Mom and I went to the outlets today and she bought Eis more clothes. I think it's an obsession. However, I like it, so I won't complain. It's also not my money that we're spending.
While there, we perused a few other stores before Eis started getting upset and I had to take her to the car to nurse. It was quite chilly out. Though the temperature was just below 40º, there was a good deal of freezing rain and a few flurries. I somehow managed to forget my gloves and a hat, so I was a bit chillier than necessary. Although I was wearing my Uggs, my feet were still cold -- this cold hands/feet thing is becoming more of a nuisance now that I am missing my thyroid.
Once my mom got to the car, we went over to Jo-Ann Fabric because I wanted to check out cake stuff. I have decided I want to make cakes -- small cakes -- and be able to decorate them. I don't want to take any sort of class until I deem it necessary to do so. Everything seems so logical, that I feel like I should be able to do it. Mom not only gave me $20 to spend, but she stayed in the car while Eis slept!
I ended up buying a 6" round cake pan, a new spatula, and an icer. I checked out fondant and determined I could make some for cheaper. Although I just tried out my pan and utensils tonight, I have to figure out where I went wrong.
Don't get me wrong, everything tasted amazing, however, it was, otherwise, a disaster. Despite following the pan's instructions to the letter, my cake stuck to it, which is all that's necessary for a cake to be a disaster. However, I also filled it too full and it spilled over in the oven (though I put a pan under it to save myself the trouble of cleaning the oven). I am wondering if I should have purchased the spring pan or if it's the type of cake I made or if I should have used spray, instead of shortening/flour (despite what the instructions said)...
Once the cake stuck, I just threw the icing on and didn't try to make anything pretty because I didn't want to waste my time. I only used half the cake batter, so I'll try again tomorrow. I want to figure out where I'm going wrong...
hmmm...
On another note, the other day, Allison messaged me on FB and said something about how if her mommy group weren't a closed group, she would have invited me. I didn't bother to tell her that she could also have invited me to a one-on-one play date, too, but that would also never happen because she doesn't really care to do so. There just comes a time when a girl gets tired of telling people that they don't like her and they don't have to pretend. I know she doesn't like me, otherwise, she would have invited me to happy hour or to hang out or for a playdate or hung out with me in high school.
I get it. I was socially awkward, but that's not my fault. It's the plight of the gifted child and a difficult cross to bear. I would love more than anything to have a friend or someone to talk to, but I don't. I have acquaintances and people who pretend to be my friends, though I'm not sure why anyone would want to waste their time pretending.
I don't know how someone so gregarious, athletic, politically knowledgeable, musically inclined and handsome decided to marry me. My mom mentioned (just yesterday) how different Tyler is compared to everyone I ever dated. I know he is and it baffles me how I got someone so different than me. I love it and I love him and I know the chances of our child being a social retard, like her mother, are far slimmer with her father being who he is.
I don't want Eisley to feel like she doesn't fit anywhere; it's a sucky feeling and exhausting to boot. I managed to not have a group that I fit in with in high school or college. I don't fit in with other teachers. I don't fit in with coaches. I don't fit in with the Zumba instructors. I don't fit in with mommies. I don't fit in as a Zumba participant at the Dojo.
I'm like my spine is to my body... it tries really hard to do what it's supposed to do and work well with all the other parts of my body, but it's just not doing a good job. It just gets twisted and out of whack and makes everything else uncomfortable and ends up in pain.
I am glad I never joined a sorority (or paid for friends, as some folk say) because it would have been a huge waste of my parents' money. They would have paid all that moolah and I still would have been the odd man out. I could have faked it well enough to get in -- it helps to be decently attractive -- but they would have realised I'm socially underdeveloped soon after.
Our child will be just as brilliant as her mother and outgoing as her dad. She has a great mom to teach her all the great things about being smart and sharp, and her dad to teach her how to be socially poised and accepted. The one thing I believe a child cannot learn by force or repetition, is drive. That is the one thing that is individually assigned to each kid and will ultimately change their (her) outcome in life.
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