My dad thinks he can finish up this week. I have a student from last year that I can ask to help. I had him on standby to do the yard.
While I was packing, Ty texted me and said his email had been hacked. Then he accused me of "hacking" it! I was totally floored. I had forgotten he had yahoo; I haven't emailed him there in ages. Not only would I not know how to hack into his email, but if I did go into his email it would be because I knew the password and didn't guess. I don't expect an apology for blaming me.
I will say that his reaction made me think there was something on his email that he didn't want me to see, which makes me wish I had "hacked" his email. I wonder if the email alert means the hacker was successful or if they just tried and failed. As long as no important bank/credit card/personal info is on that email, I hope all should be alright.
I did do something I shouldn't have. I went on his Facebook. I read only one message, however it was probably the only message on there that would have made me feel as bad as I did. I know I shouldn't have done what I did, but I'm thinking I shouldn't have because I only hurt myself.
I know he'll be mad at me for spying or not trusting or whatever, but that wouldn't be a good idea. It would be ignoring the fact that I have been made to look like a total jackass. Some girl chats with my husband and as they do, she sees a picture of me and my brand new baby. All she can think is, "Wow, this woman's husband is thinking of me and flirting with me. He didn't even mention having a wife or a brand new baby girl. He must not be happy."
Meanwhile, I am home and worried because my husband is sick and has a fever and I can do nothing to help. I am working to do something with his house, be it rent or sell, and going up to tend to his truck and yard. I have zero friends because I am in Austin raising our baby girl, which is the most frustrating and tiring endeavour, ever.
I was mad at first, but only for about five minutes. On the whole, I was so incredibly sad and disappointed. It made me feel worthless, stupid, and heartbroken. I'm obviously not good enough. My brain and heart feel dizzy and empty. I couldn't even take solace in the fact that she's about as pretty as I was at my most ugly and awkward because if he "unfortunately remembers a lot about [her]" then he obviously finds her attractive. If he thinks she's attractive, then that doesn't say much for how he sees me.
I know I'm second to his job, which hurt enough, but now I feel like some ugly, unwanted dog that's tethered to a house whose owners just moved away. Dejected, woebegone, and undesirable.
Worst of all is that I don't have anyone with whom I can talk. I can't talk to my parents because I don't want to effect how they see Tyler and I don't have any friends in the area or that I feel comfortable talking to about how I feel. I just fester when I can't talk stuff out, which I why I had to do it on here.
I don't want to discuss this with Tyler. I don't plan on checking his Facebook ever again. I don't even want to know what's in his email. I just hope it doesn't continue or start up with some other past, unattractive, girlfriend/fling/"friend." If he needs to keep things secret, then I'll just deal with it. I plan on giving him my passwords for both Facebook and email.
Two years ago, I learned how terrible it feels to talk to an ex, even if it's just for help with communication in a current relationship. I made Ty feel insecure and I compromised his trust. I imagine he felt how I feel now, which is crushed. I suppose this is a form of payback, though I don't think that's necessarily the healthiest thing for a relationship.
On another note...
The picture of the day is my daughter in her jumperoo in front of a fire:
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