Day 26: Errands Part II

I woke up and took Puck out at 0700 this morning, then gave him part of his breakfast.  Luckily, he didn’t want to be out long and got back in bed when he finished eating.  I think my dad woke up about 20 minutes later and Puck went to hang out with him for a little while, but would come lay with me intermittently.

I got out of bed at 0930, dressed, then had two fiber bars and a glass of oj with Miralax for breakfast.  It helped a little, but my tummy has been having awesome stabby pains, which I keep hoping will be solved soon. 

As I was scheduled for a massage at 1500 and knew I’d be running errands beforehand, I decided I should shower, so the masseuse wouldn’t think she was massaging a pool.  Apparently showering and drying my hair wore me out because it was all I could do to just sit and stare at the bathroom counter.  My mom said I should lie down and she’d do the errands, but I knew I needed to get up and participate.

I put on some make-up and “fixed” my hair and we headed out.  I think it was 1130 or so when we left the house.  First on our list was Target.  Turns out “that girl” gave me a My Breast Friend, so I returned the one Ashley gave me because there’s no reason to have two breast friends AND a boppy!  The return process at Target was cumbersome, but we finished and I had a gift card worth about $58.

My mom convinced me to get in a wheelchair and let her push me around the store.  Not only did it end up being fun, but also we were hauling ass.  She walks quite fast – much faster than I could have kept up with while on foot.  We found three nursing bras in which I can also sleep.  I became irritated and slightly disgruntled when trying on these bras (in the wheelchair in the middle of the bra aisle) over my dress.  I said, “I can’t believe I’m nine months pregnant, have fake boobs, and still wear a B!  This is absurd!  The only thing that’s grown has been my ribcage.  Instead of a 34, I’m a 38, which is gross.”

I told her I’d rather have another boob-job than a second kid.  I thought my boobs would be great while pregnant because they always seemed pretty good when I was skinny, but no. Instead, I just get wider and my boobs look smaller than they did before. It’s almost like I wasted $5500 so long ago.

Anyway, we bought some receiving blankets, iced animal cookies, headbands with bows for Eisley, over-the-door hooks, a new shower curtain and towels for the guest room, and a Rockstar with guava for after I have the baby.  The guy accidentally rang everything up together, so I gave my mom the gift card, then she gave me cash back for what I didn’t spend, which ended up being about $30.

Next, we stopped by Home Goods – I stayed in the car and mom ran in to find a coverlet for the guest bedroom.  She is sick of the fairly new comforter she purchased.  I’ll never understand how she makes sure she rids her entire wooden-interior house of brown, and then goes out and decorated with browns and dark colors.  It’s just mind-boggling.

Anyway, we then go to Jamba Juice for smoothies.  I order a macha green tea with soy and an energy boost (free boost) and it tastes EXACTLY like a green tea frapp from Starbucks!  Yum and yay!  I was very excited.  Not only that, but I had found a gift card for Jamba Juice in my purse and it had money for our smoothies, plus about $6 leftover – woooooo!

We took our smoothies and headed to Babies R Us for our last errand.  I needed bumper pads, sheets, and a crib mattress pad.  I got all of those, plus a teething giraffe.  Cost was $90 something, but I had a gift card with $63, so it was only about $30. 

We were done, but had too much time until my massage, but not enough to go home first.  As we were passing Sam’s, we decided to go in and buy a couple more items.  Mom got a few food things and I picked up some diapers (108 for ~$24), wipes (720 for ~ $13), and desitin (2 tubes for ~$11).  We left at 1430 and headed for Massage Harmony.

I had to wait about 10 minutes for my appointment with Brooke.  She told me I’d lay on my side with the long pillow between my knees and my arms around it.  I got undressed and into position.  She worked one whole side of my body, then had me turn over and worked the other side.  For a few minutes I thought I would tell her she was pushing too hard, but as soon as she’d move to a new spot, the pain stopped, so I knew it was just my being sore that hurt, and not her being too rough. I could feel her working on millions of knots and it felt sooooo good. She did my back, neck, arms, hands, legs, and feet.  When she was done, I felt like a new woman.  It was amazing.  I could stand up and didn’t feel like dying immediately!  I could hardly believe it.

After my mom picked me up, we had to stop by HEB for dinner stuff cause Daniel arrived today – Jamie comes tomorrow.  We spent almost an HOUR getting food for the night and a few other days and when we got home, I noticed the Matrix was gone.  Dad said Daniel said he didn’t want to impose on dinner and would just pick something up while out and that he needed to go to the AT&T store.  Mom and I were floored.  We had just spent forever to get stuff for us all to eat! 

We made a Stromboli – it was really easy – with thin crust pizza dough, mozzarella slices, and pepperoni (though I used ham slices on mine).  Since Daniel wasn’t there, we didn’t make any salad.  We finished eating around 1800 and he strolls in the door.  Mom asked him if he wanted a piece and she gave him the last little bit, which was fine.  We (mom, dad, and I) had some ice cream and chatted with Daniel for a bit, but I was getting tired of sitting, as the baby had been rolling around my belly since I finished dinner. 

I went to my room and read my book (The Girl Who Played with Fire) for an hour or so.  Mom brought me a glass of milk and dad came to chat periodically.  He is confident that I won’t make it to 27 July.  He thinks it’ll come at least a week early.  Not to mention he asks if I’m having labor pains every time I gasp from the standard, random pains I get.  Actually, while making the Stromboli and also while cutting up some cauliflower, I had two separate pains that made my knees buckle.  They were intensely stabby. 

I finally decided to move to the glider to read because I was just so uncomfortable in my bed – can’t lie on my back and it’s hard on my shoulders to read while lying on either side. I read for a little bit in the glider and dad came in to chat about Jamie coming, to play with Puck, and just to check on me (at least I think so).

After a while, I remembered So You Think You Can Dance had come on today, so I asked if it would bother him or anyone if I watched it.  He said he was going to bed, but I was more than welcome to watch whatever.  I kept the volume low, but wasn’t moved by any of the dances tonight. 

Daniel came in while I was watching and would either chat on the phone or try to chat with me while I was watching.  He also asked if what we ate at 1800 was “dinner.”  I said yeah and that we eat early because we don’t eat lunch, and have coffee or a small bowl of cereal for breakfast, which leads to an early dinner.  He’s a bit of an odd duck.  My mom made him a sandwich with two bags of 100-calorie chips at 2200, since I told her I thought he might be hungry.  I don’t understand how you can ask to borrow someone’s car within moments of getting to their house, but not ask for food or get any yourself.

For my birthday from Ty’s parents, I was thinking of having Ty tell them I would like Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Part 1, obviously) WIDESCREEN EDITION, and if that’s not enough “stuff,” then I would also like, Eclipse from the Twilight saga… widescreen edition, as well.

My dad mentioned looking at different cameras.  I am not sure if he is implying I get an SLR, which is like $600+ or if I get another point and shoot, in which case I’ll not ask for anything because I have a great point and shoot that I don’t have to mess with – my iPhone.

My mom wants to write a letter to the Austin American Statesman, as well as Michael Dell, and tell them how much the Internet sucks in Afghanistan.  She saw me get frustrated today.  I got one word from Tyler before he got kicked off and I KNEW he would spend too long trying to get back on and if he did, he’d be too tired to talk and if he didn’t, then he would have just wasted time he could have used to sleep.  Turns out I was right and he fell asleep trying to get back online, which I found out when he “woke up” (1940 my time, 0510 his time) and let me know he had tried but it didn’t work and he fell asleep.  I was sad to know he missed out on any sleep.  Of course I want to chat with him more than anything, but I don’t want him to worry or stress over a lost connection because his sleep is important and I don’t want him more tired than he undoubtedly is. 

I worry about him sleeping enough and eating enough and working more than he needs to because at some point the benefits don’t outweigh the cost… the whole Law of Diminishing Returns and such…

Well, the Internet is sluggish here, so I will post this in the morning when I wake up.

And now that I'm awake, I think Brook did push too hard on the bones in my lower back because I am sore to the touch :(

Day 25: Errands Part 1

I woke up every two hours again last night - yuck.  However, I again heard my dad in the kitchen at 0700, so I went back to sleep in hopes that Puck would go see him and he'd take him to potty.  Both happened -- yay! I got up for good at around 0930 after checking my email and deliberating on whether or not I actually wanted to get up.

My mom was at the doctor (for her creepy hands) and my dad was playing golf.  I again made some delicious cinnamon raisin toast and had a small glass of "milk."  I think I'll wait at least a month or so after I have Eisley before trying real milk again.  I'm in no hurry to feel like crap.

Anyway, I got dressed.  Took Puck to poop, then came in and read a book I began last night: The Girl Who Played with Fire.  I realized today that it's the second in a series of three (I can't remember the word for "series of three"), but it's good and I don't care too much to find the first book and start over.

My mom showed up after a bit and I got ready so we could go run some errands.  We had planned it all out the night before, so we were being efficient and I'd have to be on my feet the least.  We started off at HEB where we bought some goodies for a box for Tyler.  They didn't have the energy shots I wanted, so we stopped by Walgreens -- they didn't have the right kind either, but we'd bought some for the time being.  Next, we stopped by the post office to get a box, customs forms, and address stickers, but went to Rita's where we shared a "Misto" and put Ty's box together.  A "Misto" is italian ice and custard blended together -- we split iced coffee flavored italian ice with vanilla custard -- it was AMAZING.

After we finished, my mom dropped me off at the post office while she returned something to SteinMart.  I was second in line at the post office, but the couple in front of me had a million and one questions.  Most of my energy and will was zapped while waiting for them to stop talking and leave. Naturally, once it was my turn, I was out in a matter of 80 seconds or so.

We had to make a pit-stop at People's Pharmacy so my mom could turn in a prescription for some meds for her hands.  She'd never used People's before, but the med could only be compounded there or something.  Needless to say, they said it would take at least 24 hours and they didn't know how much it would cost... weird.

We were going to stop by the library, but my mom didn't like any of the parking spots, so we went on to the mall.  I had $43 to Dillard's from a baby shower gift I'd returned for allergy reasons.  While on the way, I decided that maybe I should buy some flip-flops, instead of something for the baby.  The baby has a lot of stuff and I haven't had flip-flops in about four years... if not longer.  I looked at some Reefs, but they were not quite right, nor was the selection huge.  I checked out some Sanuks, which were pretty, but then I saw some Clarks.  The clarks were gorgeous and had great arch support, but before I could pay, I saw some that were a bit more "metallic" and would go with more of my dresses... They felt great on my feet, so I went to pay.  Wouldn't you know, the gift that was purchased for me was $39.99 +tax and the shoes were the EXACT same price, so I didn't owe a penny, nor did I get a penny back!  It was great.

We decided since we were at the mall that we should go to A Pea in the Pod to check out the Sleepy Wrap (like a Moby Wrap) and as we walked there, I mentioned dropping by Williams Sonoma, as we have $ there, too.  We found the Sleepy Wrap immediately and purchased a grey one -- black seemed too hot.  Then headed toward Williams Sonoma.  However, as we made our way over, I got a text from Tyler!  It was nice to get to chat with him, but the rest of me was losing patience quickly.  My body was aching, my feet were tired, I was hot, I didn't want to buy something from WS without Ty there, my voice was echoing in my head cause my stupid right ear was being dumb... I asked if we could leave soon enough, so I wouldn't morph into superbitch.

I chatted with Ty the whole walk through the mall, plus the drive home (my mom drove, don't worry).  He was exhausted and falling asleep, so I let him go once we got home.  My mom then told me to go lay down and get some ear drops and we'd try that.  I laid down and she put the drops in and I stayed there for about 10 minutes before turning over and letting them trickle out onto a kleenex.  I think I stayed in bed for another 30-40 just playing hangman, at which I am TERRIBLE.  I saw my dad head out to the pool and decided my mom and I should do the same.

We stayed in the pool until about 1715, which was a bit over an hour and a half.  I swam with the kickboard for exercise and chatted with my folks about various things.  My mom went in at 1645 to start on dinner.  I picked up my things and headed in 30 minutes later.  I had an appetizer of 6 grapes and cheese in toothpicks, then I made her a piña colada before I went to my room to read my book.

We were called to dinner at 1830 -- it was baked new potatoes, meatloaf, and onion.  I know the taters are the only thing Ty would have liked, but I thought it was all delicious.  The meatloaf was so tasty and the onion was crazy.  She peeled an onion, cut off the top and bottom, dug out a space in the center, then added a beef bullion cube and butter, then microwaved it for 8 minutes!  It was so flavorful and yummy!!

I wrote some thank you cards after dinner, copied my hospital bag list in my mom's spiral, and got quizzed about labor, breathing, and breastfeeding.

I'm trying to stay on top of everything and do what I can while I am able.  My mom keeps saying she doesn't know how I'm gonna make it another month cause I look like I'm gonna pop, but I don't know how I'm gonna make it another month cause my body is so miserably sore.

Tomorrow I am getting a massage at 1500, which is 0030 Ty's time.  Hopefully I'll get to text with him before then or he shoots me an email.  We are also going to try to go to Target and Babies R Us to do a few more errands.  I've not been driving to our errands in case I hear from Ty and also cause it's quite uncomfortable.

Here's a pic of part of the clutter that was happening a few days ago:

Day 24: Gettin' Busy

Organizing, that is...

So I woke up EVERY TWO HOURS last night.  Why? I'm not entirely sure, but it sure sucked.  I had a hard time sleeping, thus the waking up, but a hard time falling asleep again each time.  When I awoke at 0700, I heard my mom or dad making coffee in the kitchen, so I turned over and hoped that they would take out Puck when he made his was into the kitchen -- luckily, they did!

My last hour of sleep -- from 0900 to 1000 -- was difficult and quite tossy-turny.  I finally got up, fed Puck, and headed into the kitchen to find a note:  Dad playing golf/ Mom Barton Creek.  I was alone, but who knows when they actually left or would return.  I decided that after I took Puck to potty, I would have cinnamon raisin toast for breakfast.  I'm glad I did because it was delicious!  I also had a small glass of orange juice with Miralax... yes, it helped a little.

My mom came home a few moments after I finished breakfast and she complained a little about my having toast for breakfast, to which I reminded her that she's the one that let me buy it... she said something mumbly about eating healthy and the baby as a sort of retort.  I instead, asked her about her work out as I walked to their computer.

My next hour was spent organizing their iPhoto pics.  Their camera had the wrong date when we went to Italy in 2007, so there were tons of Italy pics mixed up with my mom's Paris trip in 2006.  I'll tell you, it's difficult to differentiate between some of the architecture in a handful of the pics.  After I separated Italy and Paris, I deleted photos of Alberto because no one needs them anywhere.  I also added pics of Jamie to her album, me and Ty to our album, and Puck to his album.  I noticed they don't have a lot of pics of Puck.

When I finished, my mom and I began tackling my bedroom.  We folded and hung up clothes that were brought over in trash bags.  We organized my drawers and fixed my closet a bit, too.  It looks great!  However, after about 10 minutes, I was resigned to laying on the bed and helping with my words.  My mom was nice enough to massage my back for a few minutes, which felt amazing.

As we were on a roll, we moved into the nursery and I was given a huge pile of things to "unwrap."  I've never seen so many tags and little clear plastic connectors on anything.  Not to mention the sizing on baby clothes is ridiculous!  I had some "newborn" clothes that look giant and some 6-9 month onesies that are tiny!  When we wash everything, we plan on putting all the newborn and 0-3 month clothes in one drawer and adding whatever else we have that just looks small.  We have so many clothes, it's insane.  My mom said Eisley probably won't ever have to repeat an outfit... at least not for the first 3 months.

By now it was 1402 and my mom was shocked we'd spent so much time, so she decided we needed to go to the pool.  I changed, set up the misting fan, and spent 20 minutes skimming the pool.  Mom came out with water for us and Puck and moved all the mats and stuff to the pool.  I hopped in and swam a few laps with the kickboard while she read a magazine while laying on a float.
My dad was mowing the lawn and came around back after a few minutes.  Puck wasn't quite sure where he wanted to be and nervously paced around until my dad finished.  A couple minutes later, he reappeared and got the hose so he could water the grass and spray any grass clippings away from the pool.  We all chatted and swam around for an hour and a half.  I showed them some exercises to do with the pool "weights" and they both worked out for a bit trying various things.  However, my dad soon wanted to try the water guns my mom had bought... mom decided it was time to cook dinner and I was stuck being shot in the back of the head repeatedly.  I was surprised to see how much it hurt.  Finally, I was able to convince him that we should head inside.

I picked up my stuff, the rafts, and headed inside to shower.  After my shower, my mom told me that she wasn't going to cook the pork tenderloin because she didn't want to cook something I may not like, so I was free to make eggs or whatever.  Lucky for me, my dad volunteered to make the eggs, while I cooked the rest of the turkey bacon in the oven.  My dad and I also had a slice of toast.  I personally thought dinner was phenomenal.  I loved every bite!

As I took the plates to the kitchen, I noticed some mail for me and Ty.  One was a VA loan, one was something else wasting our time, and the third was a gift from Mr. Lett and his wife!  I was so surprised. It was a timer that I've had on my registries since the beginning.  Upon seeing it and knowing we had the whole evening to kill, mom and I headed back to the nursery.

We folded all the clothes, towels, and blankets. I opened and set up the diaper depot changing station.  I opened and assembled the mobile, video monitor, twilight turtle, and went through the things passed on to me by "that girl." There's not actually a whole lot left to do.  We did decided to return the My Breast Friend that I got at the shower because "that girl" had passed one on and it seems logical to put that $50 toward something else.

Tomorrow we'll be running a few errands, but not too many, as I can't make it too long.  The most important and first errand is to mail Ty a box.  And Wednesday, I'm going to get a pregnancy massage, which I am so excited about because my back has been a bit achier, as I never cease to keep growing.

Jamie and Daniel should be here Thursday and stay for 10 days or so...

I miss Ty terribly and hope to hear from him soon.  I know he said he'd be busy and I definitely don't doubt that he is busier than he should be, but it doesn't make me miss him any less.  I keep hoping he's eating enough and sleeping at LEAST 5 hours a night, though 6 or 7 would make a WORLD of difference.  I wish he were here and I think about him constantly.

Day 23: Heights

I awoke at 1000 this morning, fully knowing we were heading out at 1030.  I got dressed, fed Puck, ate my breakfast and was pretty much ready to hit the road.  However, my mom came home at 1030ish, sat and chatted, not to mention my dad wasn't ready to go.  We finally put in a combined effort and made it out of the door by 1145 or maybe even noon... I'm not really sure.

We tried to listed to my new Zumba cd, but I couldn't quite handle the "noise."  My dad and I ended up chatting instead, however it was randomly interrupted by him commenting on people's driving abilities.  Around the time we passed Georgetown, I got a message from Ty and got to chat with him for a few minutes.  I love chatting with Ty -- it makes me feel complete. Even if he only has time to say, "I'm sleepy, but I love you,"  it still makes my day worthwhile.  I feel anxious and irritable when I don't hear from him.  He told me about his day of flying and dusty LZs and how he has an early show tomorrow and will be busy the next few days.  I just have to think, "We've almost done a whole month already.  This will be over soon and we can go on with our lives."  It's a tiny bit easier to have that attitude when I'm busier during the days and doing something productive.

Anyway, we got to the house and as we pull in the driveway, I immediately notice that a realtor has left at least two lights on -- thanks, it's not like we pay for electricity or anything...  Then, as I walk up to the front door, I look to my right and see that our neighbor kid who does the lawn has broken one of our solar lights!  He obviously ran over it with the lawn mower and just left it there.  I know he knew the second he ran it over, but I'm not sure he told his dad and I don't think I should have to tell his dad.  I am irritated that we spend $50 for two lawn mowings and only half the backyard is done and one of our spotlights is broken!  That's fifty dollars not so well-spent.

We went in and checked the rest of the house -- everything looked good. No windows had been left unlocked by potential burglars.  My dad and I got in the truck to go for a drive and my mom stayed back to watch Puck.  As we drove, we notice the ride get pretty rough.  None of the tires were flat, so we got on the highway and drove at speed for a bit before heading back toward Walmart.  We checked the tires again at Walmart and none were flat, in fact they all looked brand new (perhaps because they're pretty damn new).  My dad figured that they didn't balance them correctly when they put them on... it's definitely a possibility, but then it would have been a rough ride over the past couple months and it wasn't.  I'm not sure what it is... I didn't feel the bumpiness in the steering wheel, but more in the seat.  My dad said that's usually a sign that something's wrong with the back tires.

Walmart was a quick trip to buy plumber tape or whatever the proper name of it is.  I paid and we headed over to fill up the gas tank.  My dad was nice enough to buy that, so I didn't have to... He spent $63 and the pump did the "Tank is full" stoppy thing, but when we started it up, it was only 3/4 full!  It was odd, but we left cause I was ready to go.

Once back home, we changed the shower-head and then my dad sanded and painted the wall where the tv had been in the living room.  After it was all done, we packed up the things we brought and I grabbed a couple more from the kitchen and we headed out.   I dropped a thank you card and check off at the neighbor's house and my dad was nice enough to drive us to Starbucks before heading home.  I got a extra coffee caramel frapp with no whip, but I did not do as I hoped it would.
I don't understand.  I've had Miralax everyday for the past five days, drank a lot of water, had caffeine today, and I've not pooped since Tuesday or Wednesday!  My belly is starting to hurt and I can't eat much food cause there's just no room in my body anymore.  I decided that tomorrow I'll put the Miralax in my orange juice -- if that doesn't work, then I'll be in a world of hurt.

Once we got home, I decided to finish watching my Netflix DVD.  Dinner was ready before I got all the way through, but pork chops smelled wonderful, so I was ready to eat something.  It was a delicious meal of pork chops and sweet potato wedges.  I helped clear a few dishes, then retired to my room to finish Despicable Me.  I really like that movie, but I cried a little at the end when the little girls are dancing cause I thought about Tyler and how I hope he never has to miss a dance recital or the chance to dance with our little girl because of work.

My evening ended with talking to my mom about my aunt's email she'd sent us.  Apparently my dear aunt thinks she would look good with Cameron Diaz's hair and that she has the same hair color and Ms. CD.  First of all, she does not.  CD has golden blonde hair, not grey/blonde.  Second, CD is tan so her color looks great. Marker couldn't pull off that color cause it's too golden and would make Marker's skin look pink/red, just like mine always did when I had blonde hair -- I never got it light enough until this past year.  Third, CD has long hair and no bangs.  Marker loves bangs and is too old for long hair -- luckily she knows this.  Finally, my mom and I decided to figure out what's wrong with Marker's hair... and my mom's.

Marker always has bangs -- a lot of bangs. Her hair is usually too light and washes her out.  Her eyebrows are also the wrong shape for her face... they're the exact same shape as the top of her eyelid.

My mom has pretty decent color most of the time, but she has what I call "curtain bangs."  That means her bangs are not long enough or short enough and always part in the middle, like someone's drawing a curtain open.  I told her the top needs to be a little longer, so it doesn't point or rise so high and she needs fewer bang pieces or bangs that sweep to the side.

To illustrate my points about both of their hairstyles, we perused their facebook pics -- turns out Marker now has the same hairstyle as Sue.  Then we decided to look at pics from iPhoto.  My mom and I looked at every single picture on their iPhoto... all 4985!  Many I clicked through like rapid fire, but there were still thousands of pics we did look at for at least a moment.  I'm not sure what time we started... maybe 2000 and we didn't finish until 2245.

It was near the end that I mentioned that we could have put our time to better use... by organizing my bedroom or something, but it was too late by that point.  Oh well, we had fun and now we know how long it takes to go through pics.  Plus, my mom now has an idea as to how to change her hair into something she'd hate less and sees what kind of sunglasses are more flattering to her face.   Hopefully she also sees that she's prettier than she thinks, as I tried to compliment her in as many photos as I could.

Tomorrow we will start on my bedroom and send out another (smallish) box to my sweetest, most handsome (ever) husband.

Day 22: Productive... Finally

I awoke at 0745 this morning, fed Puck some of his food and heard my mom in the kitchen.  I asked if she'd take Puck out and keep an eye on him until I was done sleeping.  Of course, she said yes.  It's really nice to have other people around to help out.  I passed back out until 1000 -- at some point, Puck came back to lay with me for a while, but that was expected.

I woke up and before I had a chance to even empty out my water cup, we were all by the front door opening up the crib box.  We carried all the pieces to the nursery and my dad set to work counting all the pieces.  At this point, my mom took me to the kitchen to make sure I ate breakfast.  After my bowl of granola, I went back to help my dad put the crib together.  We put the two ends together easily enough, but encountered some trouble when we started attaching the first side.  Personally, I was battling some stabby heartburn, while my dad wasn't happy with how the side of the crib was cut.  I called my mom on my cell (she was in the other room) and asked her to bring me a Tums.  She took over my helping duties and made me go lay down.  After about 10 minutes of listening to them talk about the crib side, they asked me in to give my opinion.
The bottom of the side was flush with the end, but the top had a 1/4" gap.  Should my dad try to sand it and make it flush or just leave it as is -- I knew he would sand it if it were his.  I asked if it wiggled at all or if it was just a gap, but there was no potential pinching to it.  Since it was sturdy and wouldn't pinch, I said just leave it be and finish putting it together.  I stayed in the room while they finished up the crib -- it looks beautiful.  I'll have to take a picture soon.  I would rather wait until I have some sheets, but I may snap one tomorrow just to showcase it in naked form.

We finished up and I was given some mail from my dad -- Progressive and Chase.  I had my dad read the Chase statement because I can't comprehend much of anything these days unless it's illustrated.  I called Progressive through USAA and dealt with the issue of them giving my hubby motorcycle insurance even though he's deployed.  Then I called Time Warner to ask how they're going to issue our credit of $35.45 -- I didn't want to get stiffed.  They said they'd mail a check, but it takes 4-6 weeks to process out.

After that was complete, I took all my important files to the kitchen for some help in organizing and figuring out what I could toss and what I needed to keep.  Unfortunately, my dad was busy and that's not a great task for my mom.  So I moved on to the next item on my to-do list: finish sewing Ty's cool wrap. I had hand sewn the sides together Wednesday night, but that's as far as I'd gotten.  I spoke with my mom about her sewing machine and she filled the bobbin and I got to work.  I re-sewed the stitching I'd done -- just to reinforce it.  Then I had a logistics talk with my parents about how to proceed next.  Turns out the best option is to make "pockets."  While I was measuring and filling up my pockets, I timed the gel beads.  Ideally, they need to soak for 3-4 hours.  I allowed plenty of room in each pocket for the beads to get pretty big.  I found out tonight that I did not allow enough room, should they reach maximum absorbency, which would require soaking 6 hours to overnight.  Oh well, I can always make more or change it up, should Ty request so.

I was made a lunch of watermelon, ham and cheese rolled up, a celery stick with peanut butter, and some grapes while I sewed.  It was nice!  However, I was quickly shuffled off to clean up/organize my bathroom once I'd finished Ty's cool wrap.

My mom had already cleared cabinets and provided as much space as possible.  I just had to go through my stuff and figure out where I wanted everything.  It actually went surprisingly fast.  The bathroom looks amazing and I don't dread going in there anymore.  My room still has a daunting amount of crap everywhere that we need to organize, but that'll be a job for Monday or so.

All finished with the bathroom, I put on my swimsuit and hat and headed out to the pool.  My mom was blown away by my "map of rivers."  I told her that Tyler loves my transparent body and blue veins, especially the ones going up the sides of my face.  As I mucked about in the pool, Puck pooped, then decided he wanted to go inside.  I was kind enough to let him in to hang out with "Grandpa."  While I was on the deck, my mom asked to see me from behind.  I obliged her, and was told, "You wouldn't think you're pregnant from behind..." but as I began to turn and walk back to the pool, heard, "But then you turn sideways and it's -- bam! -- huge!"
Thanks, mom...

I got in the pool and said, "That reminds me of something funny Jamie said a few minutes ago, on the phone," as Jam had called while I was heading out to the pool.

Jam: Hey! How are you feeling?
Jen: Fine.  Huge, but fine.
Jam: Are you huge?  Or are you skinny with a baby bump?
Jen: I dunno.  I'm big enough.
Jam: Mom said you were obese...?
Jen: Uhhhh... (Jam cut in...)
Jam: What were her words... Um, she said you were "high risk obese!"
Jen: Hahahahahahahahaha
Jam: I was worried...
Jen:  No, no, no.  I was seeing a high risk OB, as in OBGYN.
Jam: Oh.  That's good.

Funny thing is, both my parents said to me, "I don't think she knows what an OB or OBGYN is..."  I told them she has to because she's had her lady-exams and is on birth control, which she originally got from an OBGYN.

After an hour, we got out of the pool.  I went and showered -- I know... seems too soon, but it looks like I can't get away with fewer showers with my folks around -- and we went to go eat.  We went to Mimi's at the Galleria.  There weren't many people there, which was nice.  The food was delicious, but huge portions.  I got the roasted chicken crepes -- delicious, but too much chicken.  Sadly, when it was time to go, it was a bit difficult to get out of the booth... My dad and a waitress had to help me out.  Embarrassing -- yes!
We drove over to the theater and got tickets to see Bad Teacher.  I felt a connection to this movie when I saw the previews because that's how I felt I wanted to be... though reality and my morals wouldn't let me behave that way... not to mention I don't do drugs or drink much (or at all right now!).  However, I was a bit surprised by the movie. Minor/potential spoilers to follow: I was nonplussed by the choice of language.  I think it would have been more effective and funnier to use less vulgar language.  It was somewhat There's-Something-About-Mary-esque.  I don't care for the following words or phrases: tits, dicking, dry-hump, etc.  Especially when sitting with my folks while pregnant.  I didn't need to see Justin Timberlake dry-humping her and then "finish" in his jeans, nor did I need to see the wet spot.  I also don't ever need to see the "sign language" involving a backward peace-sign and a flickering tongue...
It was an alright movie, but I think went too far into vulgar to be relatable for all the teachers out there.

Tomorrow, we are going to go to my house and check things out.  I had three realtors showing the house today and have heard nothing from anyone.  Totally ridic.  I need to make sure I pay the neighbor kid for mowing the lawn and keeping an eye on things.

Well, as I am exhausted, I think I should go to sleep.  It was great getting to chat with Ty today.  It was even nicer knowing that I could let him go write and feel good about doing so.  Hooray for dust storms. Hooray for getting "home" before 2200.  Hooray for getting to chat and still having time to write.  I know that won't happen much.

My one major concern is for the upcoming future.  Since my folks are home and there's a lot that still needs to be done, I don't want to miss opportunities to chat with Ty, nor will I have as many as I did.  BUT, once the baby is here... I imagine it'll be far more difficult to get to chat with him.  I know I'll want sleep and therefore I'll sleep when the baby does, but I don't want to miss his calls, nor will I want to chat all through the time I'll have available in which to sleep.
I know everything will work out and be fine, but it's crossed my mind.  How does one balance sanity/sleeping, a new baby, and the love of your life who only has moments a day in which to communicate...?

I vote:
1. Husband
2. Baby
3. Sanity/sleep

Day 21: Occupied

I got a phone call at 0700 this morning telling me I could sleep a little longer, but I had to leave by 0945 to drive to San Antonio to pick up my parents who would be flying in there, instead of here.  Awesome.  Sleep did not come easy after that phone call.  I had allergies and had to take a pill. I had to feel Puck and take him out.  I had to set my alarm and try to fall back asleep.

I woke up at 0845 and spent some time brushing Puck.  He never stops shedding -- I don't get it.  I pick and pick and pick and brush him all the time, but there's always hair falling out everywhere.  He should be bald by this point, but he's just as hairy as ever.  I know, I know -- it's fur, not hair.

Anyway, I got ready and headed out.  I had to gas up the Lexus, as they wanted room for their bags.  I set up Puck in the front seat, so he could be close to me.  I got gas and cleaned the windshield at Texaco, then I stopped by Starbucks for a drink, in case I got sleepy on the drive.

Unfortunately, the big Lexus doesn't have anything that allows me to hook up my iPhone or iPod, so I was stuck listening to the radio the entire drive.  I heard a few decent songs, but I was flipping through the channels for most of the drive.

I got to my folks around 1110 or so and they climbed into the backseat.  I drove so my mind would be more occupied and less likely to focus on any back pain.  I told them about what happened back home and they regaled me with stories of their trip.

We got home and spent a couple hours unwinding, checking mail, and just hanging out, then they gave me all the gifts they'd bought me and Eisley.  Not to mention, I opened two boxes sent to me by my Aunt Sally.  She's knitted a sweater, three hats, made two blankets, and a body-sock thing for swaddling the baby.  They're all beautiful -- I'm very lucky she's good at what she does and that she's so creative and generous, too!

For dinner we went to Waterloo Ice House and then stopped by HEB on the way home.  It's nice to know there's food in the house now.

I did get a third phone call from a realtor who wants to show the house -- yay!  So we'll have three potential buyers looking tomorrow!  I really, really hope and pray someone makes an offer.  However, since my folks came home today, we're going Sunday to check on the house and replace the shower head in the master bath.

Due to my waking up three hours prior to my normal wake-up time, not to mention going to bed two hours later than normal... I got five hours of sleep, instead of my usual 10, so I am exhausted.  All I have left to do is take out Puck, then get ready for bed.

Tomorrow is undoubtedly going to be filled with nursery and baby activities to get the house ready.

Day 20: Preparatory

My parents were supposed to come home tonight, but they got stuck in IAD.  I cleaned the house and made sure I did the dishes and picked up, so they wouldn't think I'm a total slob.  I didn't hear from them by 1800, so I googled a flight tracker website and did some searching to see when they would have boarded and left IAD for AUS.  When I hadn't heard from them by 1900, I knew they didn't make the flight.

When my dad called, I looked up flights for the next day into AUS, but every flight was oversold except for the one that would get them home around 2200.  My dad didn't like the idea of waiting around IAD all day.

On the other hand, I had my doctor's appointment and ultrasound today.  I stopped by Starbucks next to Chinatown for my free drink and chatted with the baristas -- they were super nice and funny.  Then I went by the post office to get some customs forms and address stickers to fill out while I waited for the doctor.  I got to the doctor a little early, but was given my itemized cost sheet to sign.  It costs a LOT to have a baby, but luckily my insurance covers it 100%.  That's not to say I know what the hospital will charge or cost, but my OB is taken care of so far, which is at least one thing I don't have to worry about.

The ultrasound was odd.  Eisley wasn't moving hardly at all.  She was finally head down -- this is the first time I've had proof that she can face the right direction.  It was really hard to tell what was going on on the screen. Usually I have a vague idea as to what I'm looking at, but this time I was clueless.  The ultrasound seemed fuzzier than the previous ones I've had.  I don't know if it was their system or what, but surprisingly, the ultrasounds were better at Darnall.  Shocking -- I know.

She didn't tell me anything much.  She just said she wanted to check the fluid around the baby first and other than that, she kept asking me questions about Ty and where I'm living and such.  Regular conversation that would have been better suited to any other time than while having an ultrasound.

I ended up waiting another 15 minutes or so for the doctor after my ultrasound and was with her for mere minutes.  She tested me for some strep bacteria... gross.  All the appointments from here on out will entail the doctor checking out my goods.  Worst part of any doctor visit. Ever.

Day 19: Busy

So this morning began with a bang.  Puck puked on the floor and I read the Colonel's wife's email response to my brilliant and simple idea.  That woman makes me quite angry.  Perhaps I wouldn't get as angry if she were more educated, but we'll never know.

She gave me some BS answers as to why I have to send out a million junk emails to people, but I can "personalize them."  Ummm, I'm getting mixed messages here.  First I'm told I need to email out everything, then I'm told to tailor them to the needs of my families (but not in such words).

BTW, I'm so dumb right now that I typed "taylor" and it took me a good minute to figure out what was wrong with it... all I can say is that this baby better be a genius if she's stealing that much of my intelligence on a daily basis. Yikes!

Anyway, so I emailed all my people and said I'm going to create two distro lists.  One will have only important information regarding them and their soldier down range, while the other will be the junk that I forward on a regular basis.

I also sent Ty an email asking for a confirmation of his soldiers.  The roster is NEVER up-to-date and of course it's NEVER Michelle's fault, so I spent a couple hours -- and I'm not yet done -- trying to sort it out.  I need to know how many soldiers he has and who they are.  I have three names that are not on any roster...

I asked my key callers who they're responsible for calling -- still waiting on one response -- and so far Dawn's list is different than the list that I think Michelle thinks Dawn has...  Overall, it's a disaster.  I have supposedly 12 people that no one is contacting.  I have two more that I don't know any info on -- not even their first names.

As I said, it's a disaster and exactly how one would assume the military would run something.  It's idiotic that we would keep a system in place like we do.

Anyway... I've done two small loads of laundry today.  Shocking, I know.  The real shocker is that I showered late last night and I plan on doing it again tomorrow before going to the doctor!  It's got to be a record or something.

So, it rained a lot last night, which was nice for the grass, trees, and overall weather of today.  However, the rain seemed to bring out a lot of animals today.  There were 2 fairly large lizards running around on the deck today... deer laying in the grass... flying ants dying all over the pool... a large, dead frog at the bottom of the pool... and birds galore -- I worried for my lizard buddies.

I cleaned the house a decent amount to where my folks won't be disappointed when they come home tomorrow.  I didn't go to too much trouble because they have maids and I didn't want to do the work, but not get paid... and end up with a backache.  I also chlorinated the pool and system, yet again I got a lung full of chlorine vapors.  It burns quite a bit when that happens.

I did get to talk to Tyler today on the phone.  It was a pleasant surprise.  I didn't recognize the number, so I thought someone was calling about the house, as I put the video up last night, but it was my home-owning husband.  The phone call was clear and great and it was very nice to chat with him.  He likes to tell me to relax and not worry, but that's like telling him to be fat and ugly... it's just not going to happen.
He did ask again if I'd gone to the post office -- I told him it wasn't Thursday yet, so no.
We had similar issues last deployment.  He'd read my emails and questions, but he'd only respond to some of them.  I don't want him thinking that I think he's dumb, so I don't  ask to the point of annoyance.  I just figure he's ok with whatever I've said/suggested around my unanswered questions.  If something is important, he'll answer.  If it's not, then he won't, but getting frustrated about it later is never an option because he didn't respond in the first place.  He knows that, which is why he doesn't say too much.

I did get a call from a realtor that wanted to -- and did -- show the house today.  I didn't hear back, so I don't know how it went.  Hopefully we'll get to go up Friday or soon and check on things.  It makes me nervous knowing we have stuff at the house and we're not there to check on it.  I wonder where I could buy a St. Joseph...??

I also finished watching all of Veronica Mars.  That show was just as great the second time around.  However, I remember why I was aggravated at the end.  It didn't "end," but just set you up for the next season, which never came because it was canceled after the third season!  I think shows should get a few more episodes to wrap things up and provide the audience with some closure.

After much searching, I decided on what to watch next.  It's a tv series called Sherlock, but I found out it's only 3 episodes (88-minute episodes) long!  It was a BBC series.  It's excellent, but I'm sad there're only three... though I suppose once my mom gets home and sees that I've done NOTHING to the nursery or to my stuff, then I'll not be watching much tv.

This poor baby is really running out of room.  Maybe they'll want to deliver her early... though not likely.  I'm pretty sure I'll be stuck finishing this all the way out. :(

Day 18: Pokey

I feel very productive today.  I didn't leave the house and I haven't showered... yet, but I changed the virtual tour of the house and put it up on youtube; I cooked dinner -- turkey burger; I swam laps for 30 minutes; I watered the grass a bit by hand.

It doesn't sound like much, but it feels like a lot.  I'm trying to resuscitate some of the grass in the back yard.  I'm trying to eat a bit healthier -- it's difficult as I refuse to go to the grocery store and am running out of food.  I'm trying to exercise more so my "BMs" (as my aunt Sue calls 'em) stay "regular" -- or as regular as they can be while preggers.  And I really want our house to sell asap.  I'd lower the price to the lowest we'd accept, but then we have no negotiating room, you know?!

This baby is really running out of room in my body.  Her kicks and jabs hurt more and more each day.

I will have to clean the house tomorrow, as Thursday my folks get home.  Boooo for cleaning.  The one thing I will not clean is the bug in the living room.  I trapped it under a glass bowl (so I could make sure he didn't escape) and it's just gonna wait there until my dad gets home to pick it up and throw it away.   I've been keeping things mildly clean... I do the dishes by hand daily, but I don't put them away.

I think I'll also need to check the tablets for the pool again tomorrow and put in more shock.  I have to be more careful this time cause last time I accidentally got a lung-full of chlorine vapors -- oops.  I'll bet that's not good for the baby :(

Oh oh oh. I also sent an email out about the FRG information system we have and how it sucks, but how we could make it better.  Of course I said it in nicer terms, but the point remains the same.  I really feel like we turn people off from the FRG and it's not being used appropriately.

I did get to talk to Tyler today.  We could even video chat for a few minutes.  Skype is working faster than iChat, so we went with that.  He wants me to mail his stetson, which I'll try to do on Thursday... after my doctor's appointment.  He looked exhausted and sunned in the video... or sad... I couldn't really tell.  He was talking quietly because people around him were sleeping.  Luckily, he had a slow day today, but the TOA is coming up (tomorrow? or real soon) and things may change.  I would hope they'd change from the insanity that was, to the slower pace of today, but who knows for what they hope?!

Well, I've been in this kitchen chair for entirely too many hours and my body is a bit achey, so I think I'll go shower now.

If you're interested in seeing my house, here 'tis.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xShFoAyFZI8

Day 17: Part II (Calm)

I think I was just really stressed from not hearing from Ty after his "big assault mission."  A few minutes after Ty fell asleep, my dad texted me.  They're coming home Thursday night, but Thursday afternoon I still have an ultrasound and appointment with the OB.  It won't be my first ultrasound without Ty.  He missed one earlier in the pregnancy... in February.  (I just realized he missed two ultrasounds that day.  The other was to check the nodules in my throat.)  I suppose he's lucky it wasn't the ultrasound to learn the sex of the baby.

I remember being so upset because I felt like the ultrasounds were moments he'd have with our baby before he couldn't be here and he missed it because he didn't get there on time.  He was getting in his truck to leave the airfield at the time of my appointment.  I figured it just wasn't important enough for him.  I never told him how upset I was.  I tried to be casual because I didn't want to get in an argument about his time management abilities or remind him that he's always on time to work.  I just cried silently in the car and on the drive home.

He was on TDY when I found out I potentially had cancer and needed surgery.  I remember trying not to cry in front of the doctor.  The doctor wanted to wait until after I'd had the baby.  I managed to get ahold of Ty when the doctor stepped out for a few moments and Tyler agreed that we should wait until after I'd had the baby.  However, I didn't want to wait.  I wanted to have surgery as soon as possible because I knew I wouldn't be up to the recovery with Tyler gone and all that waiting and not-knowing would be stressful and I didn't want to stress the "fetus" out even more.  Luckily, my dad was there with me because he knew Ty was gone.  I think he wanted me to wait, but he understood how stressed I was with Ty gone for those few weeks and told me I should look at dates and schedule surgery.

I've digressed.  My point was that about an hour or so after I'd heard from Tyler, I calmed down and felt much more at ease.  Still sad and cried at least once during the day, but I wasn't angry or irritable.

I watched more Veronica Mars.  I got in the pool and swam for about 30 minutes.  Then I cooked a turkey burger for dinner.  Been watching Veronica Mars for the rest of the evening.

I feel the same way I do after I've had a panic attack... just emotionally and mentally worn out.  I should probably go to the grocery store, but I can't bring myself to run any errands.  I have a gift card for a free massage and a free drink from Starbucks, but it's just to hard to make an appointment or get in the car.

Well... I'm going to go finish Veronica Mars.  Just a couple episodes left until I'm all done.

Day 17: Unhappy

He finally emailed me at around 0500.  I think it's cause I had emailed him telling him not to tell me he'll contact me if he doesn't cause then I just worry.

I'm so irritated and irritable... again.  I want to talk to him so bad, but I get so angry when the internet doesn't work. It's like the same thing over and over again.  He'll text. He'll try to video chat.  Video will freeze, but not before irritating me first.  We'll eventually get back to texting and I'll ask him questions and he'll answer... some of them.  I don't know if he's getting them all. I don't know how long they take to get there.  I don't know if he's purposely not answering some.  I don't know if I'm supposed to keep typing and hope he'll say something. I don't know if he's busy.  I don't know if he's talking to other people. I don't know anything and it frustrates me.

I will wait for him to say or ask something and I get an "Are you there?"  So I don't even feel like we have a conversation.  I feel like I'm just doing an interview... and interview that should take two minutes, but takes closer to an hour.

I get mad and almost feel resentful that he's happy.  I know it's good that he's happy -- he needs to keep his spirits up.  No one wants a grumpy commander.  Hence why I'd make such a terrible one. But if he tells me he's frustrated, it makes me feel worse, too.  There's no winning.

I want the internet to not be so terrible.  I want to have a conversation with my husband.  I would LOVE to know I may be able to see him/video chat for at least five minutes without issues.  Because as of right now, I am torn between not wanting any communication at all and dealing with the crap we have now.  If we didn't have any, then at least I wouldn't get frustrated with it not working.  But we have a daughter coming soon, not that the army cares, and I think it'd be nice if he could see more than still photos and text descriptions of her.

I find it odd when he calls his place a "shit hole" cause that implies he doesn't like it.  Though I realize it's possible to love what you do and hate where you are.  He said he loves me, Eisley, and Puck more than flying, which I suppose is true, but I think we take second place to the "job."  The job entails commanding, planning, flying, deploying, looking after "his guys," and all the other adrenaline-laced "guy stuff."

I told him from the get-go that I was fine being second place, but I was only fine if it were just me.  I don't want to be second place with our child.  But he can't leave the army.  He has to have a job. Might as well be one he loves.  I just don't think he could easily make the choice (if hypothetically given one) to not deploy... which is why the job is number one.

I asked a couple times what the price difference for the different internet packages is, but he never answered.  Perhaps I'll email that question and maybe get an answer.

Day 16: Lounge

I officially did nothing today except watch Veronica Mars... and have hot flashes most of the day.

I've been waiting for Ty's text telling me he's heading to bed or something, but I've not received anything yet.

Finally, I decided I will definitely make a trip to Starbucks tomorrow.  Sometimes you just have to have caffeine to get things moving.

Day 15: Waiting

I got a "call" from Ty at around 0300.  I had gone to bed at 0130, so I was quite surprised to be awoken an hour and a half later.  Facetime didn't work -- nor has it since he left -- but it woke me up enough to "get online."  We chatted for a minute or two about how he's moving to nights and he'll be busy all day, but that he'd write me an email and try call me today.

I made sure I kept my phone by me all day because I didn't want to miss his call.  I also checked my email constantly because I wanted to read his email as soon as I got it.

I had to go pick up Puck's thyroid's medicine today.  I called and had them fill it so I wouldn't have to wait for them to count out the pills.  I decided to shower before I went to Petsmart.  It took all my effort to get ready and muster the energy to get in the car and go.  I got Puck ready, since I figured he'd enjoy a trip in the car and to doggie dreamland.

Despite the coolness of my car -- no sarcasm, for real -- and the AC being on full blast as cold as it could get, I was still having awesome hot flashes.  Also turns out that I had to wait once I got there because there were a few people in front of me at the Banfield line.  I eventually had to go sit on a bench cause standing does NOT work with my back and body right now.

After we got Puck's pills, we looked through the clearance bin for toys and found a bunch of the "cement bones" that he loves for $2.47 each!  I grabbed four and got another bag of treats, since we were running a bit low.  We came home and proceeded to watch more Veronica Mars.

I decided not to go in the pool today cause I'd showered and cause it was 1400 or 1500 when I got home and I like routine, which wouldn't gel if I got in the pool that late.  I gave Puck one of his new bones and he was thrilled.

Needless to say, I didn't get an email or a call from Ty today.  I was sad and disappointed, but not surprised.  I know he's busy.  He did get online around 2045 and we exchanged a few lines in the hour he was able to be online.  Sadly, the internet kept freezing on him and Facetime froze his camera, so we didn't get much of any talking done.

I learned that he's tired and has a lot to do tomorrow.  He sent a pic, but I never got it.  I told him my folks would be back Thursday night and that Puck's doing well.  He said he'd buy the better internet, but I don't think it'll be worth it.  We need to save our money.  I know communication will be crap this year, just like it was last year.  It doesn't matter though.  I can just video everything the baby does and he can watch it when he gets home or I can mail him dvds each month or something.  I know he'll probably be a little bummed, but he'll be so busy he'll barely remember he has a daughter.

Our marriage is not of concern because it's just not.  My sanity on the other hand, is really taking a beating.  It's odd that I feel abandoned and alone despite knowing that it's not "his choice" to be gone.  That doesn't mean that if they gave him a choice that he wouldn't go, I'm sure he would.  He loves to be in the action. Loves the adrenaline.  Loves "being there" for "his guys."  And it is what he trains for... so he loves doing it.

He can't stand sitting at home and doing nothing (or relaxing, as I call it).  He gets bored here and needs more of a thrill.  So although I can 100% say that I would never get tired of our marriage, I am not entirely certain that he would feel the same.  I think that's why he needs every other year off.  Unfortunately, I cannot do "every other year."  If it were just me and Puck (or multiple dogs), then I could do better and be stronger.  But it's not. It's me and a baby that I have to take care of on my own that I wasn't "wanting" quite yet (if ever).

I say that because I never wanted to be in this situation.  I never wanted to be alone for a year with a baby OR with my parents for a year with a baby.  If I had a child, I wanted it to be with my husband.  I am obviously not getting my way, but I'm fairly certain that I don't want to ever risk this again and can say therefore that I don't care to have anymore kids.

The emotional toll it takes doesn't help in the slightest.  I feel like a broken record saying how hard this is and how down I am.  I'm not missing Tyler and doing what I love and having the best time ever.  I'm only missing Tyler.  I'm only feeling terrible.  There is absolutely no redeeming factor to this.  I honestly worry that I'm going to feel worse after the baby and/or be a terrible mom.
Tyler tells me that he misses me and how hard it is, but it's not the same.  He's someplace new. He's someplace where I shouldn't be. He's doing his job that he loves.  He's doing what he has worked for for five or six years.  He doesn't have time to think about me incessantly and feel this wretched.

My issue is that I have two options.  I could tell him I'm fine and get help and medicine should I need it and just let him know when he comes home that I'm all doped up so I can make it day to day.  Or I can try to let him know that this is not working so great and I may not be the same when he comes home.  Neither is a good option. Neither is fair to him.  There's nothing he can do.  I live somewhere where there are people to "take care of me," so he couldn't come home regardless.  I'm stuck for twelve months trying to sort this all out in my head.  Luckily, we have great insurance, so I know that regardless of what I may need (in the future), I can get it!  It's important to note that I say "in the future" because I'm fine-ish enough now.  I think I can manage at least until the baby gets here, then hopefully God will play the hope card, as opposed to the despair card.

I want him to know because I think he should.  However, I don't want him to know because if he has time to think about me, he may worry and that's not safe.  He needs to stay focused.  He needs to concentrate on the mission at hand, which is not me or his daughter or anything back home.  He needs to pretend we're not here, but I couldn't make it if he did that. So where do we go?

Day Fourteen: Televised

So, maybe I watched 6 hours worth of Veronica Mars...  It was nice.  The internet was being slow last night, so I wrote in Word and will paste it below...  I did get to talk to him in the middle of the night for a few minutes, which I think allowed me to better handle today while talking to Time Warner and Banfield -- at the same time.  I just hope the internet is fixed and won't poop out on me anymore.

**

It’s hard to believe it’s been two weeks since Tyler left.  Hard to believe that he’s already as busy as he is, as well.  Seems like last deployment they were in Kuwait forever, then it was at least a month before things “got going.”

I’m having a much more difficult time with this deployment.  My mom says not to worry about Tyler – this is what he trains for.  However, I don’t think I’m necessarily worried about him as much as I just miss him and absolutely hate everything when he’s not here. 

I’m cranky and irritable and I cry every time I think about him, talk about him, see or hear his name…  and I don’t like crying.  I also look like absolute crap.  My eyes are reddish and puffy constantly, though I don’t think allergies help that any.   All I can say is that I hope this baby helps keep me occupied and happier.

I can’t remember what movie I watched earlier today… oh wait, it was called Camille.  It starred James Franco and Sienna Miller.  It was odd, but it was entertaining and cute.  I would recommend it over Cop Out any day. 

I spent 20 minutes skimming the pool and there was still so much in it cause the wind kept blowing and keeping it full of cedar bits and oak leaves.  The grass is dying in the backyard here… I don’t know what to do. They have sprinklers set and are on water restrictions.  It’s been 105 degrees – you can’t compete with the heat.

I just hope all is well with the house in Heights.  I finished the video and uploaded it to youtube, but they muted all my audio because it is copyrighted.  I put the artist and title of each piece of music in the video, but I guess that’s not enough.  I’ll have to remove those parts, and just use youtube approved music.   It just won’t have the feel that my video had.  I just wish I’d not spent so much time on music!

I sent an email out to my and Ty’s parents about how things are going for him so far.  I don’t think either set really understood what he’s doing.  I know mine at least understand the difficulties of communication – due to last year and my complaining.  My mom texted me today and said, “Thanks for the email about Ty. I can tell you’re pretty upset and I don’t blame you.”  I appreciated her not trying to give me any advice. 

You can tell someone not to worry and that things will be fine, but you can’t tell someone to not miss the person they care about above everyone else.  You can’t tell someone to ignore the pain and heartache.  You can’t even tell someone that they’ll get to see their love soon… because they won’t.  Seven to eight months away is not soon.  And I pray every night that I’ll see him for EML and that I’ll see him again when he redeploys home.  I pray that he’ll be safe and come home in one piece.  But most of all I pray for strength to make it through each day because that’s what he’d want me to do.  I’ll have both Puck and Eisley to take care of soon enough and Ty won’t want to come home to a basket case. 

I just hope his career takes him in a direction that doesn’t deploy anymore.  As much as he loves it and doing what he does, I know that I cannot do another one.  It won’t matter where I am or who I’m with – I will not be able to withstand another year away from him, especially when I barely got 12 months between last deployment and this one.

It seems as though I should get “cried out,” but I haven’t.  It just seems to never end and it hurts just as bad every time I think about him. 

50 more weeks…

350 more days…

Day 13: Sleepy

I watched The Jetsons Movie and Step Up 3 today on Netflix.  I remembered The Jetsons from when I was younger... the movie, that is.  It was still weird with Tiffany being the voice of Judy Jetson.  It was too husky for a teenager and she called a guy who asked her out on a date (that she didn't get to go on) her "boyfriend."
The other movie was alright.  I thought their routines for the first and second battles were far more impressive than for the final battle, but oh well.  I also watched cause I had some people tell me at the beginning of this year that I looked like the main girl from that movie... I don't.

The cartoon movie was watched during breakfast -- Raisin Bran.  And to help me waste time after, so I wouldn't go to the pool too early.  I ended up going out at 1400 -- I put more flea meds on Puck, since we've been spending so much time outside.

He is beginning to explore far more than I want him to do, but there's a lot of yard and he's got a lot of time.  He goes into the woods, usually chasing after the rabbit that apparently lives there now.  He rolls in the dirt by Foxy's grave -- gross -- I think armadillos are digging around there because that's what that whole bed looks like.  He tries to find weak spots in the wood fence to put his head through to see if he can tempt the lab behind us to bite his face off.  And finally, he started going under the deck because my dad apparently thinks it's a good idea to leave it open.  I wish I could spray bitter apple spray on 90% of the back yard and keep Puck in the grass and ivy.

Speaking of dads.  I told Ty's dad today that if Tyler weren't having to sleep or fly, then he'd love to watch the change of command on Skype.  His dad told me he needed a firm "yes" or "no" because he would have to set up wireless and a camera outdoors and they would need to do a test before the ceremony.  I could tell the planning and commander in him was coming out, but I could also see that he didn't quite realize all his son was doing and that communication is severely limited.
I told him, "I don't think the war allows him leeway to give a firm yes or no :)    If you have to have an answer now, then I suppose it's a no :("
I went on to tell him that Ty doesn't even actually have Skype on his laptop currently and his battery may be dead, too!
I knew his dad was upset.  I know Ty is like a father to him... or something... I'm actually not quite sure about how their relationship works.  I know that Ty is everyones favorite.  I know that his dad can come across as jealous that Ty wants to spend time with me.  I also know he is extremely used to getting his way -- as am I.  We don't see eye to eye on many... most?... things, but I try to keep my mouth shut, since they don't quite say what's on their minds in Ty's family... except his dad.

My family is quite different.  I feel we are honest with each other, which makes communication simple.  I think it saves us a lot of wasted time.  We don't buy gifts for my dad because he doesn't like anything we get.  They know I'll tell them what I think about things because I feel I've already made stupid life decisions based on what they wanted...
I never ever would have majored in English and minored in teaching if they hadn't said to do so.  I don't care for teaching and I absolutely loathe the politics associated with it all.  It's unfair that administration  will force teachers to give kids grades, regardless of what they've actually earned.
However, as much as I dislike what I got my degree in and what my career is, I *do* believe it was being polite and doing what I thought my parents would like, that eventually led me to Tyler.

I don't know if it's our similar personalities that causes the disconnect between me and Ty's dad or what. I do know that I will never get over meeting his dad for the first time, being asked to go out back with him, then having him tell me how "beeeeaaaauuuuuuuuutiful, just absolutely beeeeaaaauuuuutiful," Ty's ex, Pam, was.  I admit there may have been a point to his story, but I don't know it because I immediately tuned him out because I was trying to control my temper and not open my mouth.
However, I couldn't keep my mouth closed when he kept telling Ty (and I) to come back early from Grammie's .  I felt like he was being disrespectful, as my grandfather had just died, so I said, "This is my Grammie's first Christmas without my grandfather.  We'll come back when she's done with us."
It was a very hard Christmas for me, too.  My mom's mom had died the previous year -- when I was in England -- and Grandpa (dad's dad) passed the year I got back... a couple months before Christmas.  He was the only grandfather I'd ever known, as my mom's dad died when she was 15 and all my great grandfathers had passed when I was still a baby.
My grandpa was the greatest and most wonderful grandpa ever and it was sad to watch him slow down over the years.  I hate being emotional in front of family, so I try not to cry, but it was very hard being in Florida, knowing I'd see Grammie, but that I wouldn't see Grandpa.
Ty's got both sets of grandparents, as well as some great-grandparents, and even one or two great-greats... but that's also due to another huge difference between our families, but I digress.

Maybe Ty's dad will calm down when he retires -- mine did.  Mine is much much calmer... though you'd not know unless you'd known him before retirement!  I just know my parents have 20 years less time with us than Ty's do... as they're about 20 years older and if they're going to be my "mom" and "dad," then I'm going to want to communicate with them as such, and not formal guests.
Perhaps I will calm down, too... Hahahahahaha!  Sadly, I think I'm headed in the opposite direction, as I'm just becoming a mother... a territorial, protective mother.  Yay!  :)

Scary!

Anyway, back to Skype...   I know his dad wants Ty to see and be proud, but if he's too busy to eat right, get more than 4 hours of sleep, and is "just keeping his head above water,"  I think Ty deserves a break and his dad should know it's not personal.  I suggested he have someone record it and put it on youtube or a dvd, so Ty can watch it when he has time.

On that note, I think I'll write everyone an email letting them know that Ty's doing alright, but he's busier than we can even imagine.

Tomorrow is two weeks.  Only two weeks.  The time drags on and on and on...  I'm much moodier and angrier when I don't hear from or get to talk to Ty -- that doesn't bode well for anyone :(

Day 12: A Light

Today was about 100x better than yesterday.  Perhaps it was because Puck didn't wake up at 0500 or 0600, but I did on my own.  When I wake him up to let him out and feed him, as opposed to him waking me up, it makes a ton of difference.  I am much less resentful of going outside and standing up.

Not only did he not wake me up for the first round of food and potty, but he didn't wake me up at 0830, which he's been doing recently! He slept soundly and I woke up at 1000 and got him up.  It was a great feeling.

We were wondering what to make for my breakfast when I saw blueberries in the fridge.  I don't like blueberries, except in pancakes, waffles, and muffins.  I figured pancakes would be easiest, so I whipped up a very small batch -- from scratch.  They were alright.   I was surprised at how sour blueberries are... I guess if I had known, I would have sweetened the batter a bit more.

Unfortunately, while eating, I got some blueberry juice on the tablecloth and apparently on my new dress, which I didn't see until later and it was dry.  I decided to continue my Netflix movie that I'd started while eating, since it was still too early to go to the pool.  Happily N'Ever After 2 isn't the most awesome movie ever, nor very decent, but I decided to keep it going to bide my time.

Luckily, while watching, I got a "text" from Tyler.  He messaged me on iChat and because I wasn't logged on, it went to my phone!  Yay!  I paused my movie and logged onto iChat and there he was!  It was quite exciting.  We even got to video-chat for a moment.  His internet isn't great, but it sure isn't terrible either.  I couldn't quite understand what he was saying, but the typing sent fast enough and I could see his face much more clearly than I often could when he was in Iraq.

I found out there's no electrical outlets in the large tents.  Therefore I wonder if there are any in the 10-man tents in which they'll be living.  His laptop was low on batter and so we figured it best to not video-chat and waste battery.  I was shocked to hear how early he had to be up for work, especially considering how late it already was.  He said the mattresses are terrible, but I still wish he could get more sleep... which I'm sure is difficult when uncomfortable, hot, and surrounded by tons of people.

I found out that he does read my emails and actually looks forward to them, which is nice to hear.  I feel much less like I'm wasting his time now.  Sadly, the internet cut out or his laptop battery died and we didn't get to say "goodnight," but I emailed him at work letting him know all was well and he needed to sleep.

I finished my movie and researched how to remove blueberry stains -- boiling water.  I boiled some in my electric kettle and took the dress to the kitchen sink.  For some reason I wanted the dress to be taught, so I leaned against part and held the other bit over the sink.  I poured the water slowly over the stain and proceeded to watch it splash up onto my thumb.  At first I thought, "Wow, that's hot!" but then after about 10 seconds, the pain really set it and I felt the burning ensue.  I ran my hand under the cold water, but knew I had to finish the dress while the kettle was still hot.  I smartly gave it some slack and finished the job -- the stain is barely visible now.  I would have done more water, but I thought my thumb may fall off from pain.

I then looked up burns from boiling water and got some suggestions.  I loosely wrapped a wet, cool paper towel around it while I got ready to go outside, but that was agony.  I tried an ice cube, which felt nice, even though everything says not to use ice *sadface*.  I figured once I got in the pool, it would feel better.

I set the misting fan up for Puck, got our ice waters, put on sunscreen, then skimmed the pool to get any dead bugs out.  It did feel nice to get my thumb under water, but it still felt better to put it in Puck's ice water, which I did a few times throughout the afternoon.

My time in the pool went by much faster and I texted with my folks for a bit.  My dad made a couple jokes, which made me laugh.  He asked if I was boiling water because the baby was coming.  I was telling him about getting to talk to Ty and typed, "His laptop was low on battery and there ate no plugs in the big tents,"  then asked him to try to understand what I meant.  His response was, "I understood that Ty ate some plugs at a circus."  It made me laugh quite a bit.

Puck and I went in around 1630 and I finished up my movie for the house.  It looks good.  I was going to do all the other bits that were required to post it, but the internet started acting up, so I stopped.  It was already 1930, so I ate some dinner and went to the living room to watch some tv for the evening.

I don't find the furniture in the living room particularly comfortable, so after my shows were done, I decided to write here and then do some reading til I fall asleep.

I use the headlamp Ty gave me when I take out Puck at night and I've always seen little reflective spots in the grass when I go out at night.  For some reason, I just always assumed it was water drops... I'm not entirely sure why I thought that.  However, I never would have expected what it really is!  I only found out because a couple nights ago I came out and saw one of the spots by the door to the living room.  I walked closer and aimed my headlamp at it, wondering how water got there, but instead I saw a spider.  A spider whose body was maybe the size of a pea and whose legs made it the size of a nickel or quarter. A spider whose eyes blended together into a highly reflective little spot.  All those spots all over the grass... not water, but SPIDERS!!
I had to investigate.  I found a few spots near the walkways and looked closer and saw they were spiders, too.  No water anywhere.  Tons of reflective spots all throughout the grass.  They moved as Puck wandered toward them, but I didn't care.  I will not be going into the grass at night again.

Day Eleven

It was very lonely today.  It was very lonely last deployment, too, but I was at *my* house.  It just feels weird being here.  I know I live here now, but I wish I could just go home and be there until he comes back.

I found myself checking the phone constantly and not wanting to be more than a few feet away from it at any moment, just in case he calls or messages.  I didn't send him a long email today because I know he doesn't have time to read them, much less respond.

His dad did message me and told me to ask Ty if he wants his dad to set up "scype" access for his change of command on Friday.  I told him I'd ask, but I think he's too busy.  I also think I'd kill him if he were able to see his dad's change of command, but not our baby being born.

I'm frustrated because I know he won't get to be there or be a part of it.  The message won't go through fast enough, he'll be on mission, or they won't know where to take him because no one will have remembered to think about it over there.  As bad as it may sound, I'd rather be in there alone with just the doctor and nurses than have my parents there.  I don't want to have a child with them.  I am grateful they're helping and having me stay here, but I would rather be married to and have my child with my husband.  Tyler misses out on so much and if I'm not doing this with him, then I'd rather do it alone.

Neither Tyler, nor my mom, understands. I don't know why. I told them both that if I can't have Tyler there, then I don't want anyone.  My mom agreed at one point, but I think she forgot.  It just feels like they're trying to tell me I'm "wrong."

Sad is also how it feels. Lonely. Silent. Like I'm just wasting time for the next 354 days.  I know I'm supposed to keep "living my life," but I don't want to.  I want to wait because he is my life and there's nothing I want to do without him.

I need to finish the movie for the house and possibly plant a St. Joseph statue out there so it'll sell.  I think I'll be less stressed once that house is sold.  It's a great house, I don't know what the hold up is.

On another note... I bathed Puck yesterday and it was a lengthy process because I had to get into the tub with him.  There are no detachable shower heads in this house, nor tubs that are easily accessible for washing a dog without being in the tub.  So, I bathed him last night and we go outside today and he rolls in stuff almost immediately!  I was so irritated.  I got him in the pool to rinse him off and rubbed him with a dryer sheet when we got inside because I couldn't bathe him again already.  I am foreseeing some issues when the baby is here.

I know I'm disjointed and depressing, but that's how I feel.  Plus, it's not like anyone reads this anyhow. It's for Tyler, especially once the baby comes, and I doubt he'll get to see or read it even then.  I will say it's much easier to be less lonely when others are around, but I did find myself more irritable.  What's a girl to do?!

Day Ten: Agony

I was always worried about getting pregnant because of my back problems.  I've had my L5-S1 fused because of degenerative disk and sciatica, but that actually caused further degeneration in my cervical and thoracic spine.  My surgery was in August of 2006 and I didn't get relief from my "extra" back pain until October 2009.  Before my surgery my pain was in my SI joints and shooting down my legs into my toes.  After my surgery, the pain was everywhere in my back.  It felt as though every muscle was pretending it was a rock and I couldn't stand more than 10 minutes or walk more than 5 before the pain would just be agonizing.  I was given numerous different pain meds and physical therapy, but nothing worked.  Not to mention, it's just not the greatest idea to be on pain pills while trying to teach...
Finally, I was referred to a pain clinic and they decided I should get a series of 5 injections every 3 months. I would get an epidural in my thoracic spine, a cortisone shot in each SI, and cortisone shots in each upper trap (as they were trigger points).  I always got my shots on a Friday, because I had to spend the next 2-3 days laying as still as possible so the injections would take the most effect.
The injections would work beautifully and I'd feel human after those first 2-3 days.  It was like being a new person.  Unfortunately, after about a month and a half, they would begin to wear off.  It'd begin in my traps, then move to my T6-T7, then eventually the SI joints would be aching again and the last 2-3 weeks before my next injections were miserable.  Luckily, the doctors tried various meds to see which worked the best with the fewest side-effects, so I was able to function fairly well (while medicated) until I got my next set of injections.

I knew I would not be able to have injections if I ever got pregnant, nor would I be able to take any of the Class C narcotics that I was being prescribed, which worried me that I'd be bedridden the majority of my pregnancy or I'd be so completely miserable that I might just explode.

Luckily, for the most part, I've not done too bad.  I did some physical therapy at the beginning of my pregnancy, which helped on occasion -- only if they physically moved my body around to put my vertebrae back in line.  Then I suppose the "relaxin" that the body produces helped through most of it.  Though if I would get overly stressed, then my back would seize up and I would writhe around in agony and cry (like that made it better!).  I mentioned this to my Army OB at one point and it was dismissed as though I was just another whiny preggo woman.

Perhaps I got waved off because I keep my composure exceptionally well when others are around (save for Ty).  I had a doctor think I was suffering from depression once because I was stressed and in so much pain that I had been crying before he came in the room.  I know that it doesn't ease the pain help even a fraction if I yell out, sob, or wiggle around trying to find a decent position... plus it can lead doctors to the wrong diagnosis.

This past week I have been running a lot of errands with my aunt, which I normally don't do.  I like to lay on the couch, in the bed, or be in the pool and stay off my feet, which we'd told her. However, I felt guilty not going places with her because she's here watching me and she's always alone when she's home.  Needless to say, the heat, the stress of being up and around, and just the sheer extra weight on my body made my back begin to ache.  "Ache" may be an understatement.

The muscles right along the sides of my spine from my waist to my hips were stabbing with vengeance.  The left side felt worse and seemed to wrap around to my belly, as well as shoot through my body.  It pulsated with anger.  I mashed on my muscles with my knuckles, tried a tennis ball against the wall, and even my TENS unit, but nothing would make it go away.

My traps were rocks once again and radiated pain up my neck and into my head.  Then my thoracic spine produced its usual "catch" where it's a dull stabbing (like a phillips head being jammed into my disk) and it gets hard to breathe.

Martha tried to give me a massage, but she doesn't have the necessary strength in her hands to push.  My parents demanded I call the OB and tell her.  After some ice and a few chats with the OB nurses, I found out I have to contact my primary care physician tomorrow to try to get a referral to physical therapy (again) and they're going to see if there's anything I can take to try to take the anguish out of it.  I can deal with pain, but I can't deal with so much discomfort and suffering that I can't function.  Part of me worries that my back could get permanently damaged from carrying a baby, which sounds nuts, but could quite possibly happen to me, as many medical oddities seem to do.