorable), but they either don't have what I want or they do and it costs more and I have to pay for shipping cause I have to get it online.  I'd much rather have money to BabyEarth.

Then we went to HEB (they had a silicone tray, which we got) and I got ingredients for three meals I'll be cooking this week.  I'll let you know how they turn out and I'll try to remember to take pictures.  It'd be nice to have some more meals to add to my repertoire.

On a final note, my nicknames always seem to evolve into other nicknames.  Example: Puck > Puckle > Puggle > Duggle > Dougalus > Duggie > Dougs > Bubbs > Puckle Dougalus Aloisius Birkenstock Espinoza

Eisley > Eis > Eisenheimer
Eisley > Fuss Budget > Budget (pronounced: boo-zhay)
Eisley > RatFink > Finkalus > Finkalus Rigby > Zhay Finkalus Rigby

Day 232: How Many More?

Eisley slept SIX AND A HALF HOURS, then FOUR AND A HALF!  What?!!?! It was nuts. It was like I died and went to a mini-Heaven.  I was getting ready for Zumba and she kept sleeping, so I decided I'd leave a bottle for her when she woke, but she woke right before I was about to leave.  I nursed her for about five minutes, then left for Zumba.

I was a bit late, but still made it in time for the end of the warm-up routine.  There were a lot of people there for a Saturday class.  I wore my Zumba skirt that I bought in July, which is much roomier than it was when I first put it on in October, but I wore it to remind me I still am not done losing weight and have many more pounds to go.  It worked.  I didn't have cellulite flapping all about, but I was not what I wanted to see in the mirror.

After, I came home, showered, then nursed Eis while I watched a show.  After she finished eating, she was sitting in my lap and she passed out.  I decided not to move, since I figured it'd be 30 minutes til she woke up, anyway.  However, she slept on my for almost two hours.  At one point, she had her little arm on the arm of the chair:

When she woke up, I gave her to my mom to dress, while I got ready to go.  We left for Sam's, which was nice.  Mom bought me some nice hot cocoa, something special for Ty, and a bottle of Moscato -- of which I had half, tonight.

When we got to the car, I put Eis in the trunk to change her diaper and when I set her down, I noticed the front of her hip/waist was damp.  I smelled it, but couldn't smell anything and I thought, "Did she sweat through her clothes?"  Then I pulled down her pants and unsnapped her onesie and saw some poo residue on her belly above her diaper!  I lifted her legs, but it hadn't gone up her back, which was nice because otherwise it makes changing her more complicated.

It was a fairly messy poo, so I put her clothes in a grocery bag, then had to use three wipes to clean her up before I could put on another diaper.  As I had recently emptied out the diaper bag, I no longer had extra clothes in it, so I put her boots and jacket back on her and strapped her into the car seat.

We had to stop at HEB before we could go home, so mom carried Eis and held a blanket around her, so she wouldn't look as naked as she was.  It was pretty funny, though.  Dad laughed when we got home and showed him her new "outfit."

I nursed her and she napped again, then I gave her to my mom to hold while I ate my salad.  I had the most delicious salad with chicken, avocado, romaine lettuce, carrots, celery, dried cranberries, onion, and bell peppers, with ranch dressing.  My parents had Steve, Gayle, and John over because they were going to go to Gumbo's, so I was on my own for dinner.

After I ate, I gave Eis some steamed carrots I made when we got home from HEB and she seemed to like them alright.  She didn't love them, but she ate them alright.  She even ate in her high chair, since her BebePod was in the nursery and all the kitchen chairs were occupied, anyway.

After everyone left, we did some roll-over time, then took a bath and passed out pretty quick.  Here's to hoping she'll sleep decently, tonight!

Day 231: Relaxed

Good news is Eis did better last night.  She only woke up twice to eat and three times to change... not all separate.. I'd say four wake-ups overall.  Yes, that is still a lot, I know.

She woke up at 0645, which sucked, since I had to wake up 45 minutes later for Zumba.  However, I nursed her for 15 minutes, then she went back to sleep and I took a short nap.  I was hurting when I woke up.  I got ready to go, then forgot where I had put my purse and keys.  Eventually, I remembered they were in the bathroom and I was able to leave.

I forgot my ankle weights in the car and didn't realise it until I was in the middle of the first song and I didn't want to leave to go get them, so I did without.  However, I am not sure if I do better with them.  Maybe I'll just use them one specific day a week or something.  It's definitely harder to move with them and not only do I not have time to eat before, but I can't because I have just taken my pill and I can't eat until an hour after my pill.

After Zumba, I came home and Eis was up and chatting with my dad in the kitchen.  I showered, then searched all over for my clothes.  My room is all "clean and organised," which means I don't know where anything is.  I had to wear my pinkish Zumba pants, with a blue, Pony shirt, and my hot pink sneakers. It was a bit clashy, but I couldn't find anything else!  By the time I was ready to nurse Eis, she was already taking another nap.  I knew I couldn't wake her and I would be gone when she woke and she'd be starving, so I prepared a bottle for my dad to give her when she woke up.

I had a little time, so I called Chase, since they believed our homeowners insurance policy was expired, and they wouldn't talk to me cause my name wasn't on the stuff and they didn't have a POA.  So, instead of telling them our policy info on the phone, I had to do it online.  I'm learning how idiotic all the POA stuff is.  I can apparently do anything I want, provided I have Ty's info, online.  It seems like the system really only serves to complicate the matters of those who are trying to be honest.  If I wanted to screw someone over and I didn't have a POA, I'd just do it all online and not have to speak to anyone.  Not only would it be safer for me, as the criminal, but it would be quicker.

I left for rehab when I finished.  It was pretty good.  I am feeling a bit sore now, but I'm hoping that I'll feel better tomorrow. My mom said she bought me a massage, so I'm excited to use that sometime soon.  Ty said he wanted to get me a massage for Valentine's Day, but there's no point.  I'd rather him not spend his money on something my parents buy for me.  It's strange to think that our first Valentine's Day together will be as parents (and I mean, next year).

I got to catch up on a few shows and brush Puck today.  Plus, I was doing tummy time/rollover time with Eis and my dad came and took her.  He was still on the floor, holding her, and Puck came to play with me and Eisley was squealing and giggling every time Puck would run in or out of the room.  She thought it was the greatest thing.

At one point, I was in the nursery and my dad brought Eis in and sat her in the boppy to play.  He left and Puck jumped up and laid down next to her.  I watched her sucking on her rubadub, but on every part of him, but the pacifier.  Eventually, she got frustrated and started to cry and Puck jumped up and looked at her, then gave me this look like, "Don't touch her unless you're going to fix it!" Then, when I put the pacifier in her mouth, Puck decided it was ok and he laid back down.  He gets a bit more protective every day.  He also gets a little closer every day.  He let her pet him a few times recently, though when I'm sitting on the floor with her in my lap and I'm petting him, too.  I just have to watch and make sure she doesn't pull his ears or rip out his fur -- I keep trying to show her "gentle" and "nice" ways to pet Puck.

I had to use the flash to compensate for the extreme backlighting, but it kept giving an odd glare on the right side of the pic... oh well.

Tonight, we went to Rocco's for dinner.  I had a glass of La Crema Chardonnay and it was quite delicious.  It was a $10, but was supposed to be $8 for happy hour, however, the guy charged me for the Alamos Chardonnay which was $6, but $4 happy hour price!  Essentially, I got a $10 glass of wine for $4.  I also changed things up a bit and got the lobster ravioli (special), but gave some to my mom and she got the bella ravioli and gave me some.  The lobster ravioli was yummy, but not worth almost twice as much as the bella.  The bella is just as good, if not better, since the flavours are a bit more subtle.

It was a good dinner and Eis got to see ducks for the first time, though she didn't really care... I think she's still too young or they were too far -- I don't know. We came home and my folks went to see a movie.  I fed and bathed Eis, then put her down.  I will go to sleep while I can, since I have Zumba at 0800.

Day 230: Doctor

I not only canceled my trip to see Angela today, but I skipped Zumba so I could take Eis to the doctor.  She was so terribly fussy last night.  She went down at 1930, but screamed close to every hour until 2300.  She finally seemed asleep, so I went to bed, but she woke up an hour later.  I was tired of getting up so much, that I just brought her into my room.  I blocked off a third of my bed and laid her down and I scooted as far away as I could and went to sleep.

It worked fairly well, since I didn't have to get up except for the time when I dreamed that I checked her diaper and it was wet, but in reality I got up and took her to the changer table and took her diaper off before I realised that it was still dry.  That was irritating.  Stupid realistic dreams.

I woke up at 0900 and made a doctor appointment for 1015 and my dad changed her diaper and dressed her, while I got ready.  I fed her and then we left.  Of course, while we were there, she was totally fine and not sneezy or fussy or screaming and flailing like she had been.  Dr. E said it looked like allergies and that there's "nothing" to do about her not sleeping.  I am inclined to think she just doesn't know enough.  I miss my old S&W doctor, whose name I cannot remember for the life of me right now... oh! Dr. Hall!  He knew everything.

Anyway, as soon as we got home, she was screaming and fussy as all get out.  She did not want to be put down for any reason and was content to just sit in my lap while I sat.  So, I know she must not have felt good because she normally hates when I sit still.  She even took two naps in my arms, one of them being like this:

It was sweet.  Mildly uncomfortable, but sweet.  Luckily, I have rehab tomorrow, so I should hopefully get all straightened out. I feel very out-of-what and like everything needs to pop or something.  Hopefully Eis will sleep well enough to where I can make it to Zumba.

After the doctor, I went to CVS to pick up my thyroid Rx, which was good, since I only had one pill left.  I also grabbed some saline nose drops for Eisley.  Then we went to Great Harvest and I tried a slice of their garlic cheddar bread, which was phenom, and I got a smoothie, which was too sweet.  It is rough when I think something's too sweet cause that never happens.

The rest of the day was holding Eis and her napping.  I did brush Puck for a bit, outside, which he enjoyed, as it got up to 78º today.  I need to brush him more often, I don't think my parents ever do.

Eisley did do a bit of tummy time, thought it's quickly becoming "roll over time" because she won't stay on her tummy. She immediately rolls over.  I wonder how you get them to try to roll onto their tummies or what's next.  I don't see how she can learn to crawl if she won't stay on her tummy.  I suppose I have some reading to do to figure out the next steps.

Tonight, Eis did eat her cereal, which was good, but while she was in her BebePod, she kept lifting her arms up.  It was so strange and funny. I have pics on my good camera -- I'll have to upload them tomorrow. I guess she's recently learned she has arms that connect those hands to her body, which help her roll over.  She used to have just hands that floated conveniently close to her body, or occasionally attached to limp spaghetti noodles.  Thus, since finding her arms, she's been holding them straight out... often.  It's really funny.

I was looking at my flickr pics and I remembered that Bran took some, too.  However, I never got to see them, so I don't know what they look like or anything.  I would offer to let him upload to my flickr site, but I try not to post too many awful pics of me and it's quite possible I was making some grim faces!

I really want to buy the remote for my NEX 5 because I'd like to be in more pics with Eisley and it's too hard to have other people take pictures. I'll see if my mom will buy it for me.  She did eat my last piece of chocolate that I was saving...

[They brought me some chocolate when they came back from Italy and Switzerland this summer.  I ate four of the pieces, but was saving my last one.  I put it in a container in my closet so I wouldn't be tempted and so my mom wouldn't find it.  However, when she cleaned and organised my room while I was in DC, she found it and ate it.  I was sitting here this evening and thought about it and went to go check to see if it was still there.  I checked both containers and went to ask her.  She tried to lie, but I could see straight through her.  She said it wasn't even that good, but I loved it, which is why I was saving it.  I was so mad.  She's all fat and full of glutton and has zero self-control, then stumbles upon my only piece of chocolate and eats it without even thinking twice.  I don't know if she thought I didn't know it was there or if she thought she could get away with it, but I'm mad.  That was rude and selfish and now I don't have my chocolate.  She said she'd make it up to me, but she can't buy another piece of chocolate directly from the Swiss chocolate factory! All she can do is buy some other crap and think it's ok that she pigged out on my savings.]

Day 229: No Sleep Til Brooklyn

... or ever, apparently.

I may have to cave and go to the doctor on Friday if this keeps up.  I don't know if I can wait til February.

It seemed like she was up even more frequently last night and, especially, this morning.  I don't know if she doesn't feel well or what.  Today, she would cry unless someone was holding her.  She didn't want to use her jumparoo, kickin' coaster, or just lay or sit, unless it was in someone's arms.  I'm hoping she wasn't feeling well and didn't get spoiled in DC.

I don't want a baby who only wants to be held -- geesh!

I submitted the POA (yesterday) Ty completed for USAA and they wrote back today and said he didn't sign it.  Um, hello, there was no place for his signature!  My dad called and tried to ask about it, but they wouldn't talk to him unless they had a power of attorney or written/verbal consent from Tyler.  Luckily, I can sign on to his USAA and do that.  It's really a stupid system.

Today, I went and got my hair trimmed.  My girl, Amy, said my bald spots were starting to fill in a bit, which has happened only over the past two weeks.  Don't get me wrong, there's not "hair" there, as much as there's a darkening from the few baby hairs that are staring to grow.  She did give me a few long bangs to try to help the situation.  It's a shame I was unable to get my hair done before going to DC.

However, I think it would have looked terrible, regardless.  Michelle doesn't keep hair dryers in the other bathroom for guests.  She has hers and I didn't want to ask for it everyday, so I let my hair air dry, which means it looked even worse than normal.  Luckily, Bran didn't want to be around me much, so I didn't have to worry about my picture getting taken and looking stupid.

Well, I've been looking forward to meeting up with Angela, one of Ty's cousins, for a few weeks.  We were going to meet tomorrow for lunch.  However, Eisley's screaming and general irritability and sleeplessness has forced me to cancel -- last minute, at that -- and make plans to go to the doctor, instead. I apologised and let her know that I'm not a flake -- I can't stand flakey people -- and that it was out of my hands.  I just hate the idea of backing out last minute because I know I hate it when people do it to me.  I suppose I did let her know now and not tomorrow morning or when she was on the way there, but still... it sucks.

I feel like I get so mad all the time now.  I keep a lid on it, so it's not openly known, but I am at my boiling point, internally.  I like that I can talk frankly to my parents; it's a relationship that I cherish.  It's hard to get to a point with someone that you can do that with and not worry about it.  It would be nice to be there with Tyler's parents.

In my conversation with Michelle, on the way to the airport, she said that Tim listens to Tyler and her and no one else.  I am already worrying about moving out there because I know I'll have to have a talk with Tim about Eisley.  I hate confrontation (with anyone other than my parents). Hate it hate it hate it.  Confrontation, as far as I'm concerned, is having to speak to someone about anything even potentially uncomfortable for either party.  The uncomfortable party is me  99.9% of the time. Blech... I need to stop worrying and wait until that moment comes and deal with it then.

Unless, worrying makes me skinnier, then bring it on.

On another note, my car was dead today.  Apparently, my dad left on the lights from when he picked me up at the airport, yesterday.  I don't know how no one saw the lights when they came home from work (mom) or shut the garage door at night (dad).  I gave him my keys and took the little Lexus to get my hair done.  It's a good thing I didn't try to go to Zumba this morning.  That would have been an unpleasant surprise.  I would have taken the Lexus then, too, but it wouldn't have helped out my sleepy morning.

Tonight will determine whether or no I go to Zumba tomorrow.  If I don't get any sleep, then I'll have to pass. I didn't take any pics today because I was a bit preoccupied being stressed.  However, I did upload a bunch to Flickr.

Day 228: Home Again, Home Again

This will be short and sweet because I am totally exhausted.  I got about four hours of sleep last night, if even. Eis slept terrible! She woke up as I was about to go to bed, so I nursed her and put her back down, after trying to burp her.  She was too tired, so I put her in her bed. She cried out every 12 to 23 minutes for the next TWO HOURS.  Finally, she tooted a big toot and passed out, which gave me three hours to sleep.

She woke me up 30 minutes before my alarm, so I fed her, put her down, then finished my last bit of packing. I finished at 0645, which was the time we were supposed to be leaving.  Michelle came and I had her change and dress Eis, while I stuffed everything in my bags.  We went downstairs and said bye to everyone and Tim went outside with Michelle and I.  I put Eis in the carseat and Tim said bye to her about ten times, then went to his car -- never telling me goodbye.  Then he backed out and jumped out of the car and said, "I need one more goodbye," and I turned around and he said, "Not from you, from Eis," and I said, "You didn't say 'bye' to me!" So he gave me a long hug after he kissed Eis again.

Michelle and I chatted all the way to Baltimore, while Eis finished sleeping.  We got Chik-fil-A for breakfast and got to the airport with good time.  I went through security and then found a family bathroom in which to change Eisley's diaper.  I gave her a small bottle after, once I got to the gate.  She was screaming a lot, so I was glad there weren't many people there.  I thought that maybe I'd get a whole row to myself.

As I sat there, a couple got up and left because their gate had changed.  I asked if they were going to Austin and they said they were not.  I kept trying to keep Eis calm and I heard an announcement about the flight to Austin boarding or getting ready to board.  Luckily, it was coming from across the "hall," so I  jumped up, grabbed all our stuff, then walked over to the other gates.  There was a sign for "Harlingen" under B8 and "Austin" under B6.  I went and sat over in the B6 area.  I didn't know what time it was, but I figured we would start boarding soon.  As I watched the seating monitors, they flickered on and listed a flight to New Orleans.  At that moment, I heard another message about group B boarding the flight to Austin.

I grabbed all our crap and Eis and I walked over toward the desk, but the man in front of me asked if B8 was the flight to Austin, which it was.  I walked over and fished around for my boarding pass, when a nice woman informed me that I am allowed to board any time after group A, and said I could go in front of her.  We chatted a bit as we boarded the plane.

I sat in row 16 in the aisle.  Soon, a man came and sad in the window seat and kept talking to Eisley.  People kept getting on, but no one wanted to sit next to me and Eis.  It was the second to last woman on the plane who sat next to us!  She was nice and let me use her tray table for my drink, since mine wouldn't come down while Eis was napping.

Eis drank milk during take-off, then fell asleep.  She was up and played for a while, then I changed her and went to the bathroom.  Then she ate and eventually napped again.  The end of the flight, she was up and drinking milk/sucking Bebo on decent.  We got our stuff and waited for the Colonel at baggage claim, since we had a checked bag.

Eis had red cheeks today. We were concerned she may be getting sick... either from the bowling alley where she was just around a lot of people, or from the National Cathedral from being around people/it being freezing cold and super windy.  She didn't seem like she was up to par, but hopefully it doesn't get worse.

I showed Dad the pics I took while in DC and we uploaded the specific POA to USAA...  Eis took a few short naps... we ate dinner... mom and dad fed Eis her cereal... and I explained we would be starting some sign language with Eis.

I showed them:
mama
daddy
grandmother
grandfather
dog
more
all done
music
full
cereal
diaper

Here's my favourite picture from my camera of me and Eis from the Natl' Cathedral:

Day 227: National Cathedral

Ive not done much of any sightseeing while here because I am waiting til Ty is here. However, I did go to the national cathedral, today. I'll admit, I was disappointed.

It was so painfully cold on the way in, then when we got in, we realised there was a special service going on because it was MLK Day. I was more than happy to not go in, especially because the told me not to take a pic of the arches in the doorway, despite the fact that everyone else was taking pics.

They sat us down and we got to watch this terrible gospel-esque choir sing burning songs to poor quality background music of electric guitars. It was very much not my style. I was bored quickly and didn't want to sit through an MLK/church service. Luckily, Michelle suggested she and I go look at stuff, since we didn't know how long eis would nap. I did know she would be pretty hungry soon after waking and I didn't want her screaming in the church.

We went to the top floor and looked around and bran and east met us up there, then we went down to the crypt, though everything was closed for the MLK thing going on, which sucked cause I wanted to see the crypt. We took some pics of eis and I nursed her, though it didn't go well cause stupidly had some peanut butter at 0900 when I ate breakfast. Note to self: eis still hates when you eat peanut butter -- stop forgetting!

We took some pics outside, then left for some other place near water with lots of restaurants. It was about three miles past the house, which was nice because it took forever to get through downtown after leaving the cathedral. The boys went home because they were in brans car because we dont fit in the truck with the carseat. Michelle, Tim, and I went to dinner and some American grill. It was like $14 for a burger! It was nuts. The area was pretty and I would have liked to walk around if it werent freezing.

We headed home and eis got terrible gas cramps as soon as we started driving, plus she was sleepy and hungry. Michelle burped her when we got home, then I nursed her and gave her to Michelle for tummy time.

Eis rolled over all by herself four times tonight! So today is the official date for rolling over. Then she fed her cereal and kept her up for about an hour longer than necessary, then gave her a bath. Then she gave her to Tim for him to read a story. He took her into their room and shut the door, which I don't like, but I let it go because it's the last night. I had Michelle tell him to keep reading til I got out of the shower and not do anything else. He said ok.

I showered and when I get out, I hear her shrieking from downstairs. I threw on my clothes and went to see what was going on because she is on a schedule for a reason. Bath signals the end of the day and that it's time to wind down. We then read a story with someone, then we read a story while eis is in the crib and she goes to sleep. Changes to that routine effect how she goes to sleep and how she sleeps. There's a difference to nap sleep and sleep sleep. If I have to have someone hold her so I can do something at night, they have to come to the nursery and keep the lights low and use quiet voices and can only read or sing. They cant talk to her or play with her because she thrives on consistency, as do all babies. P,us, it jacks up my night and then I become a real bitch cause I'm even more tired.

Anyway, I came downstairs and she was being passed around with full voices and bright lights and taking pics with everyone. I said to Tim, "I asked you to read til I got out of the shower." he said, "I read, then I finished the book, so I brought her down here." it was at that moment when the knot in my back seized up and I took her to bed.

I realise they were taking pics of eis with the boys, but as far as I am concerned, my wishes were ignored and I was not asked. I could have agreed, with stipulations, if asked. I have been here all week and the boys made an effort to be around as little as possible. Pictures could and should have been taken at any other time. However, I come off as looking like the bad guy because I don't want eisley all messed up and sleeping crap.

I know I am going to have to lay down the law with tim, which is hard because I don't know if he genuinely believes the things he says or if he's trying to be funny. I don't find them funny because they're usually insults, demeaning, or conceited and those are tough concepts with which to joke. I know sarcasm and they don't have the intonation or undertone of sarcasm. Writing this, I think I see why we would butt heads if I opened my mouth; I find him fairly offensive. I am offended when he doesn't think of others as he thinks of himself. And I don't know if she means to, but Michelle speaks primarily of tims flaws and negligences and it doesn't endear me to him.

I do know that, in his own way, he cares. But it doesn't show in many of his words, attitudes, or actions. However, it is because of this that I know I will have to let him know that he can be in charge, without question, with Michelle and east, but I am in charge when it comes to eisley and I am not to be challenged. I am polite, which is not to be mistaken for apathy, stupidity, or weakness, but I will do what I believe is right for my baby and require the same from those who love her. I don't know if anyone ever really "stands up" to Tim, but I plan on talking to him exactly howi would talk to my parents and letting him know that. I am not sure whether he will say he will do what he wants, which he has when I have been polite and less direct, or if he will see that I am dead serious and acquiesce.

I will let you know how it goes, my sweet Russian (German, Ukrainian, Latvian, and American) readers,

P.S. I have stereotyped that Russians are good at chess, hockey/skating, and ballet. What else am I missing? What about my other readers, for what are your countries known??

Day 226: Around Town

I missed the text this morning that said we were going to church. However, I did wake an hour before we left, so I was able to get ready. Tim took eis while I got ready, then I took her when I heard her fussing. He always wants me to leave her with him, but he refuses (literally) to check to see if she has a wet diaper or to change her diaper if it needs changing. I don't think he realises she can't be left with just him until those two things happen. She doesn't need to or enjoy being in a dirty diaper and she gets diaper rash way too easily, plus she pees rather frequently. I don't know why he won't change her diaper, especially a pee diaper, because true love knows no bounds.

He has in his mind that he will just take her out and do fun stuff and whatever he wants to do, but doesn't yet realise that I am the supreme ruler of all things Eisley. I've not said anything yet because I know at this stage, it doesn't matter, but come this summer when she understands better, I may tell him not to say certain things to and around her. She won't understand if he's joking or not when he says he and she are "better than" everyone else and when he insults Michelle. Both sets of grandparents will have rules and both will follow them.

My parents know that eisley will not be exposed to my dad's temper, regardless of the fact that it would never be directed at eis. They also know that if what I say is not followed, that I will not let them see her. I determine what is ok and what is not. There are not second chances. You break a rule, you suffer the consequences because I don't have the time or patience for carelessness and if you can't control yourself in eisley's best interests, then how can I trust you to make the right decision in new/other situations.

Anyway, we went to church and it was in an old, remodels theatre downtown. They were still playing music when we got there, so I had to cover eisley's ears, since it was way too loud for her. I kept her in the cars eat and had that on my lap and rocked her til she fell asleep. When she woke up, I took her to the nursery area (luckily there were no kids there) and I changed her, then nursed her. We were in there til the end of the service.

Afterward, we went to Wegmans for lunch, which was yummy. Then we went to Carters and Michelle bought eis three summer outfits which are so adorable! When we finished there, we got gas and headed home. Eis fell asleep in the car and napped for a fe wminutes once we got home. I nursed her and then we left straightaway to go bowling. Eis watched us bowl, the decided she didn't like being in the stroller, so she got passed around between those who weren't bowling at the moment.

Due to my brokenness, I was terrible, so I decided to see how slow I could make the ball go. My lowest was like 1.59mph, but I stayed fairly consistent around 3ish mph. I think there was a "hill" of sorts on the lane because my ball would veer every time it hit the same spot in the lane and it had been going dead straight til then.

Eis napped when we got home and we ate dinner. Then I nursed her and Michelle fed her her cereal and bathed her, then read her a story before I put her down.

Who knows what tomorrow will hold.

Day 225: around

I have got to break eis of this up every four-ish hours business. It's possible she was up a lot because she was freezing. I put her in the jammies Tim bought her, so he could see her in them, however it's below freezing outside and thus fairly chilly inside and those jammies were a thin cotton-esque material. When I'd change her diapers in the night, her legs and hands would be ice cold. She kept kicking off the covers cause she moves so much, so finally I wrapped one around her and laid the other on top, and put her hat and mittens on her, so she was pretty bundled the rest of the night. Tonight, she has on her reindeer suit, so she'll be toasty, even if she kicks off the covers off. It's nice to have jammies with a hood cause it really helps keep her head warm.

She woke up at 0800 and I fed her, changed her, got het dressed, played with her, then got ready, but everyone else was still sleeping, so she went down for another nap and I went downstairs to eat some breakfast. She slept about 40 min, then I brought her down and she played with Tim and Michelle for a bit. Eventually, I took her up to eat, then put her down for another nap. However, just a few minutes in, Tim started vacuuming and yelled at east for leaving a shoe out after he vacuumed up the laces. At that point, eis woke up.

Michelle and I were planning dinner and all the stuff we would need, then decided to go to the commissary. Tim wanted me to leave eis, but he refuses to change her diapers and she fusses as soon as she's dirty, so I knew that wouldn't work well, plus she really needed a nap. I changed her and loaded her into the truck. When we got to the commissary, I put the whole carseat thing into the stroller in the hopes that she'd fall asleep. Luckily, a minute into our trip around the store, she was passed out. Her little hat was over her eyes and she was toasty warm and comfy. Se slept the ride home, so we unloaded the groceries and I got the diaper bag and we went to Home Goods. She slept the whole ride and most of the time in the store! I think she got around an hour and a half long nap -- thank goodness.

I gave her a small bottle when she woke up and I changed her, then we stopped in Home Depot so Michelle could pick up some glue. She held eis, since eis was tired of the seat and wanted to stretch her leggies. She was unhappy when we got back in the car :( and cried because she had gas and was hungry because she'd only had 2.5oz and she drinks around 6-7 in a feeding. I thought we would be home sooner than we were, so I could nurse. We headed home and when we arrived I made some BBQ sauce real quick, then took up for some lunch. She played with Tim for a while, then I put her down of another nap.

We had BBQ sandwiches for dinner with beans and sweet potatoes. It was yummy. I ran a bath for eis and let Michelle bathe her after she fed her some cereal. After that I put her down and read her a story, then she fell asleep.

I am going to try to do her bath at 1900 when I get home, which means she'll be in bed by 1930. Hopefully, that will help her start sleeping better and will ease our crazy napping situation. I'll have to ask Dr.E, at the six month appointment, about what to do in the middle of the night when eis is convinced she is going to die because she feels so starving. I read to offer water because they generally don't want that, but I know I can't offer water until she's six months old, so I still have a few weeks.

My back was spamming like mad today. I don't know what I did or if I slept wrong, but damn! I gave been trying to stretch, but I just can't get it. It almost makes me nauseous because it's so intense. I need to see Kim and get realigned because I can just tell my bones are all out-of-whack and I can't figure out how to fix it :(

Day 224: Quantico

I woke up early this morning, since we were trying to leave by 939. However, we weren't ready til 0915, then I reminded Michelle to put the roast in the crockpot. We left at around 0950. We drove to Subway and got some breakfast flatbread samnites, then went over to BuyBuyBaby. Luckily, on our way in, I found a valid 20%off coupon. We decided on the door jumper and I nursed Eis while Michelle paid.

We then got in the car and headed to the Quantico marine base. We drove to the housing office and asked if we could see something like what Ty would get when we come in July. While they looked around for keys and got our info, about four ladies fawned over Eis. They just all thought she was the cutes thing ever with the most gorgeous blue eyes. I left my ID and we wound our way over to the house.

It was in a really nice area and the architecture was a simple colonial-style. We went around to the garage in the back and left eis in the car, since it was A perfect temp and she was napping. The house had four bedrooms, tons of kitchen storage and a giant utility room. There was a little fenced-in backyard and a spacious garage.

We stopped by the MCEWS school and saw a bald eagle by the lake. While driving around I realised that ty's willpower will be tested daily out there. He'll be driving by creeks, lakes, golf courses,and rolling hills with and without trails. He will have to decide, daily, whether to go play or spend time with me and eisley!

We also looked at some apartments right off base, but I'm thinking I'd rather give up that $900 extra than stay there...

I must go to bed now cause I have some awesome heartburn and somehow my iPad "keyboard," on the screen,split in two and it has beenxtremely hard to type :(

Day 223: DC

Eis was up every three to four hours last night, like usual. However, I was having trouble because whenid get up to go to the bathroom, the door would creak loudly and the bed frame would groan horribly when I'd get in or out of bed! Yikes! I dreaded having to move in the night for fear of waking eisley.

Eis woke at 1000? I nursed her, changed her, then got her dressed and by the time I got dressed and took us downstairs, she'd already been up 35 minutes, which meant she wouldn't last long til it was nap time again.

I ate an English muffin and sat with Michelle and eis for a while, then put her down for her nap. As soon as I came out, Michelle took me across the street to the community centre where I could work out. I stayed an hour and walked back home. When I got there, eis was awake, as I expected, but she looked exhausted. After a few minutes, I asked what time she woke up and Michelle said, "Ten minutes after I got home," which means she had a 12-15 minute nap!

I fed her again, then put her down for another nap when I saw she just couldn't take any more. While she napped, I called USAA and my dad about loan stuff. Though I had an extension, there was no place in the menu to enter it. I had to wait every time and then ask to be connected to VA loans. The last time, I was on the phone for 30 minutes -- it was agony. They were seriously trying my patience and it didn't help that one time my phone cut out while I was on hold.

At one point I had to go into the room, lay down and cry. Though I had to lay on the floor cause the bed creaking would have awoken eisley. Eventually, she got up and played while I finished my loan calls to USAA. I didn't even ask them about the truck title because I was too angry to do so.

After her next nap, we ate dinner, then bran, Michelle, and I got in the car with eisley and went to the BX to see if they had a jumperoo, which they did not (that was worth buying). Then we drove downtown and walked up to the Capitol and drove around the "mall." I made a joke about asking where the "Jeffersonian" was, but realised they wouldn't get it only after I opened my mouth. Needless to say, I think they think either there's a building called the Jeffersonian or I'm an idiot. Either way, I didn't want to explain about the show *Bones* and my lame joke.

When we got home I nursed eis, then Michelle gave her her cereal and bath, then Tim read her a story and I put her down. It wasn't until she was already asleep that's remembered to ask Michelle to oil the door hinges. They are all oiled up, but I have an intense headache from the fumes. I imagine eis is getting high off of them, too. It's pretty bad, but I am afraid to get off the bed to turn on the fan to try to dissipate them because she almost woke up when I got into bed. Not to mention the fan is a bit big for a room this size ANSI don't want eis or me getting sick from having the fan on too long.

What to do, what to do? Unfortunately, I can't leave the door open because the boys are awake and will be noisy-ish when they do go to bed.

Day 222: travel

Again, I will not be using much grammar, simply because it's too much trouble when on the iPad. I am currently in DC visiting my out-laws for the week.

It's been quite stressful. It's no wonder my anxiety was kicking in so much!

I woke at 0800 and showered, since it's been two days since I had previously. I had originally planned on showering last night, but I wanted fresh hair, since I know my hair flattens and looks awful when traveling. However, because I had not washed my hair in two days, it took so much longer because I had two extra days of hair falling out I one go. It was terrible. It took 20 min to shower and get untangled from all that loose hair. Yech!

I got dressed, then nursed eisley, before giving her to my dad to burp while I finished getting everything together. I put on makeup,brushed my teeth, and got all the stuff I'd been using and put it in the suitcase.

My eyes are rolling in my skull, I am so tired. I gotta make this a much more brief recap.

Packed.
Ate oatmeal.
Dad drove us to airport.
Went thought security.
Waitil til my # was called (no prepared for families w/kids anymore)
Sat next to two ladies who helped the whole flight.
Met bran and Michelle and got my bags.
Came to house.
Changed and nursed eis.
Went to grocery store.
Changed eis and she took a nap.
Nursed, then fed eis.
Gave eis her bath, but instead of going to bed, Michelle did tummy time, then Ty wanted to see eis and talk to everyone.
Put eis down two hours after her scheduled bedtime.
Had to nurse her and change her so she. Old sleep.
Bran and east start playing music and I have to ask them to stop bc eis is e longest sleeper ever.
I got ready for bed.
Typing.
Exhausted.

Night.


Sorry bout the grammar and mistakes :(

Day 221: Packing

I woke up and was changing one of the stinkiest and messiest (though contained) diapers of Eisley's, this morning at about 0846 and I was on the phone to my doctor's office.  They told me she was out of the office today, so I asked to see Dr. C, but he didn't have anything until 1500.  There was only one appointment available this morning, with Dr. A, and it was at 0915.  I agreed and hung up the phone.  It was now 0849.

I finished the FIVE-wipe clean-up of Eis, then put her in her crib and turned on the mobile, as I knew she wouldn't be going back to sleep.  I ran into my room, threw on my yoga pants, put on a jacket and a hat, grabbed my purse, took my thyroid pill, and took the video monitor to Dad.  I told him I had to go to the doctor and I'd explain later, but there were two bottles out on the table and to give them to Eis because I didn't have time to feed her.

I was in the car by 0855 and luckily there was no traffic, so I got to the office by 0910.  They called me back and I told Dr. A, whom I'd never met, about my anxiety, irritability, and general moodiness and fatigue.  I also told him about the hair loss, to which he said he didn't think a dermatologist would do anything, but gave me a referral anyway.  Then he said they'd take my blood to see if my levels are heading in the right direction and left.  I had my blood taken, from my hand, and left.

I went to CVS to pick up my allergy meds, then I went to the post office and mailed a box to Tyler.  It took 35 minutes waiting at the post office. It was ridiculous! There was one guy working and he was taking his sweet time and every customer in front of me was an idiot and didn't know how to do things... like use the automated machine.

When I got home, I had to start packing for the trip to DC tomorrow.  I had to pick out Eisley's outfits, plus mine, which was hard because most of my clothes still don't fit (at least not in a flattering way).  Then I tried to gather all the odds and ends she would need to keep warm if we went anywhere and meds and toys and other things. I found myself wandering around and around looking at stuff, but not knowing what to do or pack.

Many things I was stuck on because I can't pack them until the morning. It also didn't help that Eis was exceptionally whiny all day, which made it difficult to get any momentum going with the packing.  I was constantly having to feed her or change her or burp her or just hold her because she wouldn't stop complaining.  I can only hope I don't forget anything major.

I did record this video of Eis in her jumperoo.  Her little legs go crazy!

The other day, I was sending pics to Michelle of things that Eis or I needed.  Puck really wanted to be in them both...

I'm a bit stressy about tomorrow.  The idea of a fussy baby (which is Eis) on a flight an in the airport and having to nap in my arms... geesh :/

Day 220: Anxiety

I went to Zumba this morning, even though Eis was up every 3-4 hours last night.  It wasn't until I was halfway through the warm-up that I realised I forgot my ankle weights in the car.  I ran out during the second song to get them because I feel like it makes a difference.

I don't know if it's where Tyler is, what he's doing, or it's thyroid related (or all of the above), but I have been experiencing some anxiety over the past couple days.  I really noticed it yesterday and today as being more pronounced.  I could feel my heart racing and the effort it took to breathe and just an almost-overwhelming feeling of panic.  I am pretty good at recognising it, since I had the anxiety disorder in college, so I have been trying to just breathe slowly and force myself to relax, but it's been difficult.

It's hard not knowing what the source of the problem is or if it's just "everything."  I need to go to the doctor to talk to her, but I am out of time until I get back from DC.  Unfortunately, that thought makes me anxious and stressy. I don't sleep well and my hair will not stop falling out, which is distressing.  What irritates me is that my dad keeps trying to say that it's "not noticeable," which I don't know if he genuinely believes that or he's just trying to be nice, but either way, I just look at him and bite my tongue.

It's not noticeable that I look mildly creepy and my hair ALWAYS looks bad because I can't do anything with it anymore?  It's not noticeable that my entire hairline is now receding and my scalp can be seen? I get so mad when I'm told that it's not noticeable and not to worry.

Today my mom sent me something that said that hair loss can be a side effect of the thyroid MEDS.  Then when she talked to me about it later, she didn't realise that it could be a side effect of all the meds, not just levothyroxine and she tried to say that eating more fruits and veggies would help and that a wig wasn't going to solve the problem.

I'm just supposed to embrace thinning hair and a receding hairline because I get side effects from medicines that most people don't usually get? No, not only do I refuse, but I resent being told stupid things.

I went to see Dr. P today and he gave me a cortisone injection in my left SI, then gave me lidocaine in my traps and the muscle in my mid-back that keeps spasming.  It was nice to get that taken care of... I hope it lasts.

Day 219: Errands

Ugh!  There's a bluefly promo code that takes that jacket down to $77!  TAKE25  and it takes $25 off a purchase of $75 or more!  Agony...

I did yesterday's post before I went to the Dynamite Boy and Cruiserweight show.  I bought a ticket for myself back in October or something when I first heard about it.  DB and CW8 are bands I listened to and hung out with at the end of high school and in college.  I actually met my best friends of college while at a DB and CW8 show with my friend, Andrew, while in high school.

I had four friends my senior year and one was this guy, Andrew.  He had blue hair, but was kind enough to take pity on a loser like myself.  We never dated, but just had a mutual affinity for live music and he introduced me to the Austin punk scene.  I'll never forget, we were going to the Backroom to see DB and CW8, but we missed the exit off 35 and ended up in BUDA before we realised we'd gone too far!  It was hysterical at the time, but we made it to the show in time to catch the band that went on before CW8 and DB, which was called That-A-Boy.  I chatted with them after the show, which is how I became friends with Adam, James, Jess, Austin, Daniel, and Chris.  

It was at that show that I really got into CW8 and DB and I responded to some email from Amy, Sean (the lead singer of DB)'s wife, to help make flyers for an upcoming show.  Not only did I get to help make flyers, but I got to know Amy and the rest of the band, and thus CW8 (because they were all friends).  They would pay for me to go to shows and hand out flyers for their show, which was a great deal for me, since I'm so cheap!  I remember I saw Dashboard Confessional when he was still a dude on a stool.  I didn't know who he was, but I was there handing out my flyers and having a ball.  I *was* the street team for DB.

Eventually, my back started making it hard for me to go to shows and stand and I got into Johnny Lang, Brandi Carlile, and Reeve Carney, which all allowed me to sit, which was nice.  Plus, I was working every Friday and Saturday night, so I was missing more and more shows, thus I gradually parted ways with DB and CW8.  

This show was like a ten year reunion because it'd been about that long since they'd all played together.  It was Failsafe, Riddlin Kids, Cruiserweight, Dynamite Boy, plus Firekills, and Shaft.  Failsafe came on first and it was AWESOME!  I sung along and was in flashback-heaven.  I texted Adam and bragged that I was at such a fabulous show and he texted Chris who texted me and told me he was going to be there, too!  I knew my folks would be pleased because they didn't like me being there alone, though I was certain I would be fine.  Though I guess it turned out beneficial that Chris was there because he made some creeper leave me alone!

He was also able to take a pic of CW8 and DB over the crowd for me:

I still wish Ty could meet Chris and Adam.  They were at both my high school and college graduations -- great friends.  Chris walked me to Dad's car last night, in case creeper was around, and talked to my dad for a bit.  They hadn't seen each other since 2005, I think, but Chris was telling Dad about his fiancé, Maggie.  He said he's so glad he has her, though he never thought he'd get married!  I was surprised to hear that.  I am glad he has Maggie though -- she is so gorgeous!  She's a musician and quite talented.  Here's her version of "Then He Kissed Me."  It is beautiful.  I told Chris he has to invite me and Ty to their wedding when they set a date :)

Anyway, I got home at 0130 and fell asleep by 0200 and Eis woke up at 0300!  Ouch!  After nursing and a diaper change, she slept until 0730.  Then she woke at 0800 and 0900 and 0930.  My mom came and got her at 0930 and told me to keep sleeping and shut my door.  Unfortunately, I couldn't fall back to sleep, so I got up and showered.  

After I fed Eis and put her back down for a nap, she slept for a bit over an hour!  We then went to Target to return some sheets my mom had bought and then we perused around a bit.  My mom ended up buying a few things for Eisley: socks, pants, skirts, sweater, and jacket for next year.  

Then we went to the mall and mom got some calendars and bough Eis this little monkey toy that giggled and vibrated because it made Eisley laugh.  We went to Sephora so I could trade out my new perfume because the rollerball wasn't working.  We also bought some teriyaki chicken for me from the food court for dinner, since my parents were going out with friends tonight.

Tomorrow, I have Zumba and then I get my SI injection and hopefully some lidocaine in my traps.  

I've been checking the clock and my phone constantly all day long hoping to hear from Tyler.  I know he's on some crazy mission tonight and I'm trying to to stress or worry, but I know I'll definitely breathe easier when I hear from him.  He didn't message me until 2330 last night, so I know it could be late by the time I hear from him... :(

Day 217 and 218: Two Days and One Post!

I am writing yesterday's post today because I was too exhausted last night to do it.

Night before last Eis slept pretty good.  Almost seven hours, then three and a half, at which point I had to wake her so I could nurse her before I left for Zumba.

After Zumba, I showered, nursed Eis, then went to rehab.  Kim was awesome.  I did some back strengthening and she straightened me all out -- literally.  My hips were not aligned, so she fixed that, then she mashed out the spots in my neck and thoracic spine.  I left feeling wonderful.

When I got home, I grabbed Mom and Eis and we went to C Kirk Root to have my rings cleaned and to talk to Dan.  Then we went to Francesca's to look around and mom bought me a scarf, which was a nice surprise, and we stopped in Janie and Jack, where I got a beautiful top for Eisley (for next year) for $8!

When we got home, Eis napped, then we packed up and went to Mimi's for dinner.  Eis sat in her BebePod in the booth and was great.  She and I came home after eating, while Mom and Dad went to a movie.

While we were home, yesterday, FedEx stopped by two separate times.  First, they brought by the bank papers, however, they left them between our mailbox things at the street, just lying on the street!  My mom found them when she went to pick up the mail.  Next, they left the highchair on our front porch, however they didn't ring the doorbell and I know why.  The package was totally destroyed!  I bet they knew we wouldn't accept it if we saw it.  Not only was the box damaged, but the high chair was destroyed, which we didn't even have to open it to see that.

My dad called FedEx last night and complained.  All they did was apologise, but not even very well.  BuyBuyBaby, on the other hand, was shocked and appalled by it.  We took it in today and they offered to ship us a new one or we could wait for them to get in a shipment or they could sell us the floor model for a discount.  I checked out the floor model and it was in great shape, so I got it for 20% off of the price I paid (which was already 20% off!)  So, I paid $83 for a high chair that was $130.  Nice!!

Today, after BBB, I went to CVS to get more allergy pills and get a refill of my thyroid meds.  However, Tricare won't pay for a refill until the 11th, which is when I go out of town.  Luckily, I have just enough pills to get me through the trip, plus a day or two, so no worries.  Good news is that CVS was able to pull over my allergy Rx and said they could fill it Monday.

I also bought some stuff for Ty, but the post office only had big boxes and I didn't want to spend $10.95 to ship a box that wasn't full, so I will ship it Monday.  I haven't sent my sweet husband anything in a while and I want him to know he's special.  Though, while I was at CVS, I saw this box of chocolates and wanted it sooo bad!

I am trying to be good and not eat sweets until he comes home (so I can have the best chance of losing these last seven pounds), so I didn't buy them.  I also didn't buy them because it's lame to buy yourself a box of chocolates!

Also, yesterday, I was perusing Bluefly because I like to do that on occasion, and I came across the most gorgeous jacket! It's a Marc New York quilted asymmetrical down jacket.  The crimson is my favourite, of course, but it's sold out.  I love the white, too, but they don't have a medium, just the large.  They do have one left in brown, but I like the other two colours better.  Though, as much as I am in love with this jacket, I think everyone would think me nuts if I bought it.  I don't have a rainproof warm jacket like this, nor do I have a jacket like it.  I thought about clicking the "notify me when it's back in stock" link, but I would break down and buy it and I need to not spend monies. Sadface.  I will just have to dream about it.

See how pretty?  I would look so good in that.  Shoot, I'd look good in the white, too -- I look great in my white Oakley lightweight sweatshirty/jacket thing.  Maybe I'll just photoshop my head on it and pretend! Like this... though I think my head may be smaller in real life...

Anyway... tonight I have a Dynamite Boy/Cruiserweight concert to go to -- Yay!!  It's a one-time reunion thing, so I couldn't pass it up.  Mom and Dad will watch Eis and Mom will drop me off and pick me up, since it's on Riverside and I don't want to drive and park there.

So, there you have it.  Yesterday and today all wrapped up in one neat little post and full of pictures!