This weekend is/was my high school 10 year reunion. I'm not going to any of the main events. Tonight is the big event. For $50, I would be entered in a raffle, have appetizers of queso and chips, fajitas for dinner, then have until 2300 to chat with folks.
I read this post the other day and was reminded of what a different experience I had in high school. While Allison had a great experience and tons of friends, I feel as though I survived and had very few friends. I actually didn't have friends until my senior year and I had three. I had plenty of acquaintances, like everyone I was on Hyline with and everyone I was a Teen Teacher with, but no "friends." I think friend means someone you hang out with outside of school and with whom you want to spend time. I definitely wanted to spend time with people, but the feeling was not reciprocated.
Freshman and sophomore year I spent days and hours calling people and making the effort to hang out with people. I knew it could potentially be my fault for not having friends if I didn't put in the effort. However, after two years of "no," I did give up.
I remember calling one girl, Elizabeth, and asking her to hang out. She told me her mom was sick, so I said we could come get her and drop her off. She told me she had to make rice for her mom, so I said we could come when she was done. Then she said, "I have to make rice for her all day." At that point, I realized that was her way of telling me no. I cried for quite a while after I hung up because I couldn't believe someone would make up such a terrible excuse to not hang out with me.
Another time, I talked to a group of girls after finals and they were going out to eat lunch. The twins' mom was coming to pick them up and I was excited because it appeared (to me) as though I'd been invited to go with them. However, when the mom showed up, the girls piled in the car, then shut the door and drove off. Obviously, I was not in the car. I was crushed, yet again.
I remember going from calling the people I thought were my friends, to calling people I had classes with, to calling people whose names I knew, trying to hang out with anyone. I was persistent, but I had to give up because it was too distressing and my self-esteem just sunk lower and lower with each weekend and every phone call that gave me a "no." I tried calling ahead and the day of, but nothing seemed to work.
I tried not to think about it and pretended that I was friends with all the girls on my drill team, which worked while we were together, but as soon as the game, camp, class, or competition was over, they would all go out in groups and I would go home alone. I liked the girls on my dance team, but I didn't understand why they didn't want to hang out with me.
Due to my experience, I understand why I didn't keep in touch with anyone from high school... in the way that we would hang out or see each other. We are FB friends, but that seems to be the extent of our HS friendship as well -- friends in name, but not in reality.
When the reunion word started coming around, I wasn't stoked to see everyone or not wanting to see people... I was fairly apathetic. I did want to go to the Hyline brunch because those are the people I spent the most time with, though, as I said, we weren't friends. However, I couldn't justify spending $50 to leave Eisley with my parents (for the second time in a day), getting two drink tickets, fajitas, and talking to people that weren't my friends ten years ago.
I figured each drink could be $10 at the most, and $20 for fajitas, then there's still $10 unaccounted for and that's with incredibly expensive drinks. I, obviously, decided it wasn't worth the money or effort to look decent. Plus, I figured that most people would be there with their spouses and that was just one more reason for me not to go.
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The brunch today was fun and it was great to see the girls that showed up. Only seven of the seventeen were there. One of the girls was mildly obnoxious, but she always was, but it was nice to get to talk to anyone because I don't feel like I get to talk to people often nowadays.
I was invited out to a happy hour on Tuesday, which I plan to attend. I'm not sure the other girl will want me there, but I am excited to get together with anyone and I truly adore Rachel. I've known her since third grade and I've always liked her; she's always been nice to me, even if we didn't hang out together.
But I would have no friends forever if I could get Tyler back and have him never leave.
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