He finally emailed me at around 0500. I think it's cause I had emailed him telling him not to tell me he'll contact me if he doesn't cause then I just worry.
I'm so irritated and irritable... again. I want to talk to him so bad, but I get so angry when the internet doesn't work. It's like the same thing over and over again. He'll text. He'll try to video chat. Video will freeze, but not before irritating me first. We'll eventually get back to texting and I'll ask him questions and he'll answer... some of them. I don't know if he's getting them all. I don't know how long they take to get there. I don't know if he's purposely not answering some. I don't know if I'm supposed to keep typing and hope he'll say something. I don't know if he's busy. I don't know if he's talking to other people. I don't know anything and it frustrates me.
I will wait for him to say or ask something and I get an "Are you there?" So I don't even feel like we have a conversation. I feel like I'm just doing an interview... and interview that should take two minutes, but takes closer to an hour.
I get mad and almost feel resentful that he's happy. I know it's good that he's happy -- he needs to keep his spirits up. No one wants a grumpy commander. Hence why I'd make such a terrible one. But if he tells me he's frustrated, it makes me feel worse, too. There's no winning.
I want the internet to not be so terrible. I want to have a conversation with my husband. I would LOVE to know I may be able to see him/video chat for at least five minutes without issues. Because as of right now, I am torn between not wanting any communication at all and dealing with the crap we have now. If we didn't have any, then at least I wouldn't get frustrated with it not working. But we have a daughter coming soon, not that the army cares, and I think it'd be nice if he could see more than still photos and text descriptions of her.
I find it odd when he calls his place a "shit hole" cause that implies he doesn't like it. Though I realize it's possible to love what you do and hate where you are. He said he loves me, Eisley, and Puck more than flying, which I suppose is true, but I think we take second place to the "job." The job entails commanding, planning, flying, deploying, looking after "his guys," and all the other adrenaline-laced "guy stuff."
I told him from the get-go that I was fine being second place, but I was only fine if it were just me. I don't want to be second place with our child. But he can't leave the army. He has to have a job. Might as well be one he loves. I just don't think he could easily make the choice (if hypothetically given one) to not deploy... which is why the job is number one.
I asked a couple times what the price difference for the different internet packages is, but he never answered. Perhaps I'll email that question and maybe get an answer.
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