Ok. I don't mean to be, but I'm quite irritated. My baby is in Michelle's room. It's midnight and she's due to wake up and eat. I woke up and came into the nursery to check on her and she's not here. I went into the living room and she's not in there. I check the front hallway and Michelle's door is closed and her lights are off, so I assume she's in there.
However, I wonder what's going on in there. There's no bassinet or sleeper or anything in there, so I hope she's not just sleeping on the bed and I definitely hope Michelle's not sleeping.
Michelle told me she did thirty minutes on her tummy this morning, which kind of upset me. Ok, it really upset me. Yes, probably because I'm highly emotional anyway, but still... That's too long, first of all. Secondly, I want to be there for tummy time.
I love how good Michelle is with her, but we have very different beliefs on babies this age. However, I find I can't say anything. I don't want to appear rude - I know she's only here for a short time and she lives far away. Plus, I'm not sure how to say anything without telling her I think she's not right... and she's had three kids, so...
Oh, my gosh... I want my baby. I'm trying to not get upset, but I feel really sick. It really stresses me out to not be able to see her. I feel fairly frantic right now. I don't like that I feel this way. I guess I can't help my maternal instincts and such. I was hoping to be the mom that I'm definitely pretending to be -- that is, totally ok with not holding my baby for most of the day and letting others take her. Ugh... don't cry don't cry don't cry don't cry.
My mom told me to tell her I wanted to be around for tummy time and I did this evening, but I'm not sure she heard me. I told my mom I don't want to say anything because I don't want Michelle to think I don't appreciate her effort. But I wasn't this uncomfortable earlier. It's that feeling I hate getting when Ty is around of, "If I don't say anything and something happens, then I'll regret not saying anything, but if I do say something and nothing happens, then I feel like a jerk, but there won't be anything to go wrong cause I said something."
I feel like pacing or running in circles and crying. She needs to be awake and nursing so she can sleep through the night, not through early nigh and early morning. When I got her almost four hours ago, she was so frantic that she couldn't nurse until I calmed her down. She wasn't roused early enough and she got too hungry and wouldn't settle down. Not to mention, my milk production is getting wonky, especially in my right boob. I need her to nurse more often so my supply doesn't decrease, which it has in my right boob.
Ugh... so terribly frantic feeling. Don't know what to say. Don't want to say anything. Don't want to cry either. I feel so stressed that I can't even imagine sleeping. I need my baby.
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