Day 220: Anxiety

I went to Zumba this morning, even though Eis was up every 3-4 hours last night.  It wasn't until I was halfway through the warm-up that I realised I forgot my ankle weights in the car.  I ran out during the second song to get them because I feel like it makes a difference.

I don't know if it's where Tyler is, what he's doing, or it's thyroid related (or all of the above), but I have been experiencing some anxiety over the past couple days.  I really noticed it yesterday and today as being more pronounced.  I could feel my heart racing and the effort it took to breathe and just an almost-overwhelming feeling of panic.  I am pretty good at recognising it, since I had the anxiety disorder in college, so I have been trying to just breathe slowly and force myself to relax, but it's been difficult.

It's hard not knowing what the source of the problem is or if it's just "everything."  I need to go to the doctor to talk to her, but I am out of time until I get back from DC.  Unfortunately, that thought makes me anxious and stressy. I don't sleep well and my hair will not stop falling out, which is distressing.  What irritates me is that my dad keeps trying to say that it's "not noticeable," which I don't know if he genuinely believes that or he's just trying to be nice, but either way, I just look at him and bite my tongue.

It's not noticeable that I look mildly creepy and my hair ALWAYS looks bad because I can't do anything with it anymore?  It's not noticeable that my entire hairline is now receding and my scalp can be seen? I get so mad when I'm told that it's not noticeable and not to worry.

Today my mom sent me something that said that hair loss can be a side effect of the thyroid MEDS.  Then when she talked to me about it later, she didn't realise that it could be a side effect of all the meds, not just levothyroxine and she tried to say that eating more fruits and veggies would help and that a wig wasn't going to solve the problem.

I'm just supposed to embrace thinning hair and a receding hairline because I get side effects from medicines that most people don't usually get? No, not only do I refuse, but I resent being told stupid things.

I went to see Dr. P today and he gave me a cortisone injection in my left SI, then gave me lidocaine in my traps and the muscle in my mid-back that keeps spasming.  It was nice to get that taken care of... I hope it lasts.