I did not go to the mall today, but stayed home except for a tiny bit when I took Eis and went with Mom to Garden Ridge. We didn't go to the one in Round Rock, but instead went to the one in Sunset Valley... near Buy Buy Baby.
Eis slept fairly well last night. A five hour stretch, then a four hour stretch. I, however, did not sleep as well as she. After nursing her, I laid in bed for forty minutes, then had to play sudoku on my phone until my eyes were rolling around in my head. Even then, it still took a few minutes to fall asleep.
I hate having to talk to my dad about the house. He thinks everyone will completely trash it and I'll be stuck spending both time and money to fix it. He thinks it's a terrible idea to even meet or talk to this woman who's interested because she has three sons. I think it's stupid to not run a credit check and have her prove that she has the means to purchase. I just hate hearing ONLY negative things almost all the time. There's a huge difference in being realistic and pessimistic. Ty thinks I'm pessimistic, but having been exposed to pessimism my entire life, I am confident that I am not. I see all the possibilities and potential consequences, but I have to remain hopeful.
I don't think I could be married to Ty if I were pessimistic and not hopeful. It's too stressful to be married to someone who risks their life for a living, anyway. I would simply go insane if I were constantly thinking of everything that could go wrong. Instead, I know of everything that could go wrong, but I choose to push them aside and remain hopeful that I (and he) am to be spared that fate.
I have been drawing up legal lease papers. I plan on having them get a credit report and show that they qualify for a loan that would allow them to purchase the house. I will also require the first and last month's rent and $2000 for any damages of if they leave. But if they purchase, then it'll be put toward the purchase price.
On another note, I was checking out my incision today and I noticed what didn't quite feel like a scab. I felt it with my fingers and tugged a bit on it, but it didn't come off and I realised it could be a part of a suture that is through the skin. I had my dad check it out and he confirmed it. Yuck! It's really creepy. I keep imagining pulling on it and my whole incision ripping open and blood pouring out...
Totally gross, I know, but my thoughts are less controlled when my husband is not home to keep me in check.
I also burned three CDs and wrote a letter... to my brother-in-law, East. I figured I'd introduce him to some new music and help him expand his horizons. I feel like I hear the same stuff every time I go anywhere in the car with him and Bran, which, I know, isn't that often, but that's even more reason to believe he's not being exposed to enough. If someone were in my car once a year, they'd hear vastly different things, even within a single car trip.
I thought about Bran, but I wasn't sure how that would come across. I felt if I sent Bran music, he may feel like I'm patronizing him or something. Though, I also worry he'll think I don't like him or don't care to send him anything. It's difficult to know what to do. I very much like Bran and I feel like I should do something for him, but I don't know what. He's a year younger than Ty (two years younger than me) and I have no idea what he thinks of me, if he likes me, or if he hates my stinkin' guts, since he never talks to me. However, he did make that awesome "drawing" thing that I'm going to put on canvas...
If he hadn't done that, I'd venture to say he disliked me, but since he made that for me/Eis, I'd lean more toward him feeling ambivalent.
Ty again posed the idea of coming home at another time, other than March. December... which is... now; January, but I won't be here for the whole middle of January; or March -- February is a no-go because his 1st SGT is gone then. The plan was to move a bunch of things to the house in Heights, so we could stay there while he's home, but if I rent it, then that won't happen. We would have to stay here and my mom isn't allowed to miss any more work unless she's sick and she can't take off right before spring break, so that'll be weird. She did say she and my dad would go to Conroe for the four-day weekends, but regardless, it'll all be kinda strange.
Strange to have a baby. Strange to not be at our own house. Strange to have to really budget on and for everything we do while he's home. Just... strange.
And last on my mind, my pills. I am good at taking my thyroid pill, however, I am TERRIBLE at taking my calcium pills. I am supposed to take three a day, but I think there's only been one day that I've actually taken three. I usually take one or, maybe, two. I am not sure if that's why I've been having bad headaches or feeling nauseous. I am fairly confident it's the cause of the tingling in my feet and the occasional facial twitches, but I'll ask Dr. L to be sure. There has got to be another way to take this calcium... chews or tums or something... anything would be better than these horse pills!
No comments:
Post a Comment