I think I was just really stressed from not hearing from Ty after his "big assault mission." A few minutes after Ty fell asleep, my dad texted me. They're coming home Thursday night, but Thursday afternoon I still have an ultrasound and appointment with the OB. It won't be my first ultrasound without Ty. He missed one earlier in the pregnancy... in February. (I just realized he missed two ultrasounds that day. The other was to check the nodules in my throat.) I suppose he's lucky it wasn't the ultrasound to learn the sex of the baby.
I remember being so upset because I felt like the ultrasounds were moments he'd have with our baby before he couldn't be here and he missed it because he didn't get there on time. He was getting in his truck to leave the airfield at the time of my appointment. I figured it just wasn't important enough for him. I never told him how upset I was. I tried to be casual because I didn't want to get in an argument about his time management abilities or remind him that he's always on time to work. I just cried silently in the car and on the drive home.
He was on TDY when I found out I potentially had cancer and needed surgery. I remember trying not to cry in front of the doctor. The doctor wanted to wait until after I'd had the baby. I managed to get ahold of Ty when the doctor stepped out for a few moments and Tyler agreed that we should wait until after I'd had the baby. However, I didn't want to wait. I wanted to have surgery as soon as possible because I knew I wouldn't be up to the recovery with Tyler gone and all that waiting and not-knowing would be stressful and I didn't want to stress the "fetus" out even more. Luckily, my dad was there with me because he knew Ty was gone. I think he wanted me to wait, but he understood how stressed I was with Ty gone for those few weeks and told me I should look at dates and schedule surgery.
I've digressed. My point was that about an hour or so after I'd heard from Tyler, I calmed down and felt much more at ease. Still sad and cried at least once during the day, but I wasn't angry or irritable.
I watched more Veronica Mars. I got in the pool and swam for about 30 minutes. Then I cooked a turkey burger for dinner. Been watching Veronica Mars for the rest of the evening.
I feel the same way I do after I've had a panic attack... just emotionally and mentally worn out. I should probably go to the grocery store, but I can't bring myself to run any errands. I have a gift card for a free massage and a free drink from Starbucks, but it's just to hard to make an appointment or get in the car.
Well... I'm going to go finish Veronica Mars. Just a couple episodes left until I'm all done.
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